Discussion what keeps you here?

[Zyntkalla]

The only thing that is keeping me hear is that I would like to get some games done before I go. The main games is Assassin's Creed games and only it has the protagonist point of view. There might be some more stuff but I haven't decided if it is important enough to do.

I do have most of my plan figured out. I only have to worry about getting the SN & other stuff to make it more peaceful when I take the stuff. I am also currently still deciding if I want to send a note to my doctor about my pain I have been going through my hole life or do a poem about living. I might not do it at all but unlikely I will go that way. I know I will send it about three weeks or more & it will have the date I actually sent it on. The main thing I am worried about is the doctor will tell everything in the note to my parents. I am not worried about hurting them. I don't want them to know anything about my true feelings thay aren't important to me enough to know. The feelings I will put down isn't anything negative towards them. And I am still dealing with the loss of everything when I CTB. Definitely the important memories, thought's & ideas I've had. The loss of it is painful for me. To bad there isn't any reincarnation that has been proven. If there was I would take the important stuff to my next life. I like to describe it like I am making a new soul that supposed to be me.

 

[Myrth]

I think that I'm scared of the pain of trying to CBT. And I have no clue what my preferred method would but it does feel like I'm getting more and more into a breaking point.

 

[Underthetrees]

i'm sure people have already discussed this before, but what keeps you from ctb, even knowing you're going to eventually do it? i've always been curious to what other people have in their lives that keep them around, most people i ask always give really deep meaning answers which i do appreciate but i feel like it doesn't always have to be that deep. for me, it's recently been really small things. one of my favorite shows is dropping new episodes every week and i want to finish it before i inevitably ctb, is it like this for anyone else? am i misconstrued for having such shallow reasons for sticking around?

My kids. They're technically adults but not independent. I feel like once they are out and stable on their own, ill feel better about it. Parents are supposed to go first anyway, its the natural order. Also my pets. So I just have to wait until all the animals die. I thought about trying to carbon monoxide myself and the animals. I know that's terrible, and I wouldn't do that to them. I just think death is better than ending up in some terrible shelter. Scared, confused, alone in a tiny cage. Better to drift off to sleep in the arms of the human who loves them. And you dint need some deep reason for staying. Finding out how a show ends is valid.

 

[♡Sayori_Kinnie♡]

Alien stage... mha.. ddlc.. skins uk.. fandoms..

 

[halfstay]

fear of death, guilt, my sister, and my lizards

 

[outerspaceangel999]

a bunch of things honestly

a big one is fear. i keep saying to myself i wanna die but really all i wanna do is start over. i wanna be alive, the problem is the life ive given myself. i could have been so much more, even if i just got help when it started getting bad. now it feels like this is all i'll ever be but a part of me keeps hanging onto the hope that maybe, i can be more.

my loved ones are also a big reason, it's bittersweet but i'm grateful for that. i dont want my parents burying their only child, and i'll miss just hanging out doing nothing with my friends

and the reason that has been here the longest is probably music. i dont wanna die in silence but i can't decide what i wanna listen to when i go. it sounds silly, and it is, but knowing i wont ever be able to do that again is the scariest thing. at least it keeps me going

 

[SDB]

There's a game a want to play that won't be out till next year. It's the only thing I have interest in in life right now. But I won't be around most likely. It's funny that I promised my self to stay alive long enough to play it. But my situation is so bad Iikely won't make it.

 

[♡Sayori_Kinnie♡]

Alien stage... mha.. ddlc.. skins uk.. fandoms..

Okay but also like my horrible pain tolerance (therefore death is scary)

And like my friends and family who love a version of me that I cannot live up to (and ik I can't cause I've been getting worse and worse at keeping this shit up lately, it's only a matter of time before they eventually realize that my incompetence isn't a teenage phase, and idk what the FUCK I'm going to do when it does.)

 

[outrider567]

I only come here when I'm super depressed, SS allows me to express my current state of mind, as woeful as it is, as it will forever be

 

[elenaboo25]

I still have some unfinished business, basically.

 

[Zyntkalla]

I still have some unfinished business, basically.

I am in the same boat as you.I am still deciding what stuff I would like to get done & ones I don't care as much.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

Laziness and FOMO

 

[9mmisglutenfree]

anymore, fear. if there's something after, I dont want there to be but i have always believed there might be.

i wrote about it in a post last year, but the constant "this is coming out" "this event is happening" is played the fuck out. the sentences i have said to myself themost this year is definitely "just fucking kill yourself" or "i hate my life" in one form or another. just trying to get the courage. Idon't want to die, but I do not want to deal with situations thrust upon me for the rest of my life, since my problem is a lifelong family tie. the fear of missing out hasn't affected my decision at all since september

days/moods like today. im more just irritated than suicidal. kind of "rational" too? i feel like one of my reasons for ctb has worn off since i stopped caring so much about that person/situation lately. what the fuck. how did i care so much for 2 years and now i dont seem to? i think i got the closure and exposure i needed. who knows, i might be crying about it and care all over again tomorrow. my feelings about this are so conflicting. i broke down crying in the shower over it a few days ago and today i feel almost nothing?

I think that's probably really close to how i feel. except every time i have to interact with my ex, which is often since we have a young child, I feel like the timer just resets.

 

[Cepheuss]

Personally ive been waiting for summer for too long, i have quite a few concerts lined up this year and im seeing my favourite band twice in july so im gonna give my friends some more memories and ill go when it gets colder im thinking September i wanted to go early but my friends bdays on the 6th so that feels cruel

 

[meiherasayuri]

I am still here because I am a coward who is afraid to know what will continue after death