Discussion What is Your #1 Reason for Not Wanting to Live?

[spentspirit]

Work, and the insanity of modern life. I have no way of getting back to where I used to be and feeling safe, especially with the backdrop of everyone freaking out on the drop of a dime.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

Severe chemical brain damage.

 

[sos]

tired of rebuilding my life over and over again

the many attempts have sucked the life right out of me

 

[YosemiteGrrl]

Well, mostly because of my mental disorders, I am schizophrenic and having cognitive decline, it gets worse, I forget a lot more, I even forget language, words, people that I once used to know and even places I had been.

Same. It's Terrifying Beyond....

 

[AmberianDawn]

i don't like the chaos of life, nor my own chaos. I know that within my soul I am looking for a tranquility that I can only obtain through death

 

[PhilosopherInAV0id]

I am just... so, tired. I know there would be a lot of people against my opinion here, but there is nothing left to do. I've done all that I can conceivably think of my life doing (which isn't much). I am just so bored of it all.

People, activities, games, vacations, therapy, insanity-I've done it all. They don't excite me anymore.

Given the life I've lived, I'm already 100% certain that I'm going to hell, if there is one. Maybe that will bring some more stimulation, before I eventually fade into the obscurity of eternity.

I just sit, and wait, trapped in my mental realm. Amid the silent V0id, I wait, and wait, until the day comes when I take my soul away. Until I can't handle the pressure of my own mind. "For if you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."

 

[Yonlux]

I don't have hope over the future and my life don't have sense

 

[cursedbynature64]

Autism. It's just not unrealistic for me to have a happy life living with it. The thought of living through another 50+ years like this sounds like hell.

 

[frost_]

existential depression mainly related to time passing, aging, and never getting to meet certain people again. Life feels worthless when the only connections or experiences you want are in the past and that time and place is gone forever.

I felt this in my soul.

This is so true it feels like a wound reopening just to read this.

For me, there were simpler and happier times when anything seemed possible. For some time, I felt truly happy, in a special kind of way where the question of whether you're happy is silly and irrelevant and when self doubt and regret weren't familiar yet. Even if I was just naive and slow to grow out of innocence, the happiness was real while it lasted.

I remember reading a Reddit thread about the dangers of injecting heroin for the first time. I've haven't done hard drugs, so I don't know how true this is, but someone commented that the experience ruins you.

It leaves a heroin sized void in your heart that can't be replaced. Nothing comes close to the first rush of an unnaturally extreme amount of dopamine. And it never feels as good as the first time because your brain is already rewired, after that first hit, to be less sensitive to the same amount. They say it's hard to feel happy again.

Not to cheapen or compare what actual addicts or others in pain experience, but I've noticed the quality of my happiness decreases as I age. Both the amount and quality.

Everything is just harder. Like loneliness, and finding friends and partners to share life with.

People grow more sophisticated as they age. People are colored by their unique life experiences and it's never possible to have a friend that understands you in all aspects, just a few. And you're just one small slice of their lives now, with proper boundaries.

 

[Buh-bye!]

I don't want to become a slave to the system. Work is modern day slavery, and I don't dream of labor. It's NEET or rope for me. I will defy society until my last breath (by refusing to contribute). I will retain my freedom and autonomy, and I'll never submit, even if it means that I have to die

( hey there mate, i have seen you making posts that are quite philosophical most of the times, they have realism in them and i love that. this thought you presented was something i too had once but then i had this question eventually-)
if it weren't for the society and all the individuals comprising it, i wouldn't have had the autonomy i have today. if it weren't for them acting like slaves and not living life the way they actually can, selfishly, for themselves!, i wouldn't have had this unrestricted internet access or the public transport or the healthcare facilities, the comforts any of it. not that i want anything to do with the comfort
what's your take on that ? ( just want to know your perspective because i'd value it )

 

[Buh-bye!]

the problem, i crave attention i think people think of me everytime, i think people would care what i do when i do it, i think i can be someone so big who probably rules the world or something of that sort

 

[outrider567]

Sudden death of my girlfriend of 35 years, in Jan 2022--Since then, my life is just basically one of overwhelming sadness, despair, and depression

 

[Exitwings]

TLDR: I'm a "somethingist" and hypothesize that there's more than the mundane, not in a religious way but definitely metaphysical, and I don't think death is The End as much as an end.

I don't want to die. However I need out of this broken flesh prison and the only way to untether from it is to deactivate it – body dies, soul is released, presumably. I'd also like to leave this particular universe – I have my sights on one that's only a tiny bit "better", but it's on the side of tolerable for me that Here isn't. The first is my priority.

Basically regardless of beliefs or metaphysical possibilities beyond our perception and understanding, this body hurts so much and it's a body horror nightmare. So much dysphoria that I constantly fantasize about tearing the meat suit off of me.

There's a chance this will result in oblivion – fine, it's not like I have better options and it's not like I'll ever know.
I don't believe in Hell or any equivalent, personally I just can't imagine The Powers That Be / Higher Dimensional Beings / "gods" would be that cruel for no damn reason. At worst I assume they're neutral/amoral/don't care.
"Heaven" I consider possible, if unlikely, as a trap (roach motel?) for souls so we don't wander and complicate things. After all if "They" want to contain us (assuming souls can't simply be destroyed) then the best method would be paradise, yeah?
There's also a chance I'll recarnate in some random universe – my current hypothesis for what souls do when left alone. I'd really prefer that not to be my fate, at least not this time, as I have Goals and Plans.

(Am I crazy? Idk, who cares.)

Anyway I could go on lol. Maybe I'll make my own thread if anyone's interested.

 

[Daryl72]

im useless and a constant burden to others. i have nothing to show for the life ive lived

I can totally relate. I think my main reason is the life long OCD and severe depression that never really gets much better and seems treatment resistant after well over 35 years.

 

[goodbyengo]

I am in my early twenties and very sick. I struggle to eat and drink. My illness has ruined my life. Doctors tell me there's nothing they can do for me. I am in pain every day and my quality of life is awful.

 

[BlockHammer]

Haven't got a job yet despite trying for almost 2 years, i keep learning new things just so i can gain new skill but it hasn't paid off yet.

Being a burden to my parents and also unable to be financially independent, im planning to at least buy my own car after getting a job but it also failed as well

 

[turntabletennis]

growing up. this world is so very impure and i'd rather not be than be a part of it. in a way, to die young is to be young forever.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Probably aromantic but desperately want a romantic relationship, as stupid of a reason as that is. No other way out with today's medicine so my best bet is just to off myself before I get to 30 and still don't have a boyfriend or husband. It's one thing to not be able to get a partner but another to be incapable of getting one your entire life...

I'm older than you and still haven't experienced my first kiss yet. Under 30 is still young.

 

[ddddd]

Loss of capabilities, both innate and acquired. Unable to work, diminished ability to speak, and no desire for the things they once valued. They didn't have much to begin with, what seemed possible is not, and everything is being lost.
All that lies ahead is terrible pain.

 

[catnowmeowmeow]

This is so true it feels like a wound reopening just to read this.

For me, there were simpler and happier times when anything seemed possible. For some time, I felt truly happy, in a special kind of way where the question of whether you're happy is silly and irrelevant and when self doubt and regret weren't familiar yet. Even if I was just naive and slow to grow out of innocence, the happiness was real while it lasted.

I remember reading a Reddit thread about the dangers of injecting heroin for the first time. I've haven't done hard drugs, so I don't know how true this is, but someone commented that the experience ruins you.

It leaves a heroin sized void in your heart that can't be replaced. Nothing comes close to the first rush of an unnaturally extreme amount of dopamine. And it never feels as good as the first time because your brain is already rewired, after that first hit, to be less sensitive to the same amount. They say it's hard to feel happy again.

Not to cheapen or compare what actual addicts or others in pain experience, but I've noticed the quality of my happiness decreases as I age. Both the amount and quality.

Everything is just harder. Like loneliness, and finding friends and partners to share life with.

People grow more sophisticated as they age. People are colored by their unique life experiences and it's never possible to have a friend that understands you in all aspects, just a few. And you're just one small slice of their lives now, with proper boundaries.

This as you get older too everyone is either busy with their own families or closed off to connection due to past pain that'll you'll never get an innocent connection like you do when you're young. Combined with the never ending sameness of experiences each year passing feeling duller than the past, then all that's left to look forward to is eventually your body slowly breaking down while you spend your days maintaining what you can. I feel a peaceful sleep is in order

 

[ferrie]

My physical health & finances. I have illnesses that aren't curable & are barely treatable, so my quality of life in that aspect is poor. It also makes it very hard to hold a job, and I can't financially support myself right now

 

[Exitwings]

TLDR: I'm a "somethingist" and hypothesize that there's more than the mundane, not in a religious way but definitely metaphysical, and I don't think death is The End as much as an end.

I don't want to die. However I need out of this broken flesh prison and the only way to untether from it is to deactivate it – body dies, soul is released, presumably. I'd also like to leave this particular universe – I have my sights on one that's only a tiny bit "better", but it's on the side of tolerable for me that Here isn't. The first is my priority.

Basically regardless of beliefs or metaphysical possibilities beyond our perception and understanding, this body hurts so much and it's a body horror nightmare. So much dysphoria that I constantly fantasize about tearing the meat suit off of me.

There's a chance this will result in oblivion – fine, it's not like I have better options and it's not like I'll ever know.
I don't believe in Hell or any equivalent, personally I just can't imagine The Powers That Be / Higher Dimensional Beings / "gods" would be that cruel for no damn reason. At worst I assume they're neutral/amoral/don't care.
"Heaven" I consider possible, if unlikely, as a trap (roach motel?) for souls so we don't wander and complicate things. After all if "They" want to contain us (assuming souls can't simply be destroyed) then the best method would be paradise, yeah?
There's also a chance I'll recarnate in some random universe – my current hypothesis for what souls do when left alone. I'd really prefer that not to be my fate, at least not this time, as I have Goals and Plans.

(Am I crazy? Idk, who cares.)

Anyway I could go on lol. Maybe I'll make my own thread if anyone's interested.

Oh I forgot to say that I'll absolutely accept "Heaven" as a consequence of the deactivation, with the assumption that I'd have a simulation of my Goals there. I'm simply not in a place mentally or emotionally or whatever where it matters if it's "real" or not. It'd be infinitely preferable to my current hell.

Anyway I also maybe didn't answer the actual topic question(?): Why do I want to ctb?
Body sucks and there's nothing Here worth suffering as much as I am right now. I'm selfish (/positive) and don't deserve this crap(, nobody does.)

 

[Anhaedra]

Been suffering from body dysmorphia for almost a decade now, its like living in hell.

 

[cytokinestorm]

I'm autistic and I can't allow myself to get old because I know people will abuse and torment me given half the chance. I'm just waiting until I get sick with something serious (I'm nearly 55,) and I'll just let myself die. I'm so tired. Life has been hell.

 

[leaftomb]

I mostly just feel like a waste of space honestly. All I am is a burden to people around me

 

[quietly_gone]

I just don't see myself living a proper life. I know everyone suffers. I know I suffer a bit more because of mental illness and so do many people, but there are so many factors in my life that are just waiting to blow up in my face as I go on.

My family and the trauma they've given me is something I'll always carry. I've been abused and I know people leave their abusive homes and find better places but I'm stuck. I can never leave unless someone throws a million dollars on my lap and help me change my name. Even then I don't know if I'll be able to live a peaceful life because of the guilt I'll feel for leaving these horrible people alone in their horrible lives.

I'm not responsible but I was born into it and I've been conditioned to feel horrible for trying not to care. If I don't CTB by thinking I'm a horrible person I'll end up CTBing anyway by thinking my life brings me too much pain. I don't know. Sorry if this sounds confusing or stupid. I'm crying as I type this because nothing hurts more than realizing again and again that I have no way out. No chance at a good life. Just pure bad luck.

 

[blueberryDesert]

I am over 60 and was just diagnosed with trauma. My life will not get better, it worsens each day. I see ctb as a release.

 

[CHOSEVIOLENCE]

Debt and homelessness.

 

[Minsu]

Brain damage

 

[F@#$]

Probably aromantic but desperately want a romantic relationship, as stupid of a reason as that is. No other way out with today's medicine so my best bet is just to off myself before I get to 30 and still don't have a boyfriend or husband. It's one thing to not be able to get a partner but another to be incapable of getting one your entire life...

Understood. I think it might be worse to "love" someone only to get fuckin devastated with rejection. Love is a lie,nothing will hurt you more.