Discussion What helps you the most here

[Sinkinshyp]

Due to a few threads put out today & recently.. pro lifers and their crusade to shut us down and a couple more..

I want to ask what helps you the most here? How did you end up here? Has being here been help to stay longer than you had planned for those who are here long term?


A mother in one of my facebook bereaved mothers group posted her son died by Sodium N&&&& she said who would have imagined such a thing. Being in a suicidal frame of mind since my son died 3 years ago I looked up this Sodium n&&&&& ( avoiding the word in case it goes against forum rules) Doing my google search of it brought me to the wiki for it this group was mentioned in that wiki and I began being a lurker. It looked to me SN was my answer. when I do try my next CTB I do not want to fail. April was a year since I swallowed 50 pills. It obviously failed. Being a lurker I saw my hell I was born into and spent my first 18-20 yrs in I can relate to many people here. (I'll also so the fixthe26 is free advertisement for the forum they don't realize this. Others blaming the forum and using it's name or methods are also free advertisement to get members who are in that frame of mind)I've had my Sn just over a week now.

Ordering it that day I smiled- it was insane I could not stop it. I have experienced 0 joy since my son died. I had gone to use the bathroom and my mother was waiting at the door when I came out that day, she was waiting to take a shower. I was smiles ear to ear and I just burst out laughing. She said D you are laughing? whats going on? I just pointed up with both hands, jumped up and down excitedly saying I'm going I'm going. I just want to be reunited with my son. Of course that night she wanted to discuss it and I was honest with her. I told her I found an organization who can provide me with a painless peaceful way to go to my son. She admitted being scared seeing me so happy. 2 days later I was double teamed by her & my brother. I told them if I could let you feel how devastated I am for 5 minutes you would agree- making me stay here is selfish on your parts. I exist in my bedroom hysterical crying from the deepest parts of my soul for my son. After my brother left my mother admitted seeing that pure happiness that day she was conflicted- because she knows how truly happy I was knowing I have a way to go yet she said how do I give my little girl permission to go. We did discuss them keeping my home and animals. I know it will hurt her but she is somewhat on board.

Being here I have found a group of compassionate people. Kindness and understanding I have not experienced in life. I did not expect to be so touched by so many of you. Having the ability to say how I feel and not being looked at as if I had a 3rd eye is a wonderful feeling. Some have reached out and offered some suggestions for me to try- and I'll admit I am considering one of more of them. It wasn't ways to CTB but ways to try to repair my relationship with my younger son and how with covid my insurance may now cover telehealth- so I might be able to see a psychiatrist. I still want to CTB and in all honestly, I have been kissing my SN. Having it just over a week I have thought on a couple of nights maybe I should go tonight. On the other hand... I have found a place where I fit in. Where there is so much kindness and a community of amazing people. There is a part of me that says maybe that hell I went through, failing my CTB's as a teenager and having got to experience the most amazing love and happiness from 20-almost 46 with my son maybe I can be here for others... I appreciate so many of you and thank you for all your kindness thats been shown towards me and others. This peer to peer I think is so much more help in many ways that the best psychiatrists can provide... my current plan is to CTB October 13 the day my son died 12 hours from the time of his death.

has this forum and the compassion of others helped you stay past your planned date? Can pro lifers come and look at this forum from a totally different perspective and see peer to peer to actually helping people vs accusing us of being some evil suicide cult...Thank you for sharing should you also share. Much love and hugs to ALL of you

 

[Insertname1]

People here have a similar mindset, different circumstances and reasons, but there's kindness and compassion. People who actually understand instead of saying "stay strong" or "it will get better" its people that are supportive no matter what your choice is which i believe is important. Like im more comfortable saying things in here than I am to my friends coz they'll just think im stupid. I told 1 friend how I'm feeling and he won't even text me back anymore.

 

[Ghost2211]

I found this place while searching for suicide methods. I learned I was an idiot and would have caused myself to suffer, and learned better ways. I stayed because I found the people here are amazing beautiful people. I look forward to seeing so many names, and it's my only adult socialization most days. When I came here I was emotionally gutted from my ex, and had many days of panicked impulsive suicidal feelings. There are many days I cried to the group instead of killing myself.

 

[massiveblackhole]

this site is really refreshing cos people "get it", understand how you feel without boring you to death with pro-life propaganda or annoying quotes like "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", "death is a permanent solution to temporary problems". I hate that shit that i get from other forums iv been on. this one just feels more real and i find it therapeutic to vent on here.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i ended up here after realizing i have to die, in order to atone for my sins. after going farther than the first page of google, i found this site.

as for what helps me? just being a member is enough, but i also enjoy discussions like these. they're so refreshing to have, and it's liberating to not have to bite my tongue or pretend every time i say something.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

bumping because post put up about the change org to get rid of ss. So far I see that the peer to peer to helpful to many.. anyone else please comment.

 

[Dragonfire]

I found this place after looking for sites that explained methods. I like the community

 

[Sea Turtle]

I found it while looking for methods, but stayed for the people who understand ... it's so comforting not being expected to be happy to live ... to want to live ... it's nice being around people who understand ... and are so kind ... and supportive ...

 

[death137]

I used to be a lurker but decided to register to get some advice about my method and also participate in other ppl posts. I found the site mostly to be helpful and pleasant.

 

[Stick]

I don't know what I would do without this place. Empathy is so different when the other person has felt what you feel. A healthy person just can't understand my thought process, but here, I'm normal.