Venting Exhausted

[FreeWilly]

I tried to research SN and got discouraged because it seems impossible to find in US now. I'm having such a tough time daily, I doubt I'd be here if it wasn't for my dog, but she's no comfort to me.

Today has been particularly hard and I was in bed sobbing and I tried to call to her to come and cuddle and she wouldn't budge. She doesn't give AF when I'm hurting.

Meanwhile my abusive ass mother has several dogs that comfort her.

I love my dog regardless, and if I successfully CtB she'll go to my mom but I don't have energy to rehome her right now. It's getting increasingly hard not to crash my car. Everytime I drive I'm crying and begging for the universe to swallow me whole.

It's fucking bullshit to not have an easy exit. I'm so tired.

 

[untothedepths]

Do we share "mothers"? That sounds eerily like my own. You deserve better, OP.

 

[FreeWilly]

Do we share "mothers"? That sounds eerily like my own. You deserve better, OP.

I really do. Life gets worse when my family is around, but I can't afford to be independent anymore. Even close to 40. It bothers me so much that assisted S isn't legal for mental health. Forced suffering is inhumane.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it to be extreme cruelty how people suffer so much in this existence with no straightforward way to reliably die in peace, it truly is so hellish how suicide isn't accepted. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.

 

[FreeWilly]

I find it to be extreme cruelty how people suffer so much in this existence with no straightforward way to reliably die in peace, it truly is so hellish how suicide isn't accepted. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.

I did a lot of reading last night about which countries support a dignified, accompanied death. I can't tell if it's something I'd qualify for but I want to try. It would be hard to get any doctors to write that kind of paperwork in the Us, because of all the laws and liabilities, but I wonder if there are some willing to at least hear me out. Lifelong suffering that's not treatable, at a certain point they have to acknowledge death would be the more humane choice. I'm fairly certain all of friends and family have accepted that.