Before or after graduation?

[ForgottenTomb]

My sister is going to graduate soon, she is working hard at her exams and I am very proud of her. I want to ctb in a way that compromises her life as little as possible.
Before graduation:
- She will get proper support from classmates, teachers, counselors etc. so the grieving process is more effective.
- She will be much happier before the summer vacation, so she will enjoy her summer holiday more and make positive memories to comfort her and move on from the event.
- She will have leniency in her school work and exams so it technically will be easier to get a diploma, but emotionally it will still be really taxing.
- She will try to take her life if she isn't monitored by her parents. She told me that if my life ends, her life ends because according to her I am her heartbeat and I am like her mother. Unlike me, she DOES have a beautiful, happy future to look forward to and she is a multi-faceted, strong and intelligent girl who WILL uncover her potential. I don't want to sabotage this, she isn't even an adult yet. I know it will be the most painful moment of her life and I am holding out as long as I can for her, but I'm worried that at some point I just can't do this anymore. I just can't.
- She will become too demotivated to study for the exams and get her diploma.


After graduation:
- She will already have her diploma, so she won't struggle getting her diploma while grieving.
- She will have her rest year, so she'll have time to grief before getting back into employment/education.
- After getting out of high school, she will be pretty isolated while her high school friends will lose touch of her and focus on other things, she will be too isolated to confide in anyone about my passing. She will be grieving and alone.
- It will ruin her summer holiday, which will reinforce to her that she cannot live without me.

Which one is better?

 

[UKscotty]

Suicide will always be sad and tragic, we can't ignore that fact.

We can lessen the suffering but it's never really possible to lessen it by much. Each person will be hit in different ways.

It's absolutely right to try and reduce the impact but there has to come a point where you have to balance your pain vs others pains.

As long as its an absolute last resort, and people know you tried and fought, they will naturally be more accepting.

 

[lita-lassi]

after she graduates so she at least has that to fall back on after recovering however much she can from your passing

 

[Forveleth]

I think your logic is a littler flawed. If you ctb before graduation, that does not guarantee she'll get better support from anyone regarding your death. It also doesn't guarantee she'll spend the summer making happy memories. It takes years to recover from the suicide of a loved one. If you're worried about her friends being gone during the summer, there's no guarantee they'll stick around anyway.

It's going to be a long, difficult process for her either way BUT I would say wait until after so she at least doesn't have to try and finish school with this weighing on her.

 

[LXXCH]

I was in this exact situation a few years ago, and my personal choice was to wait for my sister to graduate. I don't regret making this choice either because now I know she'll be okay in the future without me and won't have to worry about school while grieving, so I say wait.
however, you know your situation best, so if you can't wait for her to graduate, it's okay to ctb before she graduates. do it when you know it's your time to go

 

[achb]

Taking finals after the suicide of a sibling would be the worst thing in the world. And her graduation would absolutely be overshadowed by grief. I would wait until after graduation.

 

[justlikeus]

I would also wait. After the loss she can take her time to get better. But before her exams, this time would probably cost her her degree.

 

[yearsoflonliness]

You'll find that if you bring other people into the equation, there will never be a 'good time' to ctb. Because she'll always be busy even after graduation. She'll have to get herself together and keep going with whatever she's going to do next. At least in the United States, after you're like 18 or out of school, you don't exactly get a break from life, things just keep going with or without you. For many people, those 'gap years' tend to become indefinite.

I'm not sure where she's graduating from/level, but it's practical to wait until such a big achievement is completed. It will be very difficult to focus on those exams/studies otherwise.