what do you want?

[AprilsOrangeSpring]

Money. I know "money doesn't buy happiness" or wtv, but I refuse to believe that until I've tried. Right now the only thing that just MIGHT fix everything is money.

Also why wouldn't money buy happiness?

I feel constricted and restrained in my current living space? Money buys me a new place that I feel comfortable in.

I have chronic illnesses and pain? Money can buy me better medical treatment and relief.

I'm dealing with intense mental health problems? Money can buy me therapy and recovery.

At the very least, money would let me buy things that could distract me from suicide. I wanna kill myself? sure, but I could wait until my shipment is delivered. I hate myself and see no point in continuing to live? right.. but I do have a salon appointment at 2, I'll just wait till then.

I think I could genuinely do that my whole life. I'm not usually prone to making impulsive choices, especially about my life, and so that extra time might just be the thing I need.

Who knows maybe I'd still kill myself. I'll have to wait and see...

 

[ImTelling]

That's really cool you wrote something at all, though! And it's nice to give it to a friend, I agree that's a good idea

I'm also so grateful that you'd want to trade music, that really means a lot to me<3 I honestly don't even have anything to show for my work so far, still trying to learn the ropes, but once I do, I'll definitely DM you :)

Thanks, please do. I'll send you something I made.

 

[Changedmymind]

I don't feel like I've ever really wanted anything. At most just thought "hey that might be nice but not really necessary so whatever". Then I read about Buddha and that desiring is the root of all suffering, but why am I suffering if I dont desire anything? I must be lying to myself and really do desire something but just cant figure out what.

 

[ctbcat]

warmth. it's an abstract word, sort of, but that's always the word that comes to mind when i'm yearning or longing. my hunger is for warmth. but i can't get enough of it. i never can

... i also just want peace. but i get treated like a sick person, and i am a sick person, so woop-de-doo... but i just want to go back to when nobody gave a shit...

 

[Green Destiny]

I feel like I could have 100 years to think about what I want from life and I still wouldn't be able to figure it put. That's a huge part of my problem, I just don't know anymore.

 

[Changedmymind]

I feel like I could have 100 years to think about what I want from life and I still wouldn't be able to figure it put. That's a huge part of my problem, I just don't know anymore.

"Two reasons that you don't really know what you want: number one, you have it, number two, you don't know yourself cause you never can. The Godhead is never an object of its own knowledge. Just as a knife doesn't cut itself, fire doesn't burn itself, light doesn't illuminate itself. It's always an endless mystery to itself. "I don't know", and this I don't know uttered in the infinite interior of the spirit. This I don't know is the same thing as I love, I let go, I don't try to force or control. It's the same thing as humility. "- Alan Watts

I want to understand this :D

 

[Sober4MostDays]

I want to enjoy life and feel like a useful respectable person not some mentally disabled mentally ill freak junkie embarrassment.

 

[dead22222]

All i want to follow in life is pure desire

I want to be the freeest human alive completely seperate from everything else

ill die if i cant have this nothing else matters to me





as a child youre already free but society and everything else shapes you and puts layers and a cocoon of conditioning like shaping a statue. some people call this "maturity" or "growing up" but truly all you are doing is adapting to painful circumstances around you that limit you and make your pure state from before weak and you lose it. fuck all that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! imagine if you could live as freely and happily all your life? this life is many years long and that experience only lasts for a few before all the bullshit starts coming in. I dont care about a single bit of it not a single part of society or living like that makes me feel free or enjoying my limited time on this earth in any way. I will at any costs do what I want. Explore what I want no matter what people say I dont care. im gonna live as a human is truly meant to which is free and having fun.



I will spend my time how i want and do what i want without fear for my whole life.

I cant wait to destroy everything they told me! and start truly living my life! on the edge of death! I dont care if i am killed I lived as god fucking intended me to live not as a blob as a robot a fucking slave on this worthless tredmill of society. Ill always do what i want! not whats good for me! ADVENTURE!!


my message I want to share: if you want anything you can have it you just have to figure it out to get there and somehow it makes sense as you start trying. If the power of your desire is there you will do it. No motivation or whatever bullshit if you really love it, you are naturally attracted to the thing and you do it. Really understand what you want above everything else no matter how impossible or unattainable and then if you really want it you will go. If you dont naturally do something and you force yourself, you dont really want it and love it. Dont go in that direction of the "big goals" and "superstardom" that society says is success. DO WHAT YOU REALLY LOVE AND FIGHT FOR IT YOU WILL DIE FOR IT!!! freedom is doing anything YOU naturally want!!! Not what society says!! Who cares what they say is worthy success!! I am living proof I have knowledge and understanding of fighting games that I honed over a year that nobody knows! I dont even care about it anymore much anymore but it truly works. I got to this point where I am at in my mental health by thinking about it on my own. Freestyle. obviously I still got struggles but I am so much better. You dont need to rely on anyone else or external sources of knowledge, its helpful but the most powerful thing is your own ability to figure things out.

 

[Dusk till dawn]

A button where i can reset my life with all the memories and experience i need to make sure my life won't go hell

This is the best thing that could happen to me, it'll make life heavenly and desirable, even if i have to wait for years to meet the people i want to meet the most, it's just worth all the trouble if it's possible, i'll endure hell to be able to reset my life with all my memories and experience

Sadly, we live in reality, although i'm technically more smarter and developed my personality to as much as i can, it's already too late, i wasn't strong earlier and there's no second chance, a second chance is too good to be true for me, there's nothing that gives you plot armor in life, nothing goes like you want it to go...

 

[dead22222]

"Two reasons that you don't really know what you want: number one, you have it, number two, you don't know yourself cause you never can. The Godhead is never an object of its own knowledge. Just as a knife doesn't cut itself, fire doesn't burn itself, light doesn't illuminate itself. It's always an endless mystery to itself. "I don't know", and this I don't know uttered in the infinite interior of the spirit. This I don't know is the same thing as I love, I let go, I don't try to force or control. It's the same thing as humility. "- Alan Watts

I want to understand this :D

Listen to Dao De Jing youll get it after



Imo you dont need to understand that to know what you want because the dao expresses itself as what is hapening now. What you are and what is happening now as reality is whats suppposed to happen, as an expression of the dao what you want is what it wants in a way. I think what you want isnt something that you find, its something that you do without trying and are naturally attracted to.

 

[permanently tired]

There isn't anything the world can offer me tbh. I'm cursed to be miserable if I'm alive. The damage my mother and sister did can never be undone. Maybe if I started over with a better family I would care to live