what do you want?

[3AM]

I assume not all of us JUST wants to die. like we also want to live a happy life too. But what will make you happy? What do you want? Any dream or goal that you tried to achieve? What would your dream life look like? like I want to play guitar and just sing my favorite rock songs while playing it. That's why, no matter how sad life gets, I'm not dying before playing guitar and rocking. I don't think I can be a professional rockstar or singer something. But I'm fine with only playing guitar and being a bedroom artist too. Obviously my parents don't give a shit what I want to do in my life. That's why I'm trying my best to earn money on my own to buy a electric guitar. What do you want to want? It can be anything like someone to love, friends, or any passion—just your dream life.

 

[unabletocope]

I want to die so I can shut down and escape all of the pain I'm in

 

[rozeske]

What I really want is to just get it over with and die.

 

[tekroy006]

I would like to be a famous musicians too (rock would probably be my choice), have a life with, if not many, good friends/family members, that really cared about me and that understood me. Probably have a loved one like a girlfriend or wife and be "successful" (whatever that means)... but I don't have none of them and I'm too boring and lazy for that, thats why I want to leave this world.

 

[lita-lassi]

stability and a lack of mood swings

maybe a few degrees

 

[LunarLight]

I would like to stop suffering. Be able to make music again. And live a happy life with my partner.
But it won't happen. Fuck my sick brain.

 

[Hollowman]

Nothing

 

[uzuf86]

I would like to stop suffering. Be able to make music again. And live a happy life with my partner.
But it won't happen. Fuck my sick brain.

Look into therapy and mindfulness activities.... you may still have a chance and hope it's not too late for you like in my case

 

[dajabe]

I wouldnt consider ctb if I was mentaly stable, wasnt socially akward and had a plan for the future. But in my opinion my bps is not "healing" there are just times where it isnt as hard. And most "normal" people suck and are selfish af.

 

[SuicidalTiger]

I want to ride a motorbike, I want to be a crack shot with a rifle, I want a home and a loving family. I want to help people as much as I can.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I want to have a successful suicide . to do one rational act in my life to undo the imposition, escape the prison and reach the freedom of non-existence through my own actions.

I don't want anything else from this evil world and evil life

 

[LunarLight]

Look into therapy and mindfulness activities.... you may still have a chance and hope it's not too late for you like in my case

I tried everything. Nothing worked.

 

[momento.mori]

I really want to close my eyes forever! I know it may seem hard for you to believe this from us but I personally do. I was adopted at a young age, endured many traumatic events that I simply can't forget. I met my biological family who came looking for me and I'll never understand why. Ad a child I imagined they would simply ask, "How is this lady treating you, are you safe, are you ok?" That day never came and I keep all those secrets to myself and will take them to my grave. I've completely isolated myself from everyone and I'm OK with that. I feel safe by myself. Funniest thing is if you ever met me you would never guess the amount of pain I carry, I appear to be the happiest in the room. So yeah, believe it when we say we want to go!
Out of curiosity, what does your name symbolize? I love numerology and was wondering if that number was significant to you? I really hope you get your guitar one day and enjoy that moment

 

[3AM]

I would like to be a famous musicians too (rock would probably be my choice), have a life with, if not many, good friends/family members, that really cared about me and that understood me. Probably have a loved one like a girlfriend or wife and be "successful" (whatever that means)... but I don't have none of them and I'm too boring and lazy for that, thats why I want to leave this world.

Rock music really helps to get anger/frustration and emotions out a lot of times.

 

[uzuf86]

I really want to close my eyes forever! I know it may seem hard for you to believe this from us but I personally do. I was adopted at a young age, endured many traumatic events that I simply can't forget. I met my biological family who came looking for me and I'll never understand why. Ad a child I imagined they would simply ask, "How is this lady treating you, are you safe, are you ok?" That day never came and I keep all those secrets to myself and will take them to my grave. I've completely isolated myself from everyone and I'm OK with that. I feel safe by myself. Funniest thing is if you ever met me you would never guess the amount of pain I carry, I appear to be the happiest in the room. So yeah, believe it when we say we want to go!
Out of curiosity, what does your name symbolize? I love numerology and was wondering if that number was significant to you? I really hope you get your guitar one day and enjoy that moment

I'm sorry to hear. I'm in a similar situation but all trauma I faced was while I was an adult. I hate my life because of all the past things in my life that I can't forget.
No one would ever guess the pain I have inside me. My appearance makes me look as if I'm happy and many people commented on it. I hate to hear those comments

 

[Redleaf1992]

The things I idealise the most:

- A career I feel stable in that I either enjoy a lot (hobby related etc.) or helps people in a way that feels significant.
- Not have my brain flip flop between desired sexuality and gender. If female to actually be passable (and delete bigots).
- Loving relationship, where my beliefs and OCD rules around ma teds isn't a issue.
- Close group of freinds who I'm able to do things annd enjoy my life with. Be it getting a coffee, going to the pub/club, going on holiday etc. a lot of this could be with partner instead also.
- not to be socially arkward, no intimacy issues etc.
- to actually be adept at general life things.

I guess those would be my top priorities for a happy life. Most of it feels pretty basic but out of reach.

 

[Ironborn]

I want to sleep.

 

[*Hope*]

 

[momento.mori]

I'm sorry to hear. I'm in a similar situation but all trauma I faced was while I was an adult. I hate my life because of all the past things in my life that I can't forget.
No one would ever guess the pain I have inside me. My appearance makes me look as if I'm happy and many people commented on it. I hate to hear those comments

I'm sorry to hear about you too. It's crazy because we have mastered the concept of a fake facade and people will believe it as long as you look nice and smile.

 

[Alex Fermentopathy]

Just health.

 

[hot]

I want to be happy so bad

 

[divinemistress36]

Serotonin and Dopamine

 

[*Hope*]

Serotonin and Dopamine

a word of advice: tramadol

 

[sserafim]

I want to stay young (not age past 25), and be a NEET forever. I don't want to have to eventually work for a living and be independent. I just want to be taken care of for the rest of my life. I don't want to have to support myself. I want to get everything without having to work. I want to put in no effort, yet get the reward. My dream life would be a trust fund kid, nepo baby, or a rich heiress. I'd also love to be some rich arab prince. I want infinite money and wealth. I wish I were born into wealth. My family is upper middle class but I wish we were billionaires so I wouldn't have to work eventually. I guess I just want an easy life where I don't have to work for or do anything. I've always wanted to be a cat because they have carefree lives

 

[divinemistress36]

a word of advice: tramadol

Been on it didn't help sadly

 

[whywere]

LOVED it, thank you so much for putting this on.

Have a great week.

Walter

 

[FuneralCry]

To permanently cease existing, all that I wish for is to be eternally unaware of the evil that is existence. I see no value in the futile and torturous burden of existing as a human, I'd see it as better to not exist no matter what, in fact I find it such a terrible tragedy how life even exists at all.

Existing truly is just meaningless suffering and it disturbs me how there is no limit as to how much one can suffer as long as they have the ability to exist in this hellish world. In my case I prefer the true peace of non-existence over suffering so senselessly in this existence, I don't want to suffer in any way and existing is nothing but suffering. Actually if it's up to me I'd choose to erase my existence so it's like I never existed at all, only never existing is true perfection, under no circumstances would I wish for something as undesirable as existence, to have the ability to exist is an abomination.

 

[whywere]

I want to stay young (not age past 25), and be a NEET forever. I don't want to have to eventually work for a living and be independent. I just want to be taken care of for the rest of my life. I don't want to have to support myself. I want to get everything without having to work. I want to put in no effort, yet get the reward. My dream life would be a trust fund baby, nepo baby, or a rich heiress. I'd also love to be some rich arab prince. I want infinite money and wealth. I wish I were born into wealth. My family is upper middle class but I wish we were billionaires so I wouldn't have to work eventually. I guess I just want an easy life where I don't have to work for or do anything. I've always wanted to be a cat because they have carefree lives

The one aspect to think about as far as being mega rich and not lifting a finger is:

1) Why do so many that have money wind up dead from drug od's and the like?

2) having to have security around you 24/7, wow that is a great life? NO! To go to the bathroom while someone is standing outside, wow what a grand lifestyle and if a baby is involved. always worried about being abducted, wonderful.

3) I am 68, only mention this as with life experience and seeing everything from ultra poor to ultra rich, first and foremost one has to be happy with themselves, added material objects will NOT make one "happy" if one is miserable to being with. I generally will not say much, BUT I have being, at 18 homeless and hungry and now at 68 quite the opposite and still I have issues, massive depression and the like, and material things do NOT solve these issues.

4) money/wealth can be great as far as needing some extremely expensive medical procedure(s) and the like, but one still has to be happy to begin with period.

Everyone has their own thoughts and opinions on matters of this nature, so PLEASE do not just zing me but be constructive if one is going to comment on this, thank you.

Walter

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'd like life to be less pressured. I'd like to be able to earn a reasonable salary doing the job I enjoy without having to work all hours and having to worry constantly about it. I'd like to have enough money and enough time to be able to relax and have some leisure time. Nothing extravagent. Just to see a few places in the UK on short breaks. I'd like to be able to rely on friendships.

For the real fantasy side of things, I would have liked to have been in love and found a partner in life.

For the things I really don't want to face: I don't want to grow old and ill. I don't want to go through mourning the deaths of family members again.

But there we go- pretty much all of that is either unattainable for the good things- I know- I've spent 44 years finding out, or for the really bad stuff, inevitable so, that's why CTB makes sense to me!

 

[anhedonya]

Realistically speaking, nothing would make me happy. I've asked myself this for many years: what's it going to take? What will it take for me to want to be happy living? There is nothing that currently exists on Earth, no amount of money or therapy, that could make me truly happy. If I had a million dollars being given to me every month simply for existing, I'd still use it to die. So I don't really want anything achievable.

Not so realistically speaking: justice. Changing the past. Seeing my suffering made into a physical object/observable event. If everyone who ever harmed me faced the consequences they deserved, I would feel better. The best possible scenario would be to turn the clock back to my 10th birthday with all the memories and knowledge I have right now. And lastly, a clone of myself to talk to could honestly fix me mentally. In this case of unrealistic things, I'd want to be one of the world's most famous authors, referenced hundreds of years after I'm gone. I want to become greater than myself and rise into an unknowable entity.