As of now, it's as if I've lost touch with reality and the world. If anything, people will remember me as the taciturn girl who didn't smile a lot, and whose only companions were her smartphone and laptop. I haven't contributed anything whatsoever.
I think when people we love and cherish CTB, people tend to focus on the circumstances of their passing and trying to dissect their reasoning for ctb rather than appreciating who they were as individuals.
Venerable Ajahn Brahm, a spiritual leader whom I deeply respect, brought this up when discussing the topic of suicide. Unfortunately, we've been more or less programmed to see the negative in everything. I don't want my loved ones to blame one another after I'm gone, and would hate to have outsiders gossip about what they could've done to 'prevent' my death.
Tbh I don't want to be remembered, I always wanted to make a lasting positive contribution to the world though.
And in all honesty, I'm doing just that by removing my depressed, negative self of the face of this beautiful planet, infected with grotesquely hearted people.
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