I am not sure when I caught this thought. It was in the context of jobs. I thought about when I thought about the complaint about my therapist that's for sure. The peron on the phone treated me pretty sure when I called the institution. I became really emotionally and said that I almost killed myself before going to this therapist. Which was also the true.
The next time I called there he mocked me. He acted like I ruined my chance to be taken serious. But I replied that I only became so emotional because he didn't believe me. And he became silent and very defensive after I said that. Considering the online reviews of that institutions they don't give complaints about therapist a real chance. And I think he is aware of that. I perceived him very cynical on the phone. He acted like the attorney of my therapist. I think though he became so defensive because I showed him what they do to people who experienced trauamta when they don't believe them. I am not sure whether such people have a guilty conscience. I tend to think no. People rationalize a lot. But I think when something really bad happens to them they might think it is karma.
Maybe I know now what made me come up with this thread. My friends knew someone in their area who had a special profession. I won't give details. But my friends had to work with him and they considered this person a very cynical asshole. It turned out this person committed suicide a few years after they worked with them. And I believe my friends that they were treated poorly. They also didn't take revenge but they just gossiped about that person. Another anecdote there was a German very popular Youtuber. Who did jokes about the holocaust, fat/disabled people on and on. He was the biggest asshole on Youtube Germany. Many years ago he disappeared no one knew why. Two years ago he returned with a lot of weight gained and an emotionless face. I tend to think he had a psychosis. Honestly, it seems quite plausible to me. He talked about abuse in his childhood by his dad which made him watch gore a lot. He really acted like a bully. And when he returned he received so much hate by his former fans.
I think there was a time where I also was an asshole. Maybe on a lower level. But I was also really nasty to friends on online to other people. When I developed a psychosis I asked myself whether that the price that I pay. I tend to think no. My mom started to beat me up at the age of 5 and from that on my life became a real nightmare. The amount of pain doesn't make sense considering what I did. I hope so. You never know which impact you have on other people.
I am not sure whether that's a cognitive bias or just superstition. Maybe both.
I don't think this is a law of nature. Many people are not aware when they do something evil. Evil is to a certain extent subjective. There are people who enjoy being a nasty person. But this often also comes with a price. For exampe not having real friends. Or your partner only loves you for your money and status not for your personality. And when that is gone you are all alone. I think in relations many people suffer consequences when they behave poorly. Though, there are people who cannot make connections even though they are innocent for it. Many people have stigmatizing conditions and there are not many people who support someone without getting much back.
Maybe I thought about this topics when I read an article about a veteranian. They have pretty high suicide rates. They have a guilty conscience not having enough time for the animals. PSychiatrists can have a guilty conscience when a patient commits suicide. I can remember when I was in the acute suicidality clinic and the highest doctor announced the suicide of a mother who had kids. And he even emphasized that they will ask question to him and to her. It sounded stressful. I once talked with my former psychiatrist who retired she told me no patient of her killed themselves and I was really confused because statistically that's quite uncommon. This is speculation but maybe she prefers of not knowing it. I mean I cannot imagine that no one she ever treated committed suicide. She was a kind woman maybe they waited a little bit after seeing her. Social work and caregiving. Seeing so many people who suffer not having enough time for them. Teachers and educators. Maybe when abuse happens and they didn't intervene. Soliders who served in war many develop PTSD and police men. Human resource managers. Even though I could imagine certain personalities are attracted to such jobs. Insurance workers when they have to reject help. Manipulative marketing people. Online content moderators holy shit I would not want that job. For example on TIkTok or Instagram having to filter out all the gore and abuse material. I hope AI makes their jobs easier.
Maybe one thing to add. One of the most cruel jobs that I can imagine. People who do online theft and blackmailing like sextortion. Not a few people kill themselves when they get blackmailed. I could imagine the people who get instucted have the mindset me or them. That they do this for their survival. I could also imagine it is easier to cope with such evil behavior when you are doing it for your family. Even though I think that's copium.
And maybe I have to emphasize. Not all of these people are in immeditate mental agony having such jobs. I could imagine this pain accumulates over time though. Sometimes when it is at night and they lose sleep over it. Or some people only realize what they did to other people after years of suppressing it. However, there are probably people who fade out all of that. I mean in Germany we have a history of supression generational guilt. As long as your reputation is good there is only one person that knows it. And if life is easy and you receive love by others maybe you can deal with the guilt.
I am honestly not sure whether my observations are true or accurate. Maybe some generalzations. But I also don't want to invest too much energy.
The next time I called there he mocked me. He acted like I ruined my chance to be taken serious. But I replied that I only became so emotional because he didn't believe me. And he became silent and very defensive after I said that. Considering the online reviews of that institutions they don't give complaints about therapist a real chance. And I think he is aware of that. I perceived him very cynical on the phone. He acted like the attorney of my therapist. I think though he became so defensive because I showed him what they do to people who experienced trauamta when they don't believe them. I am not sure whether such people have a guilty conscience. I tend to think no. People rationalize a lot. But I think when something really bad happens to them they might think it is karma.
Maybe I know now what made me come up with this thread. My friends knew someone in their area who had a special profession. I won't give details. But my friends had to work with him and they considered this person a very cynical asshole. It turned out this person committed suicide a few years after they worked with them. And I believe my friends that they were treated poorly. They also didn't take revenge but they just gossiped about that person. Another anecdote there was a German very popular Youtuber. Who did jokes about the holocaust, fat/disabled people on and on. He was the biggest asshole on Youtube Germany. Many years ago he disappeared no one knew why. Two years ago he returned with a lot of weight gained and an emotionless face. I tend to think he had a psychosis. Honestly, it seems quite plausible to me. He talked about abuse in his childhood by his dad which made him watch gore a lot. He really acted like a bully. And when he returned he received so much hate by his former fans.
I think there was a time where I also was an asshole. Maybe on a lower level. But I was also really nasty to friends on online to other people. When I developed a psychosis I asked myself whether that the price that I pay. I tend to think no. My mom started to beat me up at the age of 5 and from that on my life became a real nightmare. The amount of pain doesn't make sense considering what I did. I hope so. You never know which impact you have on other people.
I am not sure whether that's a cognitive bias or just superstition. Maybe both.
I don't think this is a law of nature. Many people are not aware when they do something evil. Evil is to a certain extent subjective. There are people who enjoy being a nasty person. But this often also comes with a price. For exampe not having real friends. Or your partner only loves you for your money and status not for your personality. And when that is gone you are all alone. I think in relations many people suffer consequences when they behave poorly. Though, there are people who cannot make connections even though they are innocent for it. Many people have stigmatizing conditions and there are not many people who support someone without getting much back.
Maybe I thought about this topics when I read an article about a veteranian. They have pretty high suicide rates. They have a guilty conscience not having enough time for the animals. PSychiatrists can have a guilty conscience when a patient commits suicide. I can remember when I was in the acute suicidality clinic and the highest doctor announced the suicide of a mother who had kids. And he even emphasized that they will ask question to him and to her. It sounded stressful. I once talked with my former psychiatrist who retired she told me no patient of her killed themselves and I was really confused because statistically that's quite uncommon. This is speculation but maybe she prefers of not knowing it. I mean I cannot imagine that no one she ever treated committed suicide. She was a kind woman maybe they waited a little bit after seeing her. Social work and caregiving. Seeing so many people who suffer not having enough time for them. Teachers and educators. Maybe when abuse happens and they didn't intervene. Soliders who served in war many develop PTSD and police men. Human resource managers. Even though I could imagine certain personalities are attracted to such jobs. Insurance workers when they have to reject help. Manipulative marketing people. Online content moderators holy shit I would not want that job. For example on TIkTok or Instagram having to filter out all the gore and abuse material. I hope AI makes their jobs easier.
Maybe one thing to add. One of the most cruel jobs that I can imagine. People who do online theft and blackmailing like sextortion. Not a few people kill themselves when they get blackmailed. I could imagine the people who get instucted have the mindset me or them. That they do this for their survival. I could also imagine it is easier to cope with such evil behavior when you are doing it for your family. Even though I think that's copium.
And maybe I have to emphasize. Not all of these people are in immeditate mental agony having such jobs. I could imagine this pain accumulates over time though. Sometimes when it is at night and they lose sleep over it. Or some people only realize what they did to other people after years of suppressing it. However, there are probably people who fade out all of that. I mean in Germany we have a history of supression generational guilt. As long as your reputation is good there is only one person that knows it. And if life is easy and you receive love by others maybe you can deal with the guilt.
I am honestly not sure whether my observations are true or accurate. Maybe some generalzations. But I also don't want to invest too much energy.
