What do you hate the most about your parents?

[cosmic_traveler]

I hate how my parents compare me to other kids and how they love to criticize me. I've never been praised before in my life, apart from a few circumstances. I hate how they downplay my achievements. Nothing I do is ever enough for them. They always want more more more and more

There's an expression, we hurt the ones we love the most.

The people that are closest to us are the ones who know how to press our buttons, trip our triggers, and their comments are the ones which pierce the deepest. It really sucks that your folks don't understand the pain they are dealing. From what you describe, they sound quite ignorant.

Have you tried creating a new family? The friends we had were our "chosen family" and helped us survive 15 years beyond our original CTB date. Either way, we'd like to erase your pain if we could. Big hugs. Be well on your journey.

 

[Iamtired]

i suppose the lack of critical thinking. my mother is a codependent mess in a cult who married a pedophile, forced me to live with him and believes in ridiculous bullshit like crystals and reiki nonsense. ive been no contact for several years and she still tries to get to me through my siblings

Shiiiit! Was looking for replies that sound worse than mine.
I grew up in Ny. Was forced through prep schools and had to over achieve. When I didn't they physically and mentally abused me. All the love was conditional from the moment they brought me here to today. I had to leave home early even while I was sick mentally and physically. It's best to just cut ties with family like this. As cosmic traveler stated- you can find our real family in close friends.

 

[lita-lassi]

Shiiiit! Was looking for replies that sound worse than mine.
I grew up in Ny. Was forced through prep schools and had to over achieve. When I didn't they physically and mentally abused me. All the love was conditional from the moment they brought me here to today. I had to leave home early even while I was sick mentally and physically. It's best to just cut ties with family like this. As cosmic traveler stated- you can find our real family in close friends.

yeah the people closest to me have been my friends and chosen family groups since i was a teenager. im so sorry your parents were like this to you i thankfully had some reprieve through my schooling even if the insane bullying made me break down pretty often

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Mine were definitely unprepared and fell for societal pressure both in mine and my sister's cases. Dad went full alcoholic and turned our lives into hell. Generally, he was always aloof and neglecting.
Mom was always blaming me for issues she had when I got sick. Overcontrolling, abusive, always snappy, comparing to others...
All that with their low income was driving me aggressive and anxious.

They are both dead now, but child trauma on top of the autistic spectrum is here.

 

[Linda]

If they have unrealistic expectations, your best response is simply to ignore them. Don't waste your energy.

On the other hand, are you sure that their expectations are entirely unreallistic? They may be seeing in you things that you can not see yourself. (If so, they are not alone.) Or they may be seeing that you have a lot of potential, but are so constrained by their own experiences of life that they are trying to push you in directions that are not right for you.

 

[damyon]

I love my parents, but I am not fond of their lack of self-awareness, reluctance to consider alternatives before jumping to conclusions, and occasional ignorance.

~~~
I know this is a bit off-topic, but I'm seeking solutions before I off myself...

As much as I love my parents, I can help but hate how much my mom lacks self-awareness, their tendency to get angry easily, and the fact that they decided to have a child despite them both clearly not being ready to have one. Deciding to have a child is in of itself selfish, but deciding to have one when you clearly aren't mentally and financially ready to so is especially selfish. The best thing I can do now is learn from their mistakes and try to avoid growing up to be like them.

Can I teach my parents self-awareness? How can I get them interested in it? Have you had any success with it if you tried?
My parents have similar problems, and I thought I could get your input on that...
I have been mostly unsuccessful, and the progress that I have made has been due to random external events rather than my input...

That they don't help me with finding alternative ways of healing I know it sounds dumb but I've tried everything and have no energy to keep trying if they want me to stick around then they should help me with healing

Same. As a last resort, I tried directly confronting them about it, which did not help...

~~~

If they have unrealistic expectations, your best response is simply to ignore them. Don't waste your energy.

(This is unrelated to the OP question you are responding to, but...) How do I solve the issues I described above?
The problem is that I love my parents and want them to improve, so avoiding them is out of the question. However, if they weren't my parents, I might have considered doing so...

 

[BlendedHeart]

About my father: Neglect, abandonment, lack of concern.

About my mother: Nothing, really. I have minor gripes about her, but she has supported me in mostly everything, and she always notices when I'm down and tries to cheer me up, or to involve herself in my diminishing list of interests, so I can't hate.

 

[Gonnerr]

My parents broke up when i was 10 , it was very hard.

My father never called me once after , i always had to call and do the first step , he should have kept his dick in his pants. When you don't have a father figure growing up for a guy , your are basically fucked.

My mother was crazy on anti depressant, on and off hospital , she fucked me up too.
She tried to commit suicide in front of me once. How crazy to do that in front of your child , i was 25.

Still managed to get to 44 even though i am a highly functional autist. But im tired now , im pulling the plug hopefully soon , i got everything, just bought aquarium test and distilled water to do the test then im gone.

Every day is a nightmare.

 

[Lost_5oul]

I hate how my parents compare me to other kids and how they love to criticize me. I've never been praised before in my life, apart from a few circumstances. I hate how they downplay my achievements. Nothing I do is ever enough for them. They always want more more more and more

There are so many things I want to say. But, I think the 'source' of all my feelings; comes from the frustration of knowing there was no plan for me and my siblings. To know my brother and I exist simply because of the sexual urges of my mother and father.

I was only 13-14 when I first came to that realization, almost a decade later now. (23) After all the stuff I've been through, all the bullshit: Early existential crisis's, feeling like I'm not worthy of love.

Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind when I think about that. The fact that two idiots can bang each other and bring a living, breathing human into the world with little preparation. Couple that with domestic violence; and you have a recipe for a fucked up childhood and later on, a fucked up perspective.

I hate how my parents compare me to other kids and how they love to criticize me. I've never been praised before in my life, apart from a few circumstances. I hate how they downplay my achievements. Nothing I do is ever enough for them. They always want more more more and more

 

[Linda]

I love my parents, but I am not fond of their lack of self-awareness, reluctance to consider alternatives before jumping to conclusions, and occasional ignorance.

~~~
I know this is a bit off-topic, but I'm seeking solutions before I off myself...


Can I teach my parents self-awareness? How can I get them interested in it? Have you had any success with it if you tried?
My parents have similar problems, and I thought I could get your input on that...
I have been mostly unsuccessful, and the progress that I have made has been due to random external events rather than my input...


Same. As a last resort, I tried directly confronting them about it, which did not help...

~~~

(This is unrelated to the OP question you are responding to, but...) How do I solve the issues I described above?
The problem is that I love my parents and want them to improve, so avoiding them is out of the question. However, if they weren't my parents, I might have considered doing so...

My experience of this is that you can't change your parents very much. Sometimes, over a period of years, you can change slightly how they view some things, but that's about as far as it goes.
You are not responsible for your parents attitudes. You do not have to take onto yourself the burden of improving them. (And remember that they might not view any such attempts favorably. What you call "improvements" may seem something else entirely to them.)

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I love my parents, but I am not fond of their lack of self-awareness, reluctance to consider alternatives before jumping to conclusions, and occasional ignorance.

~~~
I know this is a bit off-topic, but I'm seeking solutions before I off myself...


Can I teach my parents self-awareness? How can I get them interested in it? Have you had any success with it if you tried?
My parents have similar problems, and I thought I could get your input on that...
I have been mostly unsuccessful, and the progress that I have made has been due to random external events rather than my input...

Yeah, I can't provide you any advice on that. I doubt that my parents are going to change their ways anytime soon. My dad has mentioned being put in anger managment before it not working and my mom can get pretty aggressive, so there is no way to confront her on her behaviour without it risking me being lashed out at. This is the same lady who grabbed the collar of my shirt in order to pull me in, scream at me in my face, and slapped me all because I cried a bit out of stress and frustration over her putting a dresser in my room that I didn't want and leaving my a complete mess in the process (this being the day before I had a math test in the morning). I didn't even cry in front of her. I specificalky waited until she left the room to do so, but just the sound of my crying was enough to piss her off, lol.

It literally took me being hospitalized from a suicide attempt for her to try and cut down on her yelling, and even then, results were temporary. People aren't going to change if they don't want to and there usually isn't much that can be done about it.

 

[sserafim]

To know I exist simply because of the sexual urges of my mother and father. Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind when I think about that. The fact that two idiots can bang each other and bring a living, breathing human into the world.

Literally. It's absurd that anyone can bring life into the world, but we have to fight for the right to die. Make it make sense

 

[Kit1]

Wish they had never had me - especially when they had gone so far as the abortion clinic and then changed their minds out of fear of karma.

 

[sserafim]

Wish they had never had me - especially when they had gone so far as the abortion clinic and then changed their minds out of fear of karma.

Unfortunately, my parents planned on having me. I wish they hadn't. I just think it's so annoying that I'm here because of them. They forced me into existence; I didn't even have a choice

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Trust me, you don't want to grow up with Muslim parents;

Thankfully I am now & will die a proud Buddhist.

I agree with the first sentence. I understand what you mean because my parents are muslim. They have been brainwashed to prioritise the religion over their own children. I know that I would get beaten up mercilessly and then get kicked out of the house if I came out as ex muslim to them. Though that's only because I'm in the west. In a muslim majority country however, muslim parents are far, far worse

 

[Lost_5oul]

Literally. It's absurd that anyone can bring life into the world but we have to fight for the right t

Literally. It's absurd that anyone can bring life into the world but we have to fight for the right to die

Not only is it absurd, it only proves to me how selfish humans really are.

They'll call me selfish for being suicidal. "Think of all the damage you'll do to your family and friends. Blah, blah, blah."

But nobody wants to talk about the damage done to us, the people who don't get to live nice lives. . Who don't get to see nice things.

I remember when I started learning just how f***ed my life was going to be, I had visited a friend's house and his mother was watching a movie with him.

She told him nice things and didn't berate him or call him stupid or dumbass. That's when I realized we don't all get the same hand. . .

 

[Kit1]

Lost_5oul, I just felt to sad reading what you wrote. I grew up not questioning being abused in every way possible - for children will not really know that something is wrong if all they have experienced is abuse. Now being a mother to both my children, both their friends come home frequently and on more than one occasion, I have heard more than one child talk about how amazed they are with how my children and I are more like friends. Some of their friends have now become like families to us and during Mother's day, I am always privileged to how many of these children will wish me and talk about their feelings and their lives. Just so sad that the younger generations are experiencing the same pain to so many of us here.

 

[worthIess]

they created me

 

[sserafim]

they created me

Same. They ripped me from the void without my consent. I need a refund!

 

[Iamtired]

@sserafim you should do one on siblings

 

[Callie Arcale]

Nothing. There might be differences of opinions, but never any hate.

Kind, gentle souls who always showered me with love. Too good for this evil world.

 

[Luke77]

They forced me into existence

 

[offbalance]

I hate how my parents compare me to other kids and how they love to criticize me. I've never been praised before in my life, apart from a few circumstances. I hate how they downplay my achievements. Nothing I do is ever enough for them. They always want more more more and more

that they suck and basically designate me as their Emotional Support Child (TM) ever since birth, whilst neglecting me

 

[annxietty]

They think they know everything yet they failed at almost everything in their lives, I feel pity towards them because even after all they have hurt me in the past (and still are in some degree) I love them, specially my mom, I dont have a healthy relationship with either of them.
My mom is always the one that suffers the most, I will never forget the first time I expressed suicidal ideation to her and all she said was that she was suffering more and that I didnt know shit about life, she always has to be the main character... My dad... well he is complicated, my brain has shut off most of the events I suffered with him, he abused me in an emotional level (also physically but not as bad as many people here have talked about... just casual slaps until I was 23, when I moved out), I was dying right next to him and he never muttered a sound, when he saw my self harm scars he told me I was mental, I begged for help to both my parents since I was 13-14, they never helped me and when they finally saw what I became they tried to help but it was too late, it is too late... only a broken me has been left...
The way they only cared about themselves, the emotional abuse, the arrogance... They are a big part of why I want to die if I think about it long enough, is dying or moving as far away as possible from them...

 

[LunarLight]

My father: I don't hate him, I just find him emotionally distant. I just wish he would tell me he was proud of me. We don't talk very much. I think it's because I'm trans and he's ashamed of it/doesn't understand it. He speaks through the phone to my little brother (who is also in depression - although far less suicidal than me) every week. He never did that with me.
I'm very grateful because without him my wife and I would be homeless. He bought us an apartment because he is wealthy af. But... idk, I just wish that we were closer and he would treat me like he treats my brother. I think he's been seeing me as completely out of my mind since I came out as trans five years ago. I feel like an embarrassment to him. That's a shame. One day he or I'll be gone forever and we won't be able to make up for lost time.

My mother: she was an alcoholic and she hurt me a lot because of it. A huge part of my C-PTSD comes from her alcoholism and the impact it had on me as a child. In the household, of course - she would wake me up in the middle of the night, barely standing, supposedly to kiss me goodnight, and I would smell the scent of beer and wine coming out of her mouth. But also outside. For example I was already severely bullied at school, and she would show up, drunk af, and make a fool of herself in front of my bullies. Everybody at school knew my mother was an alcoholic and made fun of me because of that.
She died at 56 of lung cancer a few months before Covid. She was in so much pain. Today I smoke a lot because I basically wanna kill myself and I know I have a genetic predisposition for lung cancer. But, man, I really hope I won't be dying in such pain. It was horrible to witness. At least if I get terminal cancer I may ask for euthanasia in Belgium, since they don't accept mentally ill foreigners but do accept terminally ill foreigners. I swear I won't live the same fate of suffering as my mum. May she rest in peace wherever she is, she was clearly a mess and I inherited all her mentall illnesses and addictions. I hope I can find the same peace soon.

 

[whiteclaudia]

that she could've done the work i'm trying to do now.

i excused her neglect for a long time because of her upbringing and then her grieving my father's death - but she could've sought help. it was cruel and selfish of her to not do so. she let all of her trauma bleed into her daughter's life because she would rather say that's just how life is; miserable. grin and bear it, or you're acting put upon.

 

[sweetgirl666]

I hate how my parents compare me to other kids and how they love to criticize me. I've never been praised before in my life, apart from a few circumstances. I hate how they downplay my achievements. Nothing I do is ever enough for them. They always want more more more and more

the fact that they were not prepared to have children, nor the ability to show affection and love, the daily fights when my sister and I were little. Today we are frustrated adults, each with our own emptiness. The daily struggles are with us now. I know I tried to fill all of this with alcohol, and if that wasn't enough, we both had my younger brothers who I know will suffer and already suffer for them, the emotional blackmail on children and the daily fights they witness. I haven't committed CTB to them yet but I can't take it anymore. I hate loving my parents

 

[karmaisabitch]

I love my parents but i hate how they created me. I know they never wanted me to suffer, but now I am trapped in decades of hell unless I CTB.

Me too I love my parents! It's going to hurt them the news about my death but I think they will understand why..

Trust me, you don't want to grow up with Muslim parents;

Thankfully I am now & will die a proud Buddhist.

Why? What's wrong with Muslim parents? We have a full community of Muslims in Houston and most my customers who come for haircuts are Muslim, the most beautiful people ever!! Better than us..

 

[BardBarrie]

I cannot hate nor complain about my parents: I've been so fortunate to have such committed and loving parents, who I will only betray and hurt once I CTB — especially my father.

 

[Labyrinth]

Lack of smoothness and mental clarity; being in denial about fundamental problems and acting negligently with their responsibilities. I inherited this curse, and I'm fighting to not perpetuate it in my life.