Venting On the lack of emotions and the feeling hate

[Lazy]

I honestly don't remember when it started but for a very long time now, all emotions I feel have been weakening. Like I just lost the ability to feel strongly about anything and it is destroying me.
I no longer am happy while doing things I enjoyed, I was not really sad when people really close to me died and generally everything feels "greyed out".
And I don't understand. What am I donig wrong? Why am I loosing more and more ability to feel? The moments during which I'm actually interested about what is going on in my life are dwindling in number because everything feels monotonous.

The worst thing about all this is that for some god forsaken reason, the feeling of Hate, is something I percive more and more often.
I know this might sound naive but this disgusts me about myself, I always try to be helpful to people, idk why and threfore feeling hate, tears me appart.

(Going on a small tangent here) A big part of why me feeling hate towards others makes me diespise myself even more, is my belife, that noone really is fully responsible for their action, since everything can be traced back to their circumstances, and therefore hating anyone is unjustefied.

So now I'm stuck loosing my ability to feel emotions, and regulare outbursts of hate and I don't know what to do.
I just hope I'll die of a stroke in my sleep tonight
(also sry for my "writing style (?)" I honestly don't know how to propperly interact with other humans ._. )

 

[ma0]

Same thing here, it just feels like the world around me has been reduced to static, if that makes sense. White noise.

A lot of tragic things have happened recently, especially to those close to me, and I feel nothing. I wish I could.

I also feel the same way in regards to feeling hate more. Recently, I've often thought to myself "Fuck, everything is shit. I hate everyone and everything." which is true for me to an extent.

 

[777cave]

I'm numb to everything except disgust at myself.

 

[theboy]

Anhedonia

 

[Hollowman]

Anhedonia

I wish it was easy to fix. I've had it for many years.

 

[theboy]

I wish it was easy to fix. I've had it for many years.

Yes...if only everything were easier

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

I don't know how old you are, but I'm almost 60. I also don't know if it's just something you're feeling and that it will pass. I hope it passes soon.But allow me to give you a personal point of view about feelings: I've seen enough of life to not be an optimist. I've had and still have my sufferings, but perhaps they don't even come close to the suffering of so many others who have gone through and are still in this existence. Even if I had not suffered at all, by mere observation it wouldn't be difficult to conclude that living is an accident. What happens to most people is that we are born without the awareness of the uselessness of living, of experiencing pleasure, pain, etc. We usually have more pain than pleasure. Everything around us feeds an illusion that living is a kind of gift. Nothing could be more misleading. It would be enough to imagine that we were born with thousands of possibilities of illnesses. Cures? Treatments? When there are any, they cost money. This simple fact of the nature of life should be enough to make us understand that we are here by accident and the rule is suffering. On the other hand, I don't see any other way of being of everything that surrounds us that leads us to believe that life is a gift. We are shaped to have all kinds of good feelings about everything, especially about life. Individually, many end up discovering through experience or observation that it is all an illusion. In this accident, we still have to go through death. Another subject that is forbidden in the adopted survival model because otherwise it could mean a threat to the system as it is. I am going on too long: We are not what we think we are. We were forged so that an entire system can continue to exist. There is nothing wrong with that, especially because most people take advantage of it. It is only a problem when we realize these artifices or when our mind has difficulty fitting into this system.