Venting I would like to be like others

[Mental666]

I am 18 years old and I am still in high school. I hate the fact how unjust the life is. Many of my peers seem to lead a happy life without mental illnesses.

But for me it's different. I've been struggling with BDD for few years and it's just nightmare. I wake up hating myself. I go to sleep hating myself. I meet with friends and I hate myself. There isn't any place or time where I can feel relief. I am constantly conscious about my appearance and worry about that. My self-worth just simply doesn't exist.

I've tried many things and none of them helped me feel good. I don't even want to talk to my therapist anymore. Life is so unfair. We don't have free will at all. Everything is caused by our genes, environment, upbringing. I wait for the day when I will just say "I guess that's it" like Ronnie Mcnutt and do what I should do from the beggining...

 

[blinkblink]

i have bdd too, it sucks. honestly idk if its a disorder at this point or if im just ugly. its definitely life ruining though, centering everything around something u cant even control (or marginally so). its truly consuming.

i have no advice i just wanted to say ur not alone and maybe one day itll be different.

 

[Manfrotto99]

Can you get some cosmetic surgery? It can do wonders. I mean it's not the total answer, but I think it can help build confidence. If I had it done when I was younger things may of been different. My fondest years were those I had after getting surgery done and I didn't feel like such an ugly piece of crap for once in my life. I got some attention and it felt good. You can also change your body composition through gym and weight training.

 

[siphon_hyphen]

I'm 18 as well, and struggling similarly. It's really not fair that we have to deal with these things! It's not! It's like the whole world is against us.

Maybe this is silly, but something that has always motivated me to keep pushing forward is spite. Like... Why should I prove everyone right that the mentally ill are doomed? I want to do better than all of them to prove them wrong. I want to be successful and learn to be happy despite my numerous disorders. Perhaps you could find a similar motivation, too

 

[Mental666]

Can you get some cosmetic surgery? It can do wonders. I mean it's not the total answer, but I think it can help build confidence. If I had it done when I was younger things may of been different. My fondest years were those I had after getting surgery done and I didn't feel like such an ugly piece of crap for once in my life. I got some attention and it felt good. You can also change your body composition through gym and weight training.

I wouldn't be very willing to do surgery but I also consider this as an option but only as a last resort. I don't know if it's necessary in my situation or I am too hard on myself because for example I am not bullied for my appearance, sometimes I receive compliments, I have close friend both guys and girls and my therapist repeats to me that it's mental thing and she thinks i look normal/good but I feel really bad about my appearance. How can I check if I can live normal with how i look or there is no hope? I wouldn't like to be a model. I just wanna lead a normal life with a girlfriend and feel good about myself

 

[otomedissection]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I don't think I have BDD per se, but I certainly know how awful it can feel to hate the body that you exist in sometimes. And what sucks is that I feel most of the time it's because of some circumstance out of my control that lowkey teaches me to be critical of my appearance. Even if it's just looking a certain way to avoid people potentially being cruel to me. I think for me it was very much photo filters. I've used them for years and they're a nice confidence boost, but constantly comparing myself to what I looked like in the mirror to what a filtered photo looked like really freaked me out and I panicked a lot about which perception of myself was the truth. I've cut down a lot on using extreme filters over the years thankfully, though I still use them to some extent. I'm too far gone to give them up completely. It's tough to find love for ourselves, but I hope you can continue to grow and learn things about yourself that might shift your perspective. It can be a nightmare trying to find a single positive thing about myself sometimes, but those little things really do add up. Wishing you the very best.

 

[Manfrotto99]

I wouldn't be very willing to do surgery but I also consider this as an option but only as a last resort. I don't know if it's necessary in my situation or I am too hard on myself because for example I am not bullied for my appearance, sometimes I receive compliments, I have close friend both guys and girls and my therapist repeats to me that it's mental thing and she thinks i look normal/good but I feel really bad about my appearance. How can I check if I can live normal with how i look or there is no hope? I wouldn't like to be a model. I just wanna lead a normal life with a girlfriend and feel good about myself

Well the option is there and I think If you feel it won't make much difference and not worth it then it proberbly confirms that it is in psychological. It might even create more problems. In my case, no amount of surgery would me come anything close to being a model lol.