Discussion Things You'll Miss and Things You'll Be Free Of

[digitalblackhole]

What are some things that you're going to sincerely miss about being alive? Is it your parents? Siblings? Loved ones? Maybe just eating a meal at your favorite restaurant.
What are some things you're going to be free from? Sickness? Abuse? Financial issues? Responsibilities?

For me, the thing I'm going to miss most is my sister. She's currently 22 years old and I love her more than anyone in the world. She's a great kid and has a firm head on her shoulders. But I worry about her. I have no idea how my suicide will affect her or my family. She's also been dealing with mental issues for multiple years now. She once told me in confidence that she had suicidal ideations and I'm not sure if she still feels that way. She recently started dating a felon and it maxes out my anxiety. We used to be so close, for years her and I would spend our weekends by going to the grocery store, getting snacks and coming home to watch a movie, tv show, anime or just videos on youtube. As most relationships do, we started doing our own things as we got older. It only got worse once she started her first job last year. I hope that I'm able to spend a bit more time with her before I CTB. Nothing makes me happier than seeing her enjoy a meal I made her. This past weekend I got to spend it watching sports with her, late at night I made us a couple of grilled cheeses and she absolutely loved them. I hope that she'll live a peaceful life no matter what path she takes, that she'll be surrounded by people that sincerely love her and that she finds happiness.

The thing I'll be free of? Work. I'm not a lazy bum that just doesn't want to work, but words can't express how much I hate work on a fundamental level. Development in technology has absolutely exploded over the last 200 years. Unfortunately so has the greed of mankind. You would think that with all the modern technology available to us our lives would be significantly easier and more fulfilling, but corporations demand more and more. They have more money than they could ever spend in a dozen life times, yet they still want more. Our technology is better than ever but our happiness and quality of life is also worse than it has ever been. 40+ hour work week? No benefits? A wage that can't even cover the cost of living? No thanks. Waking up, going to work for over a third of my day, at least 5 days a week for the rest of my life sounds horrendous. The idea of having to work, all to make some person you probably hate richer, just so that you can have the privilege of spending your wages on basic human necessities like food, water and housing is nightmarish levels of evil. It used to be said that to have a good life you needed to finish high school. Then it became college. Now we've gone way past that point and not even drowning yourself in student debt is enough to live a reasonable life.

 

[StupidCat]

Bro same. I will miss my sister dearly even though she makes me suffer, I do love her so much. Just the pain I could cause her alone is one of the reasons I haven't parted yet.
But like you I don't want to live just to work I hate working. But money is running out and I will eventually have to make the decision to suffer immensely to not inflict suffering on my loved ones or just free myself from it and the financial issues.
Most likely the latter.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I won't miss anything because 1 microsecond after my brain dies = Death I won't exist ever again

I'll be free of the threat of extreme suffering and 1000 other horrible things in this evil life and evil prison world

But I won't miss anything about being alive anyway.

There is no purpose to life

What is worth even 10 seconds of the worst pain, what about 10 hours of the worst constant pain every second? Is eating a sandwich or watching a video worth that? Not to me not even 10 seconds of the worst constant pain

Yeah I was born liking the taste of food like any other animal. But that was programmed by evolution to make me a slave to food so that I continue living and pass on my genes DNA. Evolution gamed me. But even that manipulation is not worth the worst pain and has to be tied to the most extreme suffering because they lead to it and are both part of the same evil life

Imo at least 99% of the pleasure addictions and what my brain thinks it is or Needs to do, or thinks it loves to do , was programmed into me especially from 0 to 18 years old. I didn't like any of that garbage nor knew what it was at one day old so all of that was learned that I need to watch youtube videos, social media, Tv , news , sports, media, movies.... what am I? That what i did all that media videos etc which imo is what other people think life is or want everyone to think life and this evil prison world is. You are ur experiences what u saw heard etc

But all that is meaningless. However extreme pain is real and must be avoided

 

[Doll Steak]

Ill miss my siblings so much,. I feel like an uncle to them almost, like the only true guidance in the midst of the half-assed parenting they unknowingly put up with. Its painful to think how my death will affect them.

Ill also miss my hobbies I guess in a way, my ability to create things I enjoy.



What I won't miss is existence, I don't care for it much, No reason for it either. Its just unnecessary, painful bullshit. I hope I never exist again and FOREVER.

 

[LetMeOut67]

I'll miss music
That's about it

I won't miss the terrible unfairness of life where the most obnoxious and undeserving people seem to get everything. Although life seems to be getting hard for almost everyone so even they may suffer at times.

 

[lifeisadream]

Will dearly miss my cats, the sea, sun, stars & flowers.

Won't miss the cruelty of life or the pain it brings in every waking second. Or the people who've done nothing but bring hurt into my world.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wouldn't miss anything in this dreadful, torturous existence I just always saw as a mistake causing all this harm and suffering as a result and I'd be so relieved to finally cease existing, all I wish for is an eternal dreamless sleep free from all pain and suffering where this existence is all forgotten and for me non-existence is the only relief.

I find it so torturous, futile and deeply undesirable to exist, I find it a burden to exist and more than anything I wish I was never forced to suffer, I wish that this dreadful existence of unnecessary suffering where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel just to be tortured by old age was never imposed more than anything.

 

[failedmind]

I'm going to miss my mom and my nephew. They are everything to me and I'm everything to them. They're the only reason I've stayed alive for as long as I have. I think I'll miss music and coffee and the sound of rain.

The things I won't miss are waking up everyday in tears because of how much I want to die, panic attacks and stress about being alive, bills, faking being okay, and so much more.

 

[WeepingWorm]

Nothing, I think. The things I used to dearly love and which filled me with wonder no longer produce feelings. It all happened gradually. Some turned into complete garbage with no chance of recovery, some stopped being fun, and some I dissociated from. Can't really name anything that genuinely gives me good emotions or fun, at most they would be a distraction or some routine I would fall into just because. Including new things, I try those very often with honest effort.

 

[exe99109]

I love life. I'll miss so many things. Just looking at nature is awesome. I'll miss my family. I'll miss watching sports. I'll miss my friends. Music and the happiness I feel when helping others. I'll miss apples, oatmeal, water and my mom's cooking.

I won't miss the pain and frustration of trying to walk and not being able to. The pain that comes from your body deteriorating from being unable to walk. Being unable to freely move myself or constantly worrying how I might get hurt.

 

[Rynalia]

I'll probably miss music.

It's the one solace I think I can say I have. Even when I get severely anhedonic and can't enjoy it, it's still there and doesn't leave, unlike everything else in my life.

I'll certainly be listening to something as I die.

I won't really miss life or anything outside of music for that matter. I'm so unattached that I can't even feel the slightest amount of anything toward everything.

 

[outrider567]

Time Lost and Time Remembered

 

[seekingpeace88]

What are some things that you're going to sincerely miss about being alive? Is it your parents? Siblings? Loved ones? Maybe just eating a meal at your favorite restaurant.
What are some things you're going to be free from? Sickness? Abuse? Financial issues? Responsibilities?

For me, the thing I'm going to miss most is my sister. She's currently 22 years old and I love her more than anyone in the world. She's a great kid and has a firm head on her shoulders. But I worry about her. I have no idea how my suicide will affect her or my family. She's also been dealing with mental issues for multiple years now. She once told me in confidence that she had suicidal ideations and I'm not sure if she still feels that way. She recently started dating a felon and it maxes out my anxiety. We used to be so close, for years her and I would spend our weekends by going to the grocery store, getting snacks and coming home to watch a movie, tv show, anime or just videos on youtube. As most relationships do, we started doing our own things as we got older. It only got worse once she started her first job last year. I hope that I'm able to spend a bit more time with her before I CTB. Nothing makes me happier than seeing her enjoy a meal I made her. This past weekend I got to spend it watching sports with her, late at night I made us a couple of grilled cheeses and she absolutely loved them. I hope that she'll live a peaceful life no matter what path she takes, that she'll be surrounded by people that sincerely love her and that she finds happiness.

The thing I'll be free of? Work. I'm not a lazy bum that just doesn't want to work, but words can't express how much I hate work on a fundamental level. Development in technology has absolutely exploded over the last 200 years. Unfortunately so has the greed of mankind. You would think that with all the modern technology available to us our lives would be significantly easier and more fulfilling, but corporations demand more and more. They have more money than they could ever spend in a dozen life times, yet they still want more. Our technology is better than ever but our happiness and quality of life is also worse than it has ever been. 40+ hour work week? No benefits? A wage that can't even cover the cost of living? No thanks. Waking up, going to work for over a third of my day, at least 5 days a week for the rest of my life sounds horrendous. The idea of having to work, all to make some person you probably hate richer, just so that you can have the privilege of spending your wages on basic human necessities like food, water and housing is nightmarish levels of evil. It used to be said that to have a good life you needed to finish high school. Then it became college. Now we've gone way past that point and not even drowning yourself in student debt is enough to live a reasonable life.

I can relate sooo hard with the work front and sadly we're not all so lucky to have jobs we like

 

[RadioGaga]

I will be free of a terrible stress response and severe debilitating OCD given to me by a Medrol Dosepak or Methylprednisolone.

I will TERRIBLY miss my childhood and life as although it wasn't perfect it was imo the greatest or the best as if reincarnation is to be real and exist then I would be born into the next generation(gen beta). Which would be very dystopian(with iPad kids, and the rise of AI being used waaaay more often and Chat GPT, kids being stupid and not knowing much in schools… etc…). As Gen Z is the last generation imo to have a good childhood. Gen X-Gen Z have had the best childhoods. It is the next generations after us that unfortunately will not… or won't…

I'll also EXTREMELY miss the fact that I won't be able to finish my stories I was writing as they never got past the outlining phase… right now they're just pages and pages of story beats, ideas, character developments, motivations, backstories, traumas, story scenes, and moments.

 

[bishpop6]

Honestly id miss myself the life I lived the experience I got from this life that made me who i am I have no other person to miss anyway I do have a family but theyr already broken and if I ctb this won't change theyr already miserable life's.

 

[death_by_life]

I'm going to say that I'm currently experiencing the feeling of "missing," because I'm aware of what I'm leaving behind, but won't be once I'm gone. So, I'm missing it now because it's possible now. And in a weird way it's like it's already gone, and I'm just looking at it from the outside.

I'm missing my cats and horses. So much. More than anything else. That's why I'm still here. And even though I suck enough at it to not be doing it almost at all, let alone on the scale I wanted, I absolutely miss my job (self-employed). I miss my clients and their potential. I miss walking in the woods, and the somatic experience there. I miss creating as a visual artist. I also miss music.

I don't miss all the depression, anxiety, physical pain, hopelessness, social isolation and ostracism. I don't miss the impossibly heavy weight of being a toy for someone's amusement, and the betrayal that followed when the next shiny thing showed up. I don't miss sucking at my job. I don't miss being so alone in everything I am and do. I don't miss the judgement from others. I don't miss being exhausted and overwhelmed by every single thing in my life, even the few bright spots. I don't miss the utter lack of resources and the constant worry about money and debt. I don't miss the feeling that even though I was never meant to be here in the first place, I'm way behind the rest of the world because I'm too drained to keep up. I don't miss knowing that whatever I enjoy will be destroyed or taken from me every. single. time. I don't miss needing validation from strangers, or feeling like a complete fraud and failure. And I don't miss the disconnect between who I think I am and who I really am - not as intelligent or interesting or creative as I am in my head. That I don't miss at all.

 

[Linda]

Things I'll miss? Nothing. I would miss my husband, but I won't ctb while he is alive, so when I go he won't be around to miss.

Things I'll be free of? Life, and everything that comes with it. The sooner I am rid of it all the better.

 

[jazzcat621]

Im gonna miss the traveling, conventions, meeting new people, the times my emotions are at a high point.

What im escaping from, however, is those low points of emotions, being alone, being abandoned, constantly fucking up, being useless and unforgivable.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I'll miss enjoying my hobbies, reading, and learning new things.

I'll be free of the loneliness, the grind of working my unbearable job, and my own uncontrollable self-destructive behaviors.

 

[naookoo128]

i will miss music, intimacy, dancing, making people laugh, being in the present.
i will not miss the feeling of not being part of something anymore, failing at life and love, the unbearable amounts of regret and being constantly pulled back into the past.

 

[DoMore]

Weirdly I'm already missing the things that I'll miss the most... Memories of my 2 kids from when they were younger, when we had better relationships. I'll also miss my lifelong friends, I was lucky enough to have a few 30 year friendships up until a year ago. And yes, music will be missed too.

 

[WrathfulGloom32]

I won't miss anything, everything I do "for fun" is not "for fun" , it's to distract me from reality for those couple of minutes. I'll be free of everything.

Life has nothing to offer me.