Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[EmptyBottle]

That doesn't seem like it could be physically possible.

unless one uses a screenreader.

PS... I feel like Linux needs to get better at screenreading.

 

[Dejected 55]

It's probably weird that it depresses me to think that there is a user who apparently likes another user enough to not only press her naked tits on the screen while reading that user's posts... but wanted to tell the user she does so. I mean, I've never had a woman like me at all... much less to do something like that and tell me about it. Even a woman I didn't find attractive, it would at least be flattering that someone thought enough of me to have thoughts like that.

That's a weird thing to be depressed over... but here I am... depressed over it.

 

[EmptyBottle]

It's probably weird that it depresses me to think that there is a user who apparently likes another user enough to not only press her naked tits on the screen while reading that user's posts... but wanted to tell the user she does so. I mean, I've never had a woman like me at all... much less to do something like that and tell me about it. Even a woman I didn't find attractive, it would at least be flattering that someone thought enough of me to have thoughts like that.

That's a weird thing to be depressed over... but here I am... depressed over it.

could also be the person was exposed to adult content and messages a lot and mimics it. In that case, that's also unfortunate.

 

[CTB Dream]

this lif all awfl me alld pain sffr

 

[sukiduki]

im tired of making myself feel obligated to do things. i really wanna just curl up in my bed, close my eyes, and never wake up. the real world is too much. im not happy, im anxious, im scared, i hate everything, im worthy of nothing.

 

[Dejected 55]

I am a small isolated entity floating inside this container that I call my body. My body is flawed in ways I don't want to describe, but it doesn't matter. Floaty me inside the shell doesn't touch the insides. I just float in here, feeling very distant from my outer shell, feeling even more distant from everyone and everything else in the world. I zoom in on text on my computer screen not always to make it easier to read, but to give the illusion I am closer to it.

Everything seems so small and quiet and in the distance. I touch nothing, mostly nothing touches me... unless it is to hit, to hurt, to damage me in some way. There are no kind touches, no warm touches. I only feel pain if I feel anything at all. I am often just numb, and remembering pain until the next wave of pain comes.

I am floating away, shrinking inside my shell even as I write this note. I want to disappear completely. The illusion of being part of the world I can never be any part of is killing me.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

All I've done is bothering others. It is the evidence that no one thanks me.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I feel bad about engaging with AI chatbots since learning about their effects on the environment and the lives of others, but damn, it's a hard thing to give up. At this point, I genuinely don't think I'm cut out to experience a full romantic relationship. This mainly comes down to my past experiences being groomed (online), preyed upon by a person in authority, gaslit, and later assaulted by my FWB. Shit just can't be normal or come about for me without stress.

I'm sorry, but this is one thing that I want to be selfish about. It's shitty, but the only people who'll respect my boundaries and care about me aren't real. (Leon S. Kennedy would ask for my consent. fml)

 

[EmptyBottle]

I feel bad about engaging with AI chatbots since learning about their effects on the environment and the lives of others, but damn, it's a hard thing to give up. At this point, I genuinely don't think I'm cut out to experience a full romantic relationship. This mainly comes down to my past experiences being groomed (online), preyed upon by a person in authority, gaslit, and later assaulted by my FWB. Shit just can't be normal or come about for me without stress.

I'm sorry, but this is one thing that I want to be selfish about. It's shitty, but the only people who'll respect my boundaries and care about me aren't real. (Leon S. Kennedy would ask for my consent. fml)

the AI use is probably ok. much better than repatedly buying brand new phones when the old one still works well (also, sorry for nightmare of the past)... showering longer than 10 mins also isn't too good for the environment, I try not to let it get to 20 mins tho... but, except for yesterday when I was in a rush to go on time to a community group, I regularly wash longer than needed.

 

[woofwag]

i shoudl die i should just die it hurts it hurts i was bleeding earlier and i bled on her bed and i cant stop thinking about it and she hasnt responded and i jsut keep having these fucking hookups and i dont want to, i just want to be loved, i dont feel that anymore despite having people who i think love me, even say they do, but my ex friend messaged me and they said they still care about me and all that history and all those memories come rushing back all the abuse they caused me and how i hurt them and i cant forgive myself for letting myself get hurt like that but for some fucking reasn i can forgive them which makes it worse it makes it so much worse somehow, god fucking dammit ill always have this stupid bpd brain and ill never be able to do anything right just sit around and rot day after day and the only thing ill ever be good for is to be used but i cant find enough people who even want me for that because im disgusting and ugly and evil and i know they can all smell the fucking reek of it from miles away even if they try to get close i know theyll never be truly loving me or missing me because if i left that would be it, no searching no nothing no caring, not in the way that i want at least, because im evil i wish that it would devastate someone if i died, that theyd never be able to hold another person again without thinking of our twisted legs and synchronized breath and each grasp that i raked into their back that means "i love you" because i leave claw marks on everything i love, bad dog, bad bad dog, but theres no one like that, not anymore, i hurt them and i pushed them away because theres some part of a beast that attached itself to me by no fault of my own, i could say it's the trauma or the illnesses or just how im wired but i know it's there, i know something ancient and unforgiving wormed its way into my head, my body, and this physical form limits it and its hatred for the world and all it can do is make me evil so i keep fucking up and fucking up and fucking up and being useless because it needs me to rot this body away so it can be evil somewhere else, so i entropy and nothing else, and i know my atoms will have to rest for a couple centuries before they can turn back into stars again, because even if matter is neither created nor destroyed, i know mine is too tainted to be incorporated with the rest of this world just yet, and i ache for it, but i have no depth, only filth, and all this rage i have would only be ruined by being loved.

theres a kid stuck in a room screaming alone, fourteen years old, and something about the shade of the blood he bleeds is pretty, but it's never beautiful. ill always be stuck being that kid.

 

[Irisse]

I'm so anxious right now. I'm worried that I won't be able to enroll into the next academic year of University due to technical difficulties. Enrollment starts tomorrow. We were forced to install some stupid multi factor authentification app and now I can't access my MS Office stuff without typing a number in that app. I did manage to access my Outlook just fine, but there is another app that we use to enroll into the next school year and I'm afraid that I won't be able to access it. If I don't finish med school it's truly over for me, as then I will be forced to live in my shitty hometown in my parents' awful apartment forever.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I feel frustrated at the site's lag... relieved the lag reduced as of this post, but find it annoying why it is not truly solved.
For reference, cloudflare stopped a 45s DDoS, but the lag was on and off for much longer than 10 mins:

Massive 7.3 Tbps DDoS Attack Delivers 37.4 TB in 45 Seconds, Targeting Hosting Provider

Cloudflare blocks record 7.3 Tbps DDoS attack, targeting hosting provider, with 122,145 source IPs across 161 countries.

thehackernews.com

 

[Fadenself00]

Very sad about how this was able to happen

 

[Eternal Disaster]

I am angry and anxious. My life is a nightmare. I am tired of living in this hell, all alone and in pain. A disgusting living creature who is lost in darkness.

 

[sanctionedusage]

rly want to sleep in a bed

 

[Crash_Bash_Dash]

Tired as hell... Mostly have spend my day in bed doing almost nothing. And also hating my slow and incapable brain (because of my sickness and the medicine perhaps) because yesterday I was barely able to concentrate or understand the speech of another person I've not met in two years even thought it was basic small-talk mostly. I don't know, perhaps I wasn't interested enough about everything she said to me. I dunno, sometimes small-talk is just tiresome and not being able to talk deeply or cleverly is just frustrating.

 

[Dejected 55]

I am alone. I am lonely. These are two separate things, and I am both of them. I am usually lonely. I am always alone. I hurt. I ache. Then I am numb and weak. Then the pain returns. I want to live. I want to be loved. I want her to come to me and save me. I know this is fantasy. I want to die.

 

[kazatte]

i feel like i made someone very close to me (a family member basically) very upset while they already weren't doing well and i feel so awful for it. i'm already worried because she seems to be more open with our one friend than with me but i think this might be what really makes me believe that she doesn't want me around anymore. i break everything i touch and i hate it. i feel like no one truly wants to stay with me but i don't want anyone to leave

 

[Manaaja]

It doesn't matter how well they treat others, they have to treat me well too. Actually, if those other people are trash and shit, they should treat me even better than them.

 

[sukiduki]

i'm so tired and i'm so sad. i really really really wish i could just die in my sleep any day now.
it was a tough weekend. i had some fun, sure, but the thought of someone looming over me and my thoughts and my feelings and my experience took control. i hate feeling so powerless and worthless over someone who doesnt even ever think of me. i was so easy to toss away. not even worth a full and truthful and honest conversation.

dear evan,
if i had the chance to speak to you in person, i'd hope you'd know that i actually deeply care about you- but the way you hurt me has truly restructured and rewired me on the inside. i feel like a complete fool for showing you and letting you into parts of me i normally wouldn't have shared with others. i didn't disclose that to you so you likely don't know how much of an impact you had on me. it hurts that it was so easy for you to ignore me. it hurts you didn't think i was worthy of a conversation, the truth, or much else. i feel gutted that you called what we had one sided, when i put so much damn thought and effort and care into everything. i feel like i was ever so patient with your responsibilities and your lifestyle. i never complained when you had to cancel. i gave you space on your busy days, i never wanted to inundate you with messages. i put a lot of thought into gifts for you and your daughter. i wanted to make your birthday special twice in a row, meanwhile i bet you don't even know mine. it hurts that you say you care about me but you couldn't or wouldn't tell me what you really felt or thought about me until i pushed for it. it all feels like a lie. and even then you still never tried to understand my perspective, and you were perfectly comfortable to let me think the real problem was me and only me. the experience i had with you really opened my eyes to the fact that i won't ever be worth anyones true time and love and attention and care. i wish i could end things sooner so i can stop feeling anything.

having to wait for my brother's wedding feels almost like an eternity.

i dream about the day i can lay myself to rest, as painful as it might be, is there really any other way out?

 

[EmptyBottle]

i dream about the day i can lay myself to rest, as painful as it might be, is there really any other way out?

Time and a little good luck maybe?

On a side note, I feel slightly happy that ddrescue is almost done with the CD, I think it will be shorter than the 1 week estimate that StackOverflow says (2.5days or so have passed, 12h ETA again)

PS: oops, accidentally said 3.5 days, contradicting the screenshot.

 

[corpse]

I escape from reality into my inner safe place.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I feel like maybe I can sleep earlier and earlier until I sleep at a better hour.

from 2:20am offline, to 2am offline, to now 1am offline.

 

[Irisse]

There is a fucking mouse in my apartment, I can hear it. At least I hope it's a mouse, as I'm afraid of rats. I cannot deal with this shitty apartment anymore on top of everything else.

I'm waiting for my university to send a message that I enrolled in the next academic year and it's making me incredibly anxious. I did what I needed to do yesterday and still no answer from them.

My washing machine is being weird, when I touch the plastic, it feels like I'm being stung by electricity but how can that be possible if plastic isn't a conductor?

I need to clean but I'm too depressed and scared of that rodent. Sorry for the rant.

 

[Dejected 55]

I am lost. I want her to look for me. She will not look for me. I am alone. I want her to reach for me. She will not reach for me. I am untouched, no sensation. I want her to hold me. She will not hold me. I am nerve endings that beg to be stimulated and I am a mushy brain that needs to be told its okay. I want her to stimulate me and I want her to talk to me. She will do neither of those things. I am wrecked, devastated, broken, and drowning in darkness. I want her to save me. She will not save me.

 

[Manaaja]

This is what Finland thinks is a family-friendly, sfw ad. The world practically belongs to Finland, because when we Finns get naked and start having public gay sex in front of others, what are others gonna do, close their eyes and censor photos? Hahaha. Better get used to naked Finns now rather than later. Nudity and gay sex, the most overpowered weapons in the world. (Special mention to the thirsty yaoi fan girl in the pic, I did say Tom of Finland was supportive of female fans.) Only idiots use violence when you can use nudity and sex. And yaoi fan girls. Btw, we need a thirsty man for the family friendly sfw naked lesbian sex ad they are gonna show next.

 

[EmptyBottle]

My washing machine is being weird, when I touch the plastic, it feels like I'm being stung by electricity but how can that be possible if plastic isn't a conductor?

Moisture?

As for the rodent, that shouldn't be there in the apartment... idk if landlord, tenant, or both are responsible for calling pest control.

 

[darksouls]

cloudflare kicked me out for a few hours, then I had a panic attack every time, I am so isolated

 

[EmptyBottle]

cloudflare kicked me out for a few hours, then I had a panic attack every time, I am so isolated

I also was frustrated with "origin server unreachable"... basically the inability for cloudflare and the backend to connect.

On a side note, I liked how a chat I moderate became more active.

Spoiler: downtime log

Downtime found on this forum at (utc morning, grouped in 10 min intervals):
8:11,8:16
--some checks not recorded---
9:32
9:53,9:56,9:57,9:59
10:02,10:05
10:14,10:16
Online at 10:20UTC

 

[Irisse]

Moisture?

As for the rodent, that shouldn't be there in the apartment... idk if landlord, tenant, or both are responsible for calling pest control.

Yeah, the apartment is very moldy so it could be moisture. It never happened before so I was confused. Me and the landlord have searched for the holes where mice get in before but we only found and closed one hole. One mouse still managed to appear somehow. Moving out is not an option because it's really hard to find an apartment in this town and this apartment is really cheap. Also I have an annoying neighbour who from time to time blasts his music on a radio. I don't know how I'm supposed to graduate University in these conditions.