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so exhausted. I feel like nothing can help me, i don't have hopeness on the future and the life. Because i have everything, like everybody says, i have health, family, friends, but i'm completely not able to feel happy and alive. And the same time i'm afraid to take my life. I'm so boring and ingenius.
so exhausted. I feel like nothing can help me, i don't have hopeness on the future and the life. Because i have everything, like everybody says, i have health, family, friends, but i'm completely not able to feel happy and alive. And the same time i'm afraid to take my life. I'm so boring and ingenius.
The woods behind my house are so discreet and wonderful. My only calm for today descended from those few moments staring long past into the sea of trees and overgrowth.
I'm probably going to hole up there when the time comes.
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Weeping Garbage Can, RaphtaliaTwoAnimals, Jc40 and 5 others
I've started to cling to my fantasy worlds way too hard again. I am afraid to lose them and that little bit of joy that they bring to me, but I'm losing the sense of reality more and more. I don't think I mind that though.
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RaphtaliaTwoAnimals, Random, azucaramargo and 4 others
The only thing I can think about is death. Never been this suicidal before. I kind of want to be remembered as the girl who did not want to stay in this cruel world any more. Rather that than a woman who grew old and alone with her depression...
Desperate. I feel desperate and hollow and scared and angry and frustrated and overwhelmed and panicked.
I feel like a waste of existence and space and air. I feel like a monster of a mother.
I feel like a failure of a wife, like I'm hurting my husband and am no good for him. I feel guilty that he loves me, I've done nothing to deserve it. We may both be suicidal, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be the one to ctb and he's going to have to raise our daughter alone. I know that scares him. I feel ashamed I can't give him peace of mind, I know he worries one day he'll wake up to find that I didn't, and I'm so frustrated with myself that I can't give this one thing to him.
I'm not okay, I've never wanted to die more. I'm falling apart...
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Redt2go, WOODESITY, Circles and 1 other person
its barely morning and i cant wait for this day to be over. running is the only thing that makes me happy so i will do some of that. miss my lovely and horrible ex. drinking time later.
its barely morning and i cant wait for this day to be over. running is the only thing that makes me happy so i will do some of that. miss my lovely and horrible ex. drinking time later.
Desperate. I feel desperate and hollow and scared and angry and frustrated and overwhelmed and panicked.
I feel like a waste of existence and space and air. I feel like a monster of a mother.
I feel like a failure of a wife, like I'm hurting my husband and am no good for him. I feel guilty that he loves me, I've done nothing to deserve it. We may both be suicidal, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be the one to ctb and he's going to have to raise our daughter alone. I know that scares him. I feel ashamed I can't give him peace of mind, I know he worries one day he'll wake up to find that I didn't, and I'm so frustrated with myself that I can't give this one thing to him.
I'm not okay, I've never wanted to die more. I'm falling apart...
DrownedOctopus, I'm worried for you. You are certainly not a monster or a failure. I wish I could take away your pain. Your husband just wants what is best for you, and you shouldn't lambaste yourself because you are not feeling well at the moment. Being a parent is SO difficult. I admire so much the family you have built for yourself. Surely, there are tough times like these, but you have the love of your husband and your daughter. You are loved and wanted and needed. You sound like you might be in need of some sleep. I'm sorry if that's not the issue at all, but it's easy to feel desperate when you're tired. Sending you a lot of love. You are a very good wife and mother and forum member. xoxo
I've started to cling to my fantasy worlds way too hard again. I am afraid to lose them and that little bit of joy that they bring to me, but I'm losing the sense of reality more and more. I don't think I mind that though.
Angry and tired. Frustrated that no matter how hard I try, I will never achieve anything. Bitter because of the injustice so many people face because of immutable factors. Vengeful because of the hatred dealt to those who have done nothing to negatively affect anyone, and I want to correct it. Disgusted at the people who place themselves above others. Just fucking angry but so empty at the same time; taking action only makes me feel like a mime.
Bloodlust, i desire combat and the sense of fulfiment by way of biding labor tpwards the reward of great strength. I yearn to the idea of destroyingthe diseased old self and embracing the newer savage side I've always had subconciously dreamt of thag will never bend to the slaving world we live i today. I yearn to be wild again and to be wild i. The field of battle. I am a savage.
Looking for a job but i have no formal education and only fake experience (my brother used to run a bunch of sites and he came up with a bunch of jobs i could be doing there, having any experience at all helps with offers) so my options are fucking dead ends that barely pay and employer is actively trying to scam you because well such jobs have millions of seekers and none of them are valuable at all. Also i finally have a thing i want to try in real life so i'm much less suicidal than usually for once, it really fluctuates between the times im looking for work (it's all hellscape) and the thing i'm interested in trying
Still laying in bed. It needs so much power to get up.
I have a feeling someones pressing my throat.
My heart should stop beatin'. Its suffering. There are needles sticking in it...in me. Maybe its acid too.
Everything scoops out my soul.
I feel like a useless pathetic piece of shit. A fucked up stupid fucking shithead of a worthless excuse for a man. Ridiculously stupid and weak and pathetic and retarded just absolute shit and worthless and dull and fucking useless. I hate myself I hate myself I hate my fucking stupid self
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