Desperate. I feel desperate and hollow and scared and angry and frustrated and overwhelmed and panicked.
I feel like a waste of existence and space and air. I feel like a monster of a mother.
I feel like a failure of a wife, like I'm hurting my husband and am no good for him. I feel guilty that he loves me, I've done nothing to deserve it. We may both be suicidal, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be the one to ctb and he's going to have to raise our daughter alone. I know that scares him. I feel ashamed I can't give him peace of mind, I know he worries one day he'll wake up to find that I didn't, and I'm so frustrated with myself that I can't give this one thing to him.
I'm not okay, I've never wanted to die more. I'm falling apart...