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DiscussionWhat are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.
Thread starterRose Mirren
Start date
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I have an overwhelming amount of feelings I find hard to put into words, that stem from suddenly unearthing a Big Longing that I didn't think I had anymore. I thought I don't care about anything or anyone, but oh crap...
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Makko, Hennessy, Dr Iron Arc and 1 other person
I fell ill today. Won't be a good billing week, this one.
I get knocked out with colds and fevers multiple times a year. Fragile health is a curse, especially if it doesn't decrease the amount of work you have to do, it just means you're super behind on everything when you get back.
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Sensei, Lost in a Dream, BitterlyAlive_ and 2 others
Empty, guilty, chest literally feel like it could implode. Idk. Seems like I'm getting my shit together. New job, but just want to die in the moment before my day starts. Fucked eh.
Confused. Had a reasonably good morning: Been on a long walk through a local park and by the river, did my step count, listened to positive music only (refused to listen to depressing songs which I normally do), decided to look online and order a book, got home and still want to die....
I want to just give up, nothings going like it should and I'm not good at anything. I'm tired and should go to sleep but here I am, browsing a forum that I haven't logged onto in 4 months... I actually thought I was going to be fine at one point but I started sinking again and now I'm here and I'm just going to end this reply here.
I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.
I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.
Trace amounts of paranoia and residual anxiety coupled with weak to moderate feelings of inferiority. Managed to have a great couple of days in regards to diet and exercise, so body feels strong and relaxed.
I want to vent my frustrations to someone about our relationship(?). Due to self imposed rules I have set in place for my own security from previous relationships, I don't no how to express my feeling without coming off as a needy narcissistic asshole... And it's infuriating.
I want to vent my frustrations to someone about our relationship(?). Due to self imposed rules I have set in place for my own security from previous relationships, I don't no how to express my feeling without coming off as a needy narcissistic asshole... And it's infuriating.
Despite how horrible and overwhelmed I continue to feel, right now I feel like I'm getting back into my element. I feel like I'm finally able to talk sensitively and candidly with people here again, thank goodness. It was a rough few months, and I hated being so caught up with my outside issues and issues here.
I don't quite agree with things here, there are many things I see that bother me. But this is first and foremost a forum for us vulnerable suicidal people to find support, connection. I don't know if this will keep up, but I'm glad I can offer that to others right now.
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Sensei, sadworld, angelfeather and 3 others
I've fucked up and annoyed my co-workers before I've even started. This was my last chance to turn my life around and I fell flat on my face strightout the gate. I want to gouge my own eyes out with a pencil. It took punching myself in the face repeatedly to fight the urge to. Or to not give a fuck that my methods are shit and ctb with what I have.
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http-410, sadworld, BeansOfRequirement and 2 others
I feel so blank and bored. Just, nothingness. I know it sounds weird but it really gets to me after prolonged periods of time. I've felt like this for a couple days now.
The lower parts of my brain keep sending me small amounts of guilt, anxiety, fear and paranoia for some reason. It's annoying. Hey, brain, I have logical structures for why these feelings and thoughts are not correct or at least counter-productive; cut this shit out.
just type, don't think ... I wanna die, no one knows how much pain I am and how tortured my mind is with my depression and anxiety, no one sees me curled up in a ball on my bed smacking myself in the face wondering why in the fuck I let myself live this long, or how many times ive choked myself or tried to hang myself at home, no one knows how badly I wish I had a gun so I could end my pain. But I will find my peace soon, i'm going to make sure of it
Gotta love high neuroticism, my suicidality is revving up again after comparing myself to others and imaginary scenarios. Got kneecapped by mental illness/weakness at 17 and it has continued for five years. I got neither an education nor fun/love/friendships during the fist third of my "best years". Just apathy, anhedonia, psychiatry, loneliness, suffering and NEETdom. It does not make sense to compare, I know this. A lot of things that doesn't make sense will make people kill themselves.
Stuck in limbo. I'm going to throw away the rest of the food. Hunger is the only thing that feels right. I'm unable to find the right words to describe how I feel. Perhaps there are no words for this.
Living feels wrong, I just feel like a zombie wishing to be really dead. I want to touch a train, I want to say goodbye to everyone but without being asked any questions in return. I want my therapist to finally tell me the truth, that there is no chance of improvement. I want to tell them the truth, but I don't want to answer questions. I just want to go in peace. Without vomiting, without pain.
I don't know if the reason I'm more numb than usual is because I planned to die this year. I just don't know. I don't know if I should take advantage of this intense dissociation while it lasts.
Everything is in chaos. Is that the purpose of therapy? I probably need a sleeping pill later, but I'll try it without.
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foxdie, iwanttodie000, Dr Iron Arc and 1 other person
I'm coming up on the one year anniversary of when my mental health started to seriously deteriorate. That lead me on a path to joining this site last summer. I've been here for over half a year, it's odd. It's also distressing. I never expected this. I thought I'd be dead by now but I naively believed this would be easier then it is. My time is really running out now. What a fucking mess my "life" is...
Reactions:
http-410, iwanttodie000 and Dr Iron Arc
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