Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Defenestration]

I hope Jean Louis will reply me

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Overwhelming sadness, which is weird cause usually it's emptiness. Don't even know why. I can't start crying now. It's been 18 months, and it still cannot be real. Wtf is this life even.

 

[Unlucky777]

My world feels like it's shattered. I'm completely numb.

 

[somethingisntreal]

I need to sleep for like a week straight

 

[LittleSunshine]

Just done with a lot of BULLSHIT!

 

[dead dav]

Exhausted life is so tiring I wish I wasn't here

 

[Dejected 55]

It all seems so wasteful. People wasting opportunities. Other people never getting opportunities and, thus, being wasted potential. Nothing I have ever said or done made any difference. I don't want fame and fortune. I just wanted a taste of happiness. Just a little. It's so hard to do anything at all these days. But that also makes it hard to try again, after having tried and failed to leave this horrible existence. Bad things are coming... the longer I'm here, the more bad will come my way. I am powerless to anything that comes towards me.

 

[Sunray19]

I think about how different my life is going to be a year from now. How I am staring down a year of uncertainty. It is overwhelming and all I think about is how it's going to end.

 

[Defenestration]

I HATE PEOPLE

 

[EmptyBottle]

weak, angry and disappointed because I could not open my jar of red beet, so I had to eat celeriac

Jars are tricky to open sometimes... running them under hot water can help.

As for how I'm feeling, not too bad overall, even tho I briefly wondered whether I should have sodium azide ready in case submitting this post causes issues and accusations... tho after weighing the pros and cons of posting, think it's ok to post.... and no azide is needed.

Pedophiles didn't exist before parents started making kids. Can't be pedo if kids don't exist. Can't be pedo if you don't exist.

indeed... tho I heard even sea animals can do such stuff (scientific text, archived) https://web.archive.org/web/20221117174639/https://www.eleseal.org/papers/am_2022.pdf

I wonder what makes a human have dangerous attractions*, and do unspeakable stuff.
Since someone can also commit such atrocities without the underlying attraction, finding and fixing the issue gets more complex.

*People have attempted CTB because they feared they could cause such abuse, and hated that.

PS: The "attempted CTB" example seems to explain some of the issue... starting with the OP being SA'd, developing an adult content addiction before they were an adult... and ending with the OP accessing illegal adult content and feeling disgusted with themselves... tho I think they might've quit that stuff coz they are telling their story on Reddit.

 

[Defenestration]

Fear of tomorrow meet eric

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

I just feel tired not suicidal at least not right now just tired of being lied to about what happened to me in the past it is like the people who know what happens to me in the past tried rewriting history my history.

 

[Xi-Xi]

Masochistic

 

[Defenestration]

Die in my sleep

 

[BlendedHeart]

I'm in hell.

I don't want to go outside, but I don't wanna stay in either. I want to reach someone, anyone, but I know I'll be rejected. I want to end myself, but I don't have the courage to do so. I can't stop crying, but I need to show I'm ok.

It's not I don't like my life. I don't like life, period. I don't like the way anything works.

I want to leave, but I'm trapped here.

 

[Pipps]

I feel that no one understands the physical and emotional pain that I go through every day. If someone were to step in my shoes for one minute, then I think they would understand.

 

[Defenestration]

Très bien aujourd'hui...
Great meet with eric

 

[EmptyBottle]

Feels nice my room got cleaned (with me splitting the cleaning), and folding@home going well without interruption.

I made several posts a day in TFES forum, and removed a long post describing AI use upon request and sent that as a PM to myself.

Sore throat and congestion is annoying, appeared maybe hours ago or so.

Gn all * ‿ *

 

[Unlucky777]

I absolutely HATE life. I hate having to wake up daily and just having to stuff.

I hate the fact that I almost drowned THREE fucking times and each time someone was there to save me. Why? Why? Why? Why couldn't I have drowned when there was no one passing by to save me? I keep thinking why someone had to be there each time to save me. I also regret not having cut my throat with that knife I had to my neck when I was 12. I regret all those times I had the opportunity to CTB and I failed to do so.

I hate myself for putting myself through all those years of suffering and gaslighting myself into thinking life would get better only to end up where I am at today.

Now it's infinitely more difficult to CTB because of the guilt I feel. I have two little nieces now that I absolutely love and I can not bear to think of CTBing and how much that would impact them. My one niece already witnessed her cat die and my dad die a few weeks ago.

 

[Dejected 55]

Woke up with a headache today. Haven't had that in a little while, but I do have them semi-frequently it seems. Everything feels foggy today, moving feels like being underwater how everything takes much more effort to move. I'm going through the motions of what a human is supposed to be and do. I'm not real. I am a sad figment of someone's depraved imagination of what it would be like to suffer all the time with no hope. I wish that person would stop imagining me so I can rest.

 

[Defenestration]

Je me suis réveillé avec un mal de tête aujourd'hui. Ça faisait longtemps que je n'en avais pas eu, mais j'en ai assez souvent, il me semble. J'ai l'impression d'être dans le brouillard aujourd'hui, bouger me donne l'impression d'être sous l'eau, tout me demande un effort surhumain. Je me contente d'accomplir les gestes du quotidien, de faire ce qu'un être humain est censé être. Je ne suis pas réel. Je suis le fruit d'une triste imagination, une vision perverse de ce que serait la souffrance permanente, sans espoir. J'aimerais que cette personne cesse de m'imaginer pour que je puisse enfin trouver le repos.

I have also migrain.good luck

 

[Andarna]

I cleaned my whole house and I'm proud of myself.
I have no idea where I found the energy for this, but I did it.

Now, I'm gathering my strength to get through tomorrow.

I'm already starting to feel a bit irritated because tomorrow is Christmas Eve and nothing makes me feel more alien and out of place than family dinners.

 

[Unlucky777]

I feel empty. I feel hollow. I don't know why the fuck I keep on going feeling like this daily. Life is not fun at all. I wish I had pulled the plug on myself a long time ago when I had the chance. The more I waited the harder it got.

I hope to drink a shit ton of liquor one of these days and try again. I really should not keep going because I always come back to wanting to leave this god damn place

 

[GlassMoon]

Exhausted. Just went through a massive anxiety state. Luckily I knew the reason so I did not burst into wild panic. It was so intense I felt the fear tingling in my head. Hopefully I'm safe now until tomorrow morning, then we'll see.

 

[kitkat9234]

I just need to end it already. I wish it wasn't so hard.

 

[corpse]

My absence will not affect anyone, because my presence never mattered.

 

[Unlucky777]

I wonder if I can get someone on the dark web to murder me. Murder for hire but they would be killing me instead of someone else

 

[EmptyBottle]

I feel empty. I feel hollow. I don't know why the fuck I keep on going feeling like this daily. Life is not fun at all. I wish I had pulled the plug on myself a long time ago when I had the chance. The more I waited the harder it got.

I hope to drink a shit ton of liquor one of these days and try again. I really should not keep going because I always come back to wanting to leave this god damn place

Just be aware that liquor OD can cause blindness instead of death (or other nasty outcomes) sometimes. https://thehooknews.com/2024/05/16/...speak-after-horrific-alcohol-hazing-incident/

 

[kitkat9234]

I wonder if I can get someone on the dark web to murder me. Murder for hire but they would be killing me instead of someone else

I wish this was possible.

 

[Unlucky777]

Just be aware that liquor OD can cause blindness instead of death (or other nasty outcomes) sometimes. https://thehooknews.com/2024/05/16/...speak-after-horrific-alcohol-hazing-incident/

TY

What I meant was that I would drink alcohol to lower my inhibitions and would allow for me to make my attempt like last time. I had to drink a 6 pack to make my last attempt. Without it I am not sure if I would have the courage to go thru with CTB.