Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Denza]

Lonely (again lol)

You dont really notice how much you like talking to someone until they just stop talking one day. I just want that feeling back. The feeling of being wanted and appreciated instead of whatever the fuck this shit is.

On a different note PMs open! Haha jk not really unless you rly wanna talk to an unstable teenager

 

[Meteora]

Alienated, anxious.

 

[HereTomorrow]

Took a THC gummy, feeling good.

It's a microdose, nothing strong. Nothing to make me high.

But MAN do I feel stress relief. It's not like the stress is gone. Fighting the urge to eat another 10. This is good. This is good.

 

[Final_Choice]

I'm so tired. I don't want to go through so many interviews and doing free work for people just to get rejected and not have a job. I want some professional and financial stability. I can afford to live for now but I don't know how I'll afford to live once I stop receiving my parents support. More so the support from my step-dad's job, and next year they won't be able to support me anymore regardless of what my parents want.

I want my pain to stop. I think I might've gotten a brain aneurysm or something, I'll know what when I can go back home and see my neurologist, I just know that after so many days of not sleeping, eating, or taking care of myself I got a bump in the area I have a benign tumor in my head. I don't regret it though, I was very productive so I'm just glad I could finish some important stuff before it became too painful to keep functioning. It can't be seen unless you look at me from an angle and no one looks at me so I don't have to hide it or anything but it hurts so much. It's just constant pain, it's making everything harder to do, I was supposed to do some work today for someone to see if they can connect me with other people but I just couldn't think at all, I just sat in my chair most of the day in pain. I don't know what I'm going to say to them, but I have to apologize and catch up on my work soon somehow.

I'm just so tired, I want to rest and stop being in pain. I don't care about happiness or fulfilling certain goals, at least not being in pain, that's all I want. I want to keep living somehow for those people who are close to me (for some reason), but it's just so difficult.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm feeling pretty happy right now. Yesterday I went out with my mom and I got to meet her friend. She was very nice. I also got to drink two beers that actually taste good and not bitter. Then I got to go down to the beach and I got to be in the ocean for the first time. It also turns out that I can still swim and tread water despite having never done so in years.

I did get a bit annoyed at night, due to the fact that I haven't gotten that much time to myself for a while, especially since I'm sharing a room with my mom, and I'm also slightly filled with pent-up harness due to not having the privacy needed to be able to masturabate, but I'm going to take the other room today (if not tomorrow), so it's all good. Right now, I'm just sitting down inside and relaxing. There are a lot of geckos out today.

 

[CTB Dream]

Rly hate this wrld, all awfl ppl all see callous clap clap think callous ok prsn this lie callous scum species stpd, all scum ,me injury damage all prtnd no hpn any all clap clap callous, rly awfl life awfl unvrs awfl species

 

[Silent_cries]

I'm so tired of constantly having to do these ocd rituals. I no more want to do them, but stopping I no can do bc too nervous. It like an addiction, it keeps you hostage. It a outchy cycle. I'm so tired! I just want to be free from this heck!

 

[greebo6]

Very anxious and nervous

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Something's pent-up in my chest. I can't tell if it's anger or anguish or affection. Whatever it is I don't believe I can release it on anyone. I don't even know what exactly I'm feeling. Some weird ball of anxiousness, hatred, and sappiness? I'm not ready to face it whatever it is.

 

[Dark Moon]

I'm just numb, I don't really feel nothing.

 

[sukiduki]

i feel confused and i feel like i don't know what to feel or how to feel. some moments are better than others but at the end of the day i can't help but feel that i need to end this living.

 

[Tesha]

I need to ask for more support and help, but I'm not courageous enough - it's easier to kill my self than ask… how fucked up is that?

 

[jujujr]

And here i thought it couldnt get any worse, ive become very ill and its so painful i just want all to end now. This is the reason why i have been gone for a weekish or something idk

 

[Dayrain]

Rly hate this wrld, all awfl ppl all see callous clap clap think callous ok prsn this lie callous scum species stpd, all scum ,me injury damage all prtnd no hpn any all clap clap callous, rly awfl life awfl unvrs awfl species

I can relate to this so much.

 

[HereTomorrow]

I am such a miserable person. Life keeps throwing at me new friends and here I am getting into arguments and fights. And the causes are different every time!

I've been good at settling down anger but I hate it when people are upset at me. And I hate myself when my first thought is "Man I need to CTB right now".

I liked taking those THC gummies. Man. I'll up the dose next week but I both want to die and sastified with life.
I love my friends dearly, she said she forgave me but I feel so awkward talking to her. Maybe I'll wait a few days. It finals week soon. I hope she has it in her to feel okay with me, if she isn't already.

I care about people too much. I don't care about myself. I probably should tend to my mental health, but it's a weird feeling when I want to CTB.

 

[3/4Dead]

im so tired. just want to be done with everything. need sleep for the next month.

 

[Feedingbirds]

I really want to sleep, I need to get up early and study tomorrow but I've been in bed for 3 hours now and still can't sleep. The more I think about it the more stressed I get and the less sleepy I feel

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm in a pretty pissy mood right now. I'm already starting to grow tired of being in my mom's country and I have to stay here for another two weeks. My mom is also starting to get on my nerves a bit. She'll say things in a rude or aggressive manner and get mad at me for not responding in a polite manner, despite the fact that I only respond that way due to how rude she's being. She also wants to help me learn to socialize by forcing me into talking to others, which is ruining the progress I was making prior. She seems to think that forcing me to socialize, rather than just allowing me to take the time I need to slowly adjust to talking with others and allowing me to explore how to deal with this issue and learn how to best approach it, is a logical response to my issue. All she's done so far is cause me to regress more.

To add insult to injury, she keeps on trying to get me to open up to her. This doesn't sound so bad at first, until you realize that she is part of the reason why I have issues with opening up. If she didn't want me to end up like this then she should have been a more gentle parent who took the time to actually listen to me and try to be understanding and empathetic towards me growing up. Instead, she parented me in the typical "parent = authoritarian" manner. I never felt like I was allowed to openly express myself around her and I couldn't communicate my feelings to her excuse she never gave me the chance to do so. Hell, in grade 3 I stopped doing my homework because having her help me with it would stress me out so much that I decided that I didn't want to bother with it. Of course, when she eventually found out she immediately assumed that it must have been because I was lazy and wanted to watch tv because it's never been about why I actually do the things I do. It's always been about her and what she assumes are my motives. To have her, the same person who threatened to kick me out one night out of nowhere back when I was in elementary school, now play the "concerned parent" is getting on my nerves. She only cares now because I'm an adult and thus, in her eyes, I'm a human (at least to some degree). I find it insulting.

I know that she is doing all of this because she cares about me but I wish that she'd just let me relax for now and let me work on this when we get back. She seems to believe that she can fix me, but she can't. She doesn't know me as well as she think she does. She is trying to tackle this issue without taking into consideration what might work best for me. I'm just really tired right now. I love my mom, but she can be frustrating at times.

So far, I don't think I plan on ever coming to this country again (unless if WWIII breaks out, lol). There are nice aspects to it, but over all I'm not a huge fan of it. I prefer my home country, despite its many flaws.

 

[moshimoshi]

I feel relaxed although a bit nauseous. There was a thunderstorm and it was really cool and nice. Stormy weather is my favorite. I feel anxious and scared of the future but I'm doing alright right now

 

[scottyy]

I feel relaxed. I feel the spring wind and the fresh air that comes with it entering through my nostrils. It's late and I should be trying to sleep to fix my sleep schedule, but I love night time vibes too much. I felt in love this time last year, and in hindsight I think the ambience of spring helped facilitate that feeling.

 

[robotomy]

I feel relaxed although a bit nauseous. There was a thunderstorm and it was really cool and nice. Stormy weather is my favorite. I feel anxious and scared of the future but I'm doing alright right now

 

[HereTomorrow]

Struggling to choose life.

I am tired of trying so hard to do what most people go through effortlessly.

I really, genuinely, don't want to CTB. I do want to live. It's hard. I'm not happy. I'm suffering. Nobody outside SaSu cares about my health unless I literally say I'm going to CTB right that second.

I'm a terrible friend, a terrible human, and just want to not be here anymore.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I feel a fair bit better than usual, mainly because I got to interact with my crush during work. No actual progress was made but her mere presence was enough to lighten all of the burdens weighing me down. Is this what love is or is this still limerence? Limerence felt more like terror and dread or maybe that was just anxiety? Maybe I shouldn't be getting my hopes up too high otherwise when they crash things will get even worse. I'm a little afraid I might decide to impulsively CTB somehow. I guess if I do decide to do that I better not use my SN because I'm likely to fail and if I fail I don't want my SN to be found and confiscated. If I succeed without SN that'd be quite a feat honestly.

Oops. I started happy but then got nervous again. This is where thinking gets me. I can't help but overthink things but that's only because my default mode is actually more like not thinking at all so I often have to overthink in order to actually think…I think.

 

[Salvation_]

I'm so frustrated right now!!!! I want to cry and kill myself and then never walk in the sunlight again. I hate this. I hate everything.

Honestly I'm having a derealization moment. I want to CTB because I feel like I'm already dead and want to confirm. Is anything even real anymore? Where am I? I don't know what's happening anymore.

 

[SuicidalBitchesxo]

wanting to die but too pussy to do anything. scared of the physical pain but wanting to end my life so badly. i'm done feeling like this, im done with feeling so depressed and anxious all the damn time, i'm done with feeling like i just exist, im done feeling like i have no purpose in this world, i just want to end it all, finally have some peace.

 

[eeveestat]

yearn for community and belonging. can't achieve it anymore. want to die but. scared.

 

[Meteora]

Sad, shattered, hopeless.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

This country is already starting to me feel suicidal again. I want to go home.

 

[xhelx]

I feel incredibly lonely, and pathetic for even wanting to share things with someone. I feel like if i survive for more than a few months, I'll be ashamed of the things I've posted online when I was at my lowest, and I still can't really stop myself from doing so, I guess I'm craving understanding? Attention, even? I feel like I'm always the one caring more, way too much sometimes, to the point of burnout, but i just cant stop caring even for the people I've maybe spoken twice in my life. I feel like I'm doing too much, but I would absolutely love it if someone was doing the exact same things I do for others. Yes, I have some people in my life that might genuinely care, but whats the point if I can barely feel it at all? I'm sure most of them would think I'm insane if I told them everything that's on my mind, and to be fair, I cant blame them at all, most of the time i think im insane too. I wish for them to understand me, but I can barely ever express what I'm feeling, and I always tend to invalidate whatever I feel and whatever I've been through.

 

[Dark Moon]

I don't really feel anything, it's just the same for me that I want to die but unable to.