Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Snowstorm]

trying to be there for someone when it doesnt feel like they want you around feels so suffocating, but i promised i would

 

[Unsure and Useless]

I have exams coming up, but I still can't bring myself to study. It's like I'm hollow. I haven't even left my bed to eat. The stress is there; I feel my heart racing at the thought of exams, but my body just won't do anything. It's like I'm a corpse, rotting in one place. I'm hungry right now, but I can't move. I'm not suicidal right now, but I am depressed. There's not even any food, just a pint of partially eaten ice cream I purchased impulsively.

 

[GreenGlassDoor]

I am so tierd, no thoughts im just being pulled into the abyss. My whole body is heavy, i feel dizzy and its hard to type. But i have to get work done so we push through. I cant wait to sleep

 

[deleted442]

Death or hot chocolate

 

[Life_and_Death]

"id rather you message me then kys"
ok i messaged you. you sent 1 message saying youd rather i dont in response to my long uncompleted list of why im done.
yeeeah, thats gonna change my mind

 

[Life_and_Death]

"i wish i could make it better"
oh, idk, move in with me so i can move out of here and be with you.
whatever....ill eat a bite here and there to keep my exh off my back a bit.. 'thankfully' after a whole lifetime of undereating my body cant take much more..

 

[outatime_85]

I am a defect.

I was ill-conceived, unintended, and unplanned.

I am in a dysfunctional circle.

I am alone and lonely, with no village.

There is a tree somewhere with a spot for me to just sit and quietly wait for one of deaths emissaries to come around and collect my soul.

 

[Life_and_Death]

im feeling kinda done with my bf..
"be all mine but stay in a place that r*s you"
WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!!!?

or, say f you and give into the r so i can at least fake to myself that its 'consent' and doesnt hurt..
hope you love your big empty house. this hurting thing is fucking bs and what youre asking of me...is probably the worst thing anyone can ask of someone...

 

[ctvunny]

Just really sad right now. Prob, gonna cry myself to sleep later

 

[Kit1]

In pain. Tired. Took an overdose - not enough as I snapped back into reality in time and really not the time to die with being a mum. Have a cold. Feeling like I am on ice. Throwing up. Temperature. High BP. Need to survive today and log in for work at 7am tomorrow morning - feelings will not feed my family and pay the bills.

 

[qw3rty259]

My life is ruined. I'm like a ghost watching the aftermath of it. It's like I'm playing a crappy DLC to my life, because I already finished the main game. I feel the meaninglessness of my existence

 

[Life_and_Death]

i want to eat... but life and society has kicked me down so much i cant talk myself into it.. i just keep saying 'why should i?' i feel like ive lost my instinct to survive... i dont see why i should survive..

im mentally fried at this point... i asked my exh about the dryer with something warm wrapped around me.... im struggling to speak, only getting out single words at a time...

im so broken..

 

[Unsure and Useless]

I have an exam in 8 hours and another exam in 13? I can't get any sleep? I'm totally going to fail both exams? Being a university student is so crushing and draining? Life just isn't it for me? Hold on?

If I wasn't so afraid of the consequences of CTB and had the resources necessary, I'd do it right now, to be honest. Maybe that's why my body won't do anything, because it's already ready for death.

 

[itgotme0d]

just anxious and stressed and desperate to do something and turn things around as quick as possible before it allgets too myuch and consumes mee

 

[river]

just absolute dogshit, honestly. tired of forcing pretend smiles and trying to sound happy. cause i really should be!! and yet there's just this sadness constantly eating away at me, and i really don't know what to do about it anymore

 

[Kit1]

It is rare for me to feel angry and to feel rage - and that is how I feel now. I feel angry reading so many messages of people beaten down to the point that so many people want to end their lives. Whe I am in pain, it didn't hurt as much - but when I look around and see so many of us and I feel like we need to stand up and speak up not.just for ourselves - but to stop the next generation having to suffer as well. Apologies for the rant, but seriously upset and angry.

 

[time.to.move]

Numb, disappointed, sad, empty, meaningless

 

[Life_and_Death]

isnt it a bit hypocritical to call someone a leech when you work less hours than them? sorry my money just goes straight to bills and i cant buy fancy extra shit like you but it doesnt make me a fucking leech
like....just dont be poor.
im fucking sorry i ever got involved with someone with money

 

[nightmare_moon]

I want to go back to sleep.

 

[angelfeather]

Wondering why people make you feel so bad even when you do something kind then make you feel like you have done something wrong. I'd just rather not be alive thanks….

 

[thgilrats]

You know when you sit too much you leg feels numb, right? It feels like my whole body is like that right now. As if I spent too much time doing something repeatedly, that everything feels numb. Not in a physical sense, it's a more... metaphorical version of my mental state.

Right. And now you changed your position but you still feel numb. nothing changes. Blood should've been running through your ankles and heart and arms and whole body already. It just doesn't. And here you are. Sitting here. Staring at something inexistent as if it will help you regain your feelings. You try different stuff, you try to imitate the feelings of pain or comfort or anything, really. But you just can't. You're stuck.

And you go to sleep in hopes that it will change tomorrow... Until it doesn't. As well as it doesn't change the day after tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. And the next week, month, year. And this numbness will continue. Occasionally you will feel, – or, well, think that you feel, – your arms getting burned from something or the feeling of soft carpet on you feet. But it's so quick, so unnoticeable, that you can't even comprehend it before it's gone.

 

[R_N]

Nothing strong enough to describe.

 

[NappinHappening]

Numb, exhausted and hopeless

 

[Al Gul]

Pain, nausea and anxiety.

 

[newintown]

Very hopeless as well. I feel that no matter how much I try, nothing will ever change for the better in my life, and I will always end up failing

 

[ThymeToLeave]

Trepidation.

 

[YoungJijii]

Hopeless, anxious.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

Life just fucking sucks.

 

[Life_and_Death]

lost?
i bought some shroom chocolates, my bf doesnt know about it. part of me wants to tell him... hes probably gonna freak.. he hates that im smoking weed.. but i hear all these things that it might help.. one bite to see couldnt hurt? but the last thing i didnt tell him he ended up freaking out, calling me manipulative and abusive... i thought i was doing a good thing by not telling him. hes been going through enough...
i dont fucking know what to do anymore..

 

[Celerity]

I'm so lonely. I can't believe I have gotten this far with no one to call my own, ever. If I had just killed myself earlier when life held more (false) promise, I would never know how this feels.

A year or two ago, I had a very vivid nightmare after going to sleep drunk. The details escape me now, but I only remember waking with the certainty that I would waste my life just like my parents arguably have. I feel like I'm driving my car toward a cliff and even as I start screaming as the edge approaches, I can't take my foot off the gas or turn the wheel.