Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[ThymeToLeave]

Trepidation.

 

[YoungJijii]

Hopeless, anxious.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

Life just fucking sucks.

 

[Life_and_Death]

lost?
i bought some shroom chocolates, my bf doesnt know about it. part of me wants to tell him... hes probably gonna freak.. he hates that im smoking weed.. but i hear all these things that it might help.. one bite to see couldnt hurt? but the last thing i didnt tell him he ended up freaking out, calling me manipulative and abusive... i thought i was doing a good thing by not telling him. hes been going through enough...
i dont fucking know what to do anymore..

 

[Celerity]

I'm so lonely. I can't believe I have gotten this far with no one to call my own, ever. If I had just killed myself earlier when life held more (false) promise, I would never know how this feels.

A year or two ago, I had a very vivid nightmare after going to sleep drunk. The details escape me now, but I only remember waking with the certainty that I would waste my life just like my parents arguably have. I feel like I'm driving my car toward a cliff and even as I start screaming as the edge approaches, I can't take my foot off the gas or turn the wheel.

 

[Salvation_]

Christmas makes me feel anxious. I'd rather spend it alone... I just. Feel uncomfortable.

 

[Lullaby]

Part of me feels so stupid…sitting here thinking that if I had SN or N tonight, I would absolutely take it in a heartbeat.

It's scary to realize that I'm finally at the point. I'm just so unhappy and miserable; I've been broken down by so many people and events just the last few months alone.

At the same time, part of me feels like if I really wanted to go, I'd just do it. I live in a tall building, I've got trains around…I'm not as courageous as I psych myself up to be sometimes.

Just so so tired of feeling like I'm being punished. Feeling unwanted, unloved and a failure. It's so much worse around this time of the year because the world constantly reminds you of that.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I really want to end it all right now. I keep on imagining me killing myself in different ways. I also really want to cut myself right now, too. I want to cut myself as deep as possible. I'm trying to fight those urges at the moment.

I'm tired of existing. I want to die. Yet, at the same time I also fear death. It's pathetic. At the end of the day, death is inveitable. I'm going to die sooner or later so I may as well get it over with. I'm aware that me dying is for the best. The best for me and the best for everyone around me. I want to die, but it also terrifies me.

I'm also stressed out because I don't know how I'm going to hide my sh scars, especially onces it starts to get warmer. It was never that much of a problem before because I would usually cut around my upper wirsts, where the scarring doesn't tend to be noticeable, my inner elbows, and occassionally behind my knees. Lately, I've been cutting along my forearms and the scarring is much more obvious. I'm scared about my mom finding out and getting angry at me and my family forcing me to go and get hospitalized.

I'm feeling suicidal, stressed out, and tired.

 

[szk]

Horrible. I want this feeling to end.

 

[Kalista]

Back and forth. Earlier I felt immense emotional pain and my body constantly is sore or in pain. The emotional pain was enough this time to cause me to cry while I was showering. Then by the time 12 am reached, I felt sort of numb and it continued until right now. I expect tomorrow will be the same experience as it's been for the past few weeks. This isn't going to stop and the only way I can make everything stop is if I make my exit.

 

[TorturedEnough]

I just want to be gone.

 

[Kit1]

Right now, I am aware that I am going downhill again and feel like I am tumbling towards being suicidal. Just hoping that I don't dissociate and start taking an overdose or something. This is just hell - trying to survive and not always being able to manage due to disassociation.

 

[ctvunny]

Starting to feel frustrated. I didnt know that tidying things up would exhaust me.

 

[Lostandlooking]

Disconnected. It seems I can't feel my emotions around other people. I don't really know what I want or what I'm feeling around other people. I'm just very focused on what they might want or think or feel. And I can't switch it off. It's just how it is. It used to be slightly better. But now I just feel disconnect. Even with the person most close to me.

Overall I just want to be alone. When I'm alone at least I can feel my emotions and try to deal with them. That's painful, but still preferable to me.

 

[vitbar]

For the first time in ages feel that gnawing sensation in my guts. The temptation to indulge in the misery and help it to drown me.

 

[Unhumanly.]

Very very much hatred and anger in the very deep core of my thoughts and feelings.
I'm going to enter a full on isolation, because I deserve better than draining my energy towards those angers or acting on unleashing it.
I shut myself off not only from my world and surounding, but also from the internet possibly.
I want to write a venting thread to talk more about this, but nevermind.
Due to my messy jumbled thought, it could end up rushed and not communicating the point I want to communicate.


Goodbye for a while, world, and internet.
Who knows where could I end up in my isolation.

 

[ForeverBroken]

I'm feeling sad and uncertain. I'm feeling incredibly stupid as someone here sent me a private message asking me if I was a moron. I already have problems with self esteem and confidence and this didn't freaking help. Maybe I am a moron. Who knows.

 

[TheShadowKing]

I want to hurt myself

 

[leaf23]

It's that black sadness. Like a gaping mouth, terrifying and deep. That screams and screams while you're silent.

 

[ixkitty]

I feel a sense of loneliness. Not the loneliness from being alone and isolated, the loneliness due to lack of understanding from those around you. That feeling of no matter How much you try to explain your side, they will never truly understand. That loneliness

 

[noSuffering]

Sadness and sadness because I am not a robot. I would like to be an unstoppable machine in achieving my goal. But instead, I do a little bit of what is necessary, and spend all my time on all sorts of unnecessary crap (like the Internet), knowing full well that I'm wrong.

 

[Kit1]

Hated. I feel like people who really know how I feel (about being suicidal, complex PTSD, my past life of abuse etc) hate me and abandon me and that feeling is very pronounced this morning. It is probably because I have been feeling really unwell and I cannotnreach out to my GP for treatment - he knew of my trauma and struggles and the surgery still changed how we can communicate with the GP and despite me telling them that I cannot do that due to accessibility challenges, "rules are rules". Did they hate me so much that they are okay about me going without treatment? They are aware that Instopped taking all my meds over three months ago. But hey, the vulnerable are the hardest to treat, the most expensive to treat and have the least success results - so why bother with people like me? Bloody NHS.

 

[yoinkysplat]

miserable lmfao i hate bpd im about to ctb

 

[ASBA999]

Dead inside

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I keep on having thoughts about how worthless, disgusting, and undesirable I am. I don't know where this all came from. I was doing okay earlier today. These thoughts just randonly popped out of nowhere and now they won't leave me alone. I always hate when this happens because it makes me feel even more suicidal. It makes me want to stab myself over and over again.

I hate myself. I hate my body, my personality, everything. Why did I have to be born?

 

[Nymph]

I feel lonely, no one around me understand me or supports me. I feel like I'm just meant to ctb no matter what I do. Everyday is a struggle

 

[Life_and_Death]

gaming w/ idiots (living with idiots)
"idk why i keep dying. its not doing anything"
and i cant say anything, he interrupts me, doesnt listen, blows it off
"oh well, i dont know what it wants me to do"
if youd shut up for 2 seconds, id tell you

yesterday "well you need to..." "idk what it wants"
you dont pay attention. you dont listen then you deflect your bs on others. and continue bitching. ive listened to you bitching about the same shit for months. ive told you time and time again. why do i have to listen to your bullshit when i would have fixed it.
"my sensor doesnt work right" "maybe if you set it up right because i watched you do it wrong" "oh..no..."
youre the one digging your fucking hole. stop fucking taking the dirt from under my feet

im so fucking sick of fake victims, they get all the compassion and bs meanwhile real victims are throw aside.
fucking assholes, humans suck

 

[reiII]

having one of those days where i know ill be depressed the entire day. usually there's a brief period of nothing when i wake up in the morning. instantly i just felt terrible. how much longer do i have to endure this. how much longer until every morning is like this. just writing this makes me feel like crying or something. i'm an idiot and need to face that this is my reality. not just cry.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I feel shitty, life sucks. I lack the energy to do anything with myself nor do I really want to work on myself. I want to get better but without putting in the effort to get better. However, that isn't how life works hence I can only conclude I don't want to get better at all. Nonetheless, living the way I am sucks. I'm stuck in limbo. I don't have the energy to kill myself and I also don't have the energy to work on myself. So all I do is just sit on my ass all day and do nothing throughout the entire day. I'm too weak to do anything about myself or my life. I don't even have a reason to fight anyway. So what's the point? I wish I could be killed so that my suffering just ended already and that I don't have to do anything. I do nothing all day yet I'm just so tired and exhausted.

And while I'm writing this post, my lack of emotions regarding my situation hurts. You'd think that I would feel depressed or angry or whatever but I feel nothing but pain. It's not even sadness. Just pure pain from a headache of mine that persisted for a few hours.

Only death can make me happy. That way I'll never suffer ever again. Somebody please put an end to my misery...

 

[suffocatingseraphim]

Empty and worthless. I quite my job I've had for years without a backup plan and now I'm terrified on if i can pay rent. If i dont have something by January i plan on killing myself by partial hanging, but id leave behind my partner and 2 cats with no safety plan
I have nothing left. My relationship feels like its crumbling, my friends are all distant or busy, my family is so used to my attempts, i think now they expect me to go this way. Theyll find ways to live without me. I'm worthless and unlovable, I'm of no use to anyone, I'm deeply self centered and wretched and its a shame that anyone has gotten to know me. I just wish i could end it all now but unfortunately all i can do is drink myself into a stupor and cut my arm open like I'm a stupid teenager again.