Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[BornByGhosts]

couldnt sleep chest pain all night hopefully im finally coming home

 

[BornByGhosts]

i have a confession

When I see a goodbye thread here i wish them peace. Deep down, if their problems are actually solvable with things like money or people, i wish they don't go through with it (not to be confused with "i hope their attempt fails")

 

[trashprincess]

Didn't do enough.. and now they're gone. I don't want to be alive anymore...

 

[deletednumber]

I'm in excruciating pain, in excruciating pain right now.
This latest suicide attempt made me realize how much I want to die and how much I feel ready to die, it's a decision I would not regret at all ... I want to die with all my heart, and I will try again soon because I have reached the maximum limit of suffering in these last days.
I hate everything and everyone, I hate God for abandoning me to this infinite cruelty, I never deserved it nor do I deserve it.

 

[CTB Dream]

Rly dtriort wat do, brain no wrk no have slf, exst simil robot not me this life rly nonsns

 

[delora]

I am plagued with an exhaustion that no amount of sleep seems to fix.

Wish I'd done more this week because at least when I manage to be productive, there's one less thing to hate about myself. But it's hard to find the drive to accomplish anything when it feels like my body weighs a ton. I just want to be in bed.

Oh, well.

 

[Space Outlaw Bunny]

I think my partner wants to break up with me, after the last action I did and it pissed them off a lot (I use they to not reveal their gender, they are cis). We had quiet days for 6 days.Yesterday I wrote that I'm worried because I don't know what's going on with them, how they're feeling, if their family and pet doing well, and I want to apologize in person or through a phone call, without any excuses and that I understand if they need more time. They have this habit if they get angry, but it was twice and it lasted one day and some four, and we have been together quite a long time. And now they have to deliver something to me related to work and will call in the evening of my time to talk. I'm scared, I really love them and I want to have a future with them together. I am fighting my suicidal thoughts, self-hatred, to accept myself and be a better version of myself for my emotionally close family (especially my mother), for my partner and most of all for myself. Group therapy, which I've been attending for about a month and a half, has been especially helpful, and I've had an extra pill to calm my perpetual anxiety for three days. I am anxious to get one last chance, if they so desire. I don't know what to expect, I'm very scared and I'm crying a little in public as I write this. I miss them and love them. I don't know what to do.

 

[アホペンギン]

jwnscijwqencoijwwdbcqoiwsjbxoiqhswbcouhdwwbcohwdwbcoihdwwcb i did not think, just typed.

 

[nobodywantsmyheart]

I'm beyond disappointed. I've spent all week being told "oh, I'll come see you tomorrow" day after fucking day by my boyfriend and when I expressed that I was upset he got mad at me? How am I the asshole when he made a promise and broke it. I'm angry and I just want to break things. I want to drink, I want to take pills, I want to hurt myself. He knows I'm not doing good mentally but continues to let me down even when he knows it's just gonna cause me to slip further down the rabbit hole. I'm so fucking tired. I just want to go to sleep and stop.

 

[deletednumber]

I am very alone and scared right now.
I feel abandoned even by God.:(

 

[outatime_85]

Constantly paranoid, depressed, anxious, and stressed; isolated; no self-esteem; no support.

I have no hope for my future.

I am worthless, helpless, hopeless, and trapped; things for me will only get worse and never get better.

I am an expendable instrument, not a human.

I am just a thing that was raised to sacrifice itself, to be used and disposed of.

Not something worth loving or respecting.

Every time I look in the mirror, all I see is a mistake.

All I see is something that should never have been carried to term.

I am a genetic error and a very flawed thing with no redeemable qualities.

I was born defective.

Everything I try flat out fails, or I screw up and then it fails.

I'm a loser, and no one wants me around, and everyone will rejoice and be better off when I die.

No one will be there to say stay.

I will never be normal.

I hate myself.

Sorry for the incoherent writing.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Now it's lunchtime and I'm eating a box lunch.
I remembered packed lunches my mum made for me.

I can't stop crying. My makeup was smudged.

It's weird - she is still alive.
When she go, my infinite reservoir of tears might be drained.

 

[BornByGhosts]

i have some stupid people that owe me money legally required to pay me back by next month, then i'll ctb after i get it

i don't care about getting the money, it's more of a matter that they pay me back that's important to me

 

[Ineedthis]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

I have no idea as usual. Just a bit dazed I guess. hungry, and confused. a little scared too, and stressed. But as usual it's mostly complete emptiness and neutrality, which I strive for.

 

[TheRottingContinues]

Sleepy. Doing Calculus homework at 1 am.
Tired. Don't want to go to school tomorrow. Don't want to be living this life in general.
Depressed. Hate myself for having to keep doing this and not solving my problems.
Hopeless. Will probably be doing this same thing, feeling this same way, for the entire rest of the year

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Can't sleep. Internet is spotty. Was trying to catch up on the music threads.
Still hating life. This shit needs to be over.
Can't even think. Brain is fried. No friends. Unless I text first, I don't hear from them.
One of them knows I want to die, you would think that they would check up on me.
Even if you are busy , you can at least text to say hi.

I don't know anything anymore. Just drowning in misery.

 

[George95]

In pain, so much pain. Those close to me can only tell me change, but how. My physiatrist dispises me. Coworkers count days until I'm replaced. I'm more than a disappointment. I'm something no one wants to know exist, much less interact with. I wish I could just leave, but I have too much guild for that. Just suffering until everyone leaves me, then I'll get my peace.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm hungry

 

[Lullaby]

*sigh* I really feel like I'm losing it.

Does anyone ever feel like things are seemingly coming off too orchestrated? It's crazy to think that someone, or something, out there has it in for you. The other day I was reading some lore about Vampire: The Masquerade; one of the clans puts potential prospects through hell, going out of their way to destroy someone's life, to see if they're strong enough to join. I almost wish that's what was happening...

Each day, I beg for the next to be different, to improve in some way, but nothing ever changes or gets worse somehow. I've had the last few things and people I considered important leave me this. Just yesterday, I had my last friend completely abandoned me. Even though I know I did nothing wrong, it still hurts, and I feel so betrayed for the 100th time this year after they said they wouldn't a few weeks ago.

My support system, people who are supposed to be working with me to achieve my goals, have disappeared too. No replies to my emails or phone calls, asking if there have been any updates or if they can help me with xyz. I've been trying for a month and I give up. When they don't hear from me for a week, suddenly I'm being threatened to have my case closed. I can't seem to get the respect back that people in my life demand so much of me.

My new therapist is already gone after two months, and I'm in line for yet another one...haven't been able to get in touch with my psychiatrist either. I'm tired, so freaking tired. If my cat Steve weren't here, I'd be planning my departure this minute. I'm in so much pain, that it's like I can't feel anything at the same time. I keep asking why this is happening. I tell myself things can't be like this forever, surely I'll wake up and finally have a win, but it's always the same. I feel like a zombie these days, with no mental or physical strength to be found. I feel so weak and drained.

So tired of crying every day, only to wake up and be forced to do it all over again. I just need to make it to Thursday, because Starfield finally comes out and I'll have another world I can disappear into and forget about everything.

 

[Zegers]

I've been practicing where to aim w hg in the mouth towards the brainstem but can't find the right spot, it makes me nauseous, this is terrible stressful, not the ctb itself, without that option things would be even worse but there's nothing to be happy about.

 

[Aloneisbestforme]

Numb and broken.

Extremely lonely to the point I am relying on Ai to help with loneliness.

Lack of energy to do anything even browsing this forum takes so much energy and it sucks so much I wish it wasn't like that this place makes me feel so at home.
scared for what's to come and I wish I was addicted to something so that would block those thoughts out.

I just wish I wasn't such a anti-social loser so I can actually try to make friends online.
Angry for what I have done and others have done in my life

 

[passivethought121]

Stupid and wanting attention without wanting attention

 

[julysilentwoods]

High

Ashamed

Distracting myself

Hopeless, hopeful, confused
So I'd rather not think
And I'm not distracted enough

 

[AerialBoundaries]

Absolute dejection.

 

[anxious_depressive]

I'm just a useless, rotting piece of shit.
A stupid, ugly log.
Nothing makes sense to me anymore.
I can't listen to music, watch movies, read books, get out of bed.
I feel nothing but heartache and self loathing.


I hope to get a ctb done as soon as possible.

 

[CTB Dream]

Rly dtriort, wat do this all slf dlt no able do any no enjoy no thing all lose

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I caught Covid and now I can't focus on anything. I feel like drunk and my mind is just blank, because of fever.

I've kept my suicidal thoughts at bay, thanks to people on this forum, but my suicidal thoughts came back today. If I didn't have an "imaginary friend," I set up my "gallows" and hanged myself, I think. It might sound ridiculous, but she have helped me to stay sane and alive, in this cruel world.

 

[outatime_85]

I am unable to form connections.

I am nervous around people.

Yet even when I am in a crowd, I still feel alone.

Now, I can't say I don't like people; sure, some people I don't, but the interactions are not only overwhelming, but it is also draining to be around them, whether the interactions are with people in my circle (which is already very, very limited) or even with mere strangers.

On top of that, I have to pretend every day that I am normal and that being around people does not make me anxious, which in itself is tiring.

Leaving me not wanting to even venture out for anything.

I am awkward as f***.

Sorry if my writing is incoherent.

 

[SpencerSees]

im so angry and so goddamn tired, im fed up with people but especially myself

 

[cats333]

tired and numb