Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[todiefor]

Everyday I feel the impending doom of life looming closer, and I feel the need to ctb before it all happens. I have lost all hope and confidence in life, I'm so tired, yet the drugs took away some of the physical manifestations of that pain, but is that even better? All the logical conclusions still stand, all the reasoning are still the same, just the immediate pain feels dulled, like my feelings are wrong and needs to be altered, is that really a better way to be?

 

[Elle]

That night

 

[Salvation_]

I don't know how to describe this feeling inside me. It's like something is bursting at the seams. I shouldn't be alive right now.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

 

[Tesha]

Benzo withdrawal is the shittiest thing ever and I don't know if I'm going to manage it

 

[CTB Dream]

Vry sry vry same

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

None of my online friends have talked to me today :( feeling pretty fucking bored, lonely, frustrated. Still fucking wish I didn't exist. Fuck life. Fuck governments. Fuck rich people. Fuck existence. Fuck suffering. Fuck everything.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Lift me up
Hold me down

Keep me close
Safe and sound

Burning in a hopeless dream
Hold me when you go to sleep
Keep me in the warmth of your love
When you depart, keep me safe
Safe and sound

Lift me up
Hold me down
Keep me close

Safe and sound

Drowning in an endless sea
Take some time and stay with me
Keep me in the strength of your arms
Keep me safe
Safe and sound

Lift me up
Hold me down
Keep me safe
Safe and sound

Burning in a hopeless dream
Hold me when you go to sleep
Keep me safe
We need light, we need love

(Lift me up) lift me up in your arms
(Hold me down) I need love, I need love, I need love
(Keep me close) hold me, hold me
(Safe and sound) hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me
(Lift me up) hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me
(Hold me down) hold me, hold me
(Keep me safe) we need light, we need love

 

[BetweenRadioStations]

Numb
Confused

 

[Gloomislost]

I'm so tired and I feel awkward that if my parents don't get back from work soon, my friend is gonna be upset that we missed hanging out with our other friend at 2. Idk what to really do but I'm trying not to stress out about it too much.

 

[outatime_85]

Everything I knew was fake: people who said they loved me, people who said they were my friends.

I thought all that was true, so at some points in my life, I gave myself false hope that I was someone special, but I was wrong.

All I did was make my life hurt so much worse.

Now all that remains is a battered soul at my lowest point in life.

My face is blank and emotionless as I silently reflect on where I have landed.

The entirety of my life is a huge, painful reminder of how far behind I am and how far past the point of no return I am.

It is a sad thought to finally figure out that I am not special; I am ordinary and unremarkable, and my life is worthless.

As I suffer silently in my loneliness, the only thing that seems real each and every day is the pain and this lonely feeling.

 

[S like suicide]

I am in a bad space mentally,my mind is tricking me again and in a pretty bad way...ocd and obsessive thoughts are taking over me and i feel i am going crazy...i burst into tears screaming inside me why? ??Why me? why this torture that as no end for me? Why?
I had to sing a nursery song to calm myself down and now i feel completely drained...:(
What i did to desearve all this?

 

[love_peep]

To be honest I feel fear of my approaching attempt ctb.

 

[Zegers]

they love some stupid fictive idealization of me

what do you mean, you look like a princess of a fairytale or something like? i mean why they "idealize"

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Today I forgot an important task at work and I made the same mistakes at least 100 times.

I forget everything at work. Now I freeze and don't know what to do.
It's a lunch break but I don't know whether I need lunch or not.
Now I don't feel anxious - I feel just numb. God is merciful - he no longer makes me terrified, even though I'm a lost cause, damaged goods and just plain useless.

Thanks so much for creating this thread. I can try to stay sane thanks to this safe place.

Now I have two options: keep freezing, or CTB.

 

[thrashisland]

what do you mean, you look like a princess of a fairytale or something like? i mean why they "idealize"

I've been told pretty often that im pretty and since i have a lot of niche interests & have bpd people tend to do the whole manic pixie dream girl thing on me

 

[KAZ-2Y5]

I feel like my life is empty and meaningless and everyone I know hates me and wants to abuse me because they're angry with me for things they've done. I want to kill myself. Cut me open and there's nothing but hollowness. It's black and it wreaks and it oozes out of me.

 

[sometimes.sometimes]

i am so stressed. my school fucked up my schedule so i have to go back tomorrow lost again. they arent answering my questions and picking up a fucking phone call. i am not going back there until they change my classes to ones that make sense and fix my schedule. i am fucking done with this shit and would rather die than stay here one more fucking minute. i just want a normal schedule where i am not stressed and i want a reason to keep going. i just want help. that is all i want but the more i believe i am going to get better and have hope it is going to hurt more because i actually thought things could change.

 

[CTB Dream]

This v awfl all day injury damage all day sffr no chnc no stop, awfl life all pain all sffr

 

[HerculePoirot]

To be honest I feel fear of my approaching attempt ctb.

Understandable. Perhaps start benzo now then ctb tomorrow or even the day after. Alcohol may help too. All the best.

 

[Seaghost]

Anywhere between let it go, be careful and could be sav....temporary. but it smells a lil bit like the bigh crash is coming...and I'm tired
Arrived in rehab. Had luck with my roommate.

 

[Zegers]

I am tired of this situation, i want the time to act.

 

[Rocinante]

I am the world's biggest failure

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Tired, Lost, Need to end this.

 

[Seaghost]

Slept 3h, feeling dead....at 7am the trainee comes in and asked how the night was. I explained it and he was smiling meanwhile he gave me the tip for a shower. Thought of killing him with my waterbottle...damn idiot.

 

[HAKMKS]

Benzo withdrawal is the shittiest thing ever and I don't know if I'm going to manage it

Yes, it is

 

[CTB Dream]

This if stay life lose all brain v scary

 

[CH349]

researching at the moment, tried bored sleepy depressed

 

[Seaghost]

**** Sleep
Boosting other problems.
Feeling helpless and thats emberrasing but I don't know how to change it.
Don't want to be here anymore. I want to be someone other, someone with no pain.
So tired, so exhausted and yet my heart's still pumping.
I don't understand my existence.

 

[HAKMKS]

Scared of losing everything because of new psychiatrist