Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I WANNA DIE SO BAD!

 

[leloyon]

I actually feel okay! My YouTube channel got suspended for nothing so I was absolutely terrible yesterday (I have no videos but many collections of videos that I have found over the years which I value very much) to the point of SH but I appealed and just realised they actually listened! I just said "wtf, i didnt do shit" and alas they realised I have done no wrong. Very stressful time but for once there actually WAS light at the end of the tunnel. A rare victory for me, if only these would happen more frequently rather than one win for every ten losses.

 

[VioletNight]

Not much honestly, feeling a bit disconnected from my body. Apathetic

 

[FieldsofLavender]

Jealous of my grandma's dog. She was put down today. She was the happiest little doggy, but had a seizure, and my grandmother told herself if the doggy had another seizure she would put it down. I hope she's just as happy in doggy heaven as she was whenever I was around her. At the same time... I wish I could get the same treatment... She was given a sedative, then given something to... Do the job, ehehe... If only I was that lucky... maybe I should just move to canada, ehehe...

 

[Hendo]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

Mad at myself for being lazy.

 

[Ringo]

Another night preparing to sleep and wish I never woke up or that all this was just a bad dream.

 

[http-410]

I feel misunderstood, frustrated, desperate, depressed and fucking suicidal.

 

[odradek]

I wish I wasn't like this. I really do...

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

Introspective. Sadness with the occasional flicker of will or hope or something like that. Very up and down recently.

Oh and weary. But I can't remember what not feeling weary feels like.

 

[Minegelina]

I am extremely bored at school because I have no friends because I isolated myself from everyoneee
And im uncomfortably stuffed after lunch, smh binge eater problems

 

[Zegers]

I no longer have any friends to talk to, only one friend that i barely hang out with, it's all pretty bleak.

 

[elelanda]

perpetual hunger and fatigue

 

[Georg]

lonely, like always

 

[Nervonia]

Calm, im in the bath about to go see this person im seeing and i just feel calm

 

[soonitwontbea]

Don't want to exist.Everything takes too much effort, both living and dying. Thinking this and knowing it is pain. Just want to be done.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Cold

 

[rest in peace]

i feel nothing, unless i think about him, then i feel pain in my heart

 

[Dead Ghost]

I have vertigo, I am sad and I am getting anxious because tomorrow I am scheduled for my disability review and although I applied for it myself 3 months ago, I thought I would be notified more days in advance, not today. And it's just that too many things have come together and I haven't left the house since December 10... it will be a day to remember.

I had intended to get them to lower my grade, but it coincided with a less than optimal state of health.

//

Tinc vertigens, estic trist i m'està agafant ansietat perquè demà estic citat per a la revisió de la meva discapacitat i tot i que ho vaig solicitar jo mateix fa 3 mesos, pensava que m'avisarien amb més dies d'antel·lació, no pas avuí mateix. I es que se m'han ajuntat masses coses i porto sense sortir de casa desde el 10 de desembre... serà un día per recordar.

Tenía intenció d'aconseguir que em rebaixessin el grau, però ha coincidit amb un estat de salut poc òptim.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Bored, dysphoric, sad, angry, defeated, hopeless, helpless, like I am missing out.

 

[DeathToSpiesSMERSH]

Like I'm bouncing between wanting to fucking die and wanting to live, walking to and from the edge, also incredibly angry.

 

[ShadowsFall]

Tired and annoyed. I just want to bang my fist on the wall, or walk upstairs to knock on the neighbors door and tell them to shut the fuck up and keep noise levels down. It's after 11pm where I'm at, and I need to get some sleep before leaving for work at 4am tomorrow morning.

 

[soonitwontbea]

I love when people look right at me and see me suffering and don't say a wrd

 

[Dead Ghost]

Sad, it seems that they are going to raise my degree of disability again, but this time above 75% (this means that the law requires them to come to my house to finish the assessment and see what my day to day life is like to better define the degree and to know if I need help from third parties or not). This will only make it more difficult for me to access the labor market... I have also been told that I did not let them know that I had scoliosis (because I did not know!).
I'm tired, let's see what grade they give me in the end... I'm sunk.....

//

Trist, sembla que em pujaran altre vegada el grau de discapacitat, pero aquesta vegada per sobre del 75% (això vol dir que la llei els obliga a venir a casa meva per acabar la valoració i veure com és el meu día a día per definir millor el grau i saber si necessito ajuda de terceres persones o no). Això no farà més que dificultar-me l'accés al mercat laboral.. també m'han dit que com era que no els hi havía fet saber que tenía escoliosi (doncs perquè no ho sabía!).
Estic cansat, a veure quin grau em posen al final... estic enfonsat...

 

[Unsure and Useless]

I feel like an outsider in my own life. I don't know why, but it feels like, if I just disappeared right now, nothing will change. Nobody will be sad that I'm gone, and nothing will be negatively impacted by my absence.

I'm afraid that it'll be this way until the day I die. Every time I open up about this, people simply tell me that everything will get better, but when is that? How long do I have to feel alone until things change? It's been years, and I still feel as excluded from society as I was when I first did.

I also feel envious that everyone else around me don't feel this way, as terrible as that sounds. They have the gall to act like I'm inconveniencing them for having these thoughts and emotions, yet they claim to be all for "mental health". Honestly, they just want to deal with the "aesthetic" mental illnesses.

I just want to have a comfortable and content life where I'm genuinely loved. Is that so hard for the universe to grant?

 

[littlelungs]

I'm living proof that you can test out with a high IQ but still somehow be dumb as all fuck. Seriously. I'm so fucking stupid. There is not one single thing in life that I can't do without screwing it up, no matter how hard I try. I honestly don't even know why I bother. I'm too stupid to do even the most basic things properly.

I hurt myself today. My arm looks like it was attacked by a rose bush and then I punched both of my arms. I feel like I deserve to be punished for being so painfully incompetent, inadequate and just flat-out fucking stupid, and it's all my fault. I hate myself more than I can even fathom.

I'm hurting so much, on the inside and out, in every way imaginable, and the strain of the emotional and psychological pain exacerbates the physical pain. I'm already hurting so much and then I hurt myself even more because I'm hurting so badly. I mean, fuck, make that make sense. I even feel guilty for writing about how I feel on here because I feel like I'm just taking up space, but I just need to get it out somewhere. I don't understand myself at all.

 

[Next-to-Nil]

I'm thinking that I want to "not think, just type" but that if I do that I'm definitely going to break some kind of content rule or I don't know. The carpet is burning around me.

 

[soonitwontbea]

I thought I changed my mind on the plan I'd been making the other day because a few of my favorite supervisors at work made me feel supported and cared about, but sometimes it seems like they are some of the few people who do care. A lot of times my coworkers won't even sit near me, like even on the same side of the room or something, or they'll all just be chatting and barely acknowledging my existence. Sometimes when I try to talk too they just look at me funny. As much as I try to focus on future plans and things I'm looking forward too, it's nearly impossible to see the point of carrying on when life has basically always been this.

I wanna blow my fucking head off with a shotgun. Don't have one yet but I was looking into what kind I would need. Trying to find a day that I could go to the one gun store and at least browse, but I'm worried that I'd look suspicious due to not knowing much about guns.

 

[stoopid]

Urge to cry, slice up my arms but could vomit just because of the thought because I can't see myself doing that lol

 

[Salvation_]

Honestly, I'm tired of being pulled back and forth in the game of feeling like I want to live and feeling like I want to die. I start to think that the game will only end when I finally kill myself. I really hate myself, and I've lost all hope that I'll ever love myself. Not once in my life have I ever been proud of myself. It's a mix of being in an awkward position at the moment and self-destructive tendencies that I don't feel like seeking therapy; what with the costs, the inconvenience, and general distrust in therapists.

I wish I could lie and say I know what I'm doing, but I don't. Between a state of feeling like I'm perpetually lost, and just ending it all, I'd rather just end it all. At least I'd have some form of closure, but only for myself. I guess that's the part I feel guilty about, since I know I'd be the only person in the world who'd have closure from my own suicide.

 

[Zegers]

Cold, headache, emptiness