Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Epsilon0]

I feel there's a huge, black, cold granit slab strapped on my back.

It's wearing me down, and all I want is to take it off.

Only I can't.

Because I am the granite.

 

[Jean Améry]

I feel there's a huge, black, cold granit slab strapped on my back.

It's wearing me down, and all I want is to take it off.

Only I can't.

Because I am the granite.

Deep. And heavy.

 

[Jean4]

I'm feeling so nervous and scared and hopeless about tomorrow. I'm afraid the two doctors I'm seeing can't help me, and it'll all be for nothing. I'm terrified my stomach is going to continue to be paralysed forever, and I can't live like this.

I wanted so badly to beat these suicidal urges, but all I can see is death staring me in the face. I can't live like this. I'm so sick, and my entire body is rebelling all at once.

I'm scared I won't even be able to finish cleaning my apartment like I wanted before pulling out my SN because of the pain. There's so much I wanted to do before it came to this.

I miss my cat so much. She's gone, but I still see her everywhere.

I really need my best friend right now, and he's 800 miles away. I wanted to see him one last time, but I don't think I'm strong enough to endure all this pain. I love him so fucking much. If I throw up one more time tonight, I'm afraid it might push me over the edge.

I need help.

We are all here for you. You know that. Worrying now will do no good (easier said I know.) Try to stay as calm as possible. :)

 

[Epsilon0]

Deep. And heavy.

The echo of your words hit the slab, and an atom of granite bounced off it, making it a whisper lighter.

Thank you.

 

[TAW122]

I am feeling rather unproductive and lazy at the moment, too tired ever since all the string of fuck ups in the last month and more. 2020 is going to hell in a handbasket for me for sure.

 

[Lego31088]

I feel sad, ashamed, lonely, tired and hopeless.
I get messages, sometimes from friends, sometimes from family, sometimes from strangers... but I just can't deal with that kind of communication nowadays. I'm too depressed to think properly, it's better to just avoid people.
I want to hurt myself, but I don't want to deal with the consequences. I don't know.

 

[LordHector]

I just know i should trust myself more, take decisions on me, myself, this does not mean i dont care about my parents, or my family. I just have a different way to make things work, and i know they will work out, but i keep trying to please my father even when i know its not the best decision, and this has severly cut my will to live, this current job, represents almost every bad thing about my profession, its painful to think i have to be back tomorrow, and then the next day, and then be back home, and have little to zero wish to do any of the things i love, and having so few time to actually enjoy life. Life runs away, it speeds as fuck, so better make it worth. It does not matter if your the so recognized famous dude, fuck that. What's important is achieving your ultimate goal and being happy while at it, i see it now, and it pisses me so fucking much losing my previous, not amazing, but very flexible and positive job. God fucking dammit. Just fucking shit, fuck me man, so fucking much.

 

[Polly]

Numb

 

[porfin1234]

Sad and afraid.

 

[truthseeker]

Terrified of what will be a horrible death from chronic illnesses and disease combined with feeling like a coward throughout my life.

 

[Thereisnothing]

Scared, frightened, dont know what to do with all my physical pain, barely move.........mental/emotional pain/grief is killing me............not sure which will take me first.

 

[Maravillosa]

A little distracted, a little bored, a bit jittery. Wanting to be amused. Longing for sweets.

 

[vesttigeel]

Like nothing is real. I find excuses almost every day to believe that I exist, but details that I remember so vividly seem to change and cause me to believe that I'm hopping dimensions... as unreal as that may sound. Either that or my memory is being altered. I find it extremely hard to get out of bed in the morning, I feel like sinking into my bedsheets and never coming back. I feel blank, empty, and I have small bursts of inspiration for a few hours and then I never revisit the project. Music keeps me alive. My chest feels tight, I have the constant urge to bleed and I'm faced with weekly sleep paralysis and nightmares, most of which I can't recall completely. I wake up sometimes from shortness of breath and near-suffocation, as if I just stopped breathing in my sleep. Or drowned. Right now, I really could dig some orange juice ngl

 

[mathieu]

Anxiety, restlessness and boredom.

 

[letmeseethedeath]

i just woke up from the first dream i ever had about suicide. i was killing myself. maybe that means i'm really close this time

 

[Dark4England]

Exhausted. Impatient for release.

 

[sadgirl2002]

Empty.

 

[xBrialesana]

So much pain its unbearable

 

[Thereisnothing]

Absolutely petrified and dont know what to do, confusion also tearing me apart as to how to get through the minutes, hours...............I dont wish to be here, everyone I loved and who loved me are in spirit and I am left behind

 

[departing]

sad

 

[Life sucks]

Annoyed

 

[Woodnote]

I feel more suicidal than I have ever felt in my life..

 

[Livingvsdying25]

I feel angry. I feel controlled. I feel fed up. I feel fucking suicidal and tired. I feel worried

 

[SnowWhite]

Nervous, supposed to be going to an old friend's party an hour away from me. I'd much rather stay in the house as I know nobody else there

 

[140 bpm]

Empty and exhausted

 

[g0921]

Shit and helpless...

 

[JustVisiting]

Alone

 

[Thereisnothing]

Scared, need to get out of bed and ready to go out to do something, yet every time make a start, I cant do it.............cold, sunny day out and should be making the effort.............so frightened to live anymore..............just want to peace but not going to just happen say under my duvet................wish could turn the clocks back, have nothing to live for...........just me against the world.................so sad..............hope it doesn't sound like I am feeling sorry for myself.

 

[Dizzy]

I've been broken into pieces, grinded into a fine powder, and I'm just wishing to be blown into a different existence.

I wish someone cared enough to hold me. I wish I had security in someone's grasps. I wish a person could fill the void. I'm afraid I'll never change. I'm afraid I'll get worse. I'm afraid of being afraid.

I'm suffering and struggling with agoraphobia, which in my case is about being afraid of having a panic attack. being afraid of being afraid. I tremble like a baby bird in the Drs office, if I can even get there... I can't get milk, eggs, cheese at the back of the store without "freezing" about 3/4s way there. I struggle sitting at stop lights and will often avoid main roads. at least I'm still driving, it's been worse before. it's just always just as hard to pull myself out of these agoraphobic episodes.

I'm sick of having episodes!
I'm sick of my story
I'm tired
I'm tired of trying so hard
I just want relief

 

[StillWaiting]

Tired