What are the problems in your life that has made you suicidal?

[Live_Life55]

ear problem where my ears are too sensitive (hyperacusis), an other ear problem (tinnitus) where i hear constant ringing.. and then the worst thing is a stroke i stupidly caused my self to have in 2020 that caused permanent severe brain damage and what makes things worse is that a few days ago i was planning on CTB but then it was terrifying when it came time to actually do it and so now i realized i'm too scared to even CTB and just have to continue living in my life for how ever long i guess.....

my belief: after death we return to spirit world (i don't like calling it afterlife because our native form is in that spirit world; being incarnated as human isn't our real/native form).. we do a life review to iterate through our lives one last time to extract any more lessons from it that we can (and also we get to see it from a wider perspective where we can do things like feel how we made other people feel with our actions), but it is NOT judgemental at all.. the only judge is our selves.. and then we decide if we want to reincarnate again (not always immediately) or stay in the astral realms of spirit world.. the choice is up to us..

How did you cause yourself to have a stroke?

 

[fluorescentpearl]

The long "understandable" reason?

Being abused ever since I was a kid, by a man that the government chooses to protect, who's now abusing my half siblings the same way, which left me with permanent mental trauma and unresolved issues
Medical issues, like a wonky knee that doesn't let me workout, and several teeth issues that would put me in 25k Euro debt, constant tooth infections and issues with eating / chewing
Economical and future issues, since I have no education and no job and my family is poor I am only bringing them ruin by existing.. When we die there's an afterlife, hooray

The real answer? (Everything above IS real but I'd be willing to live with it if he didn't leave me)

The love of my life broke up with me for a spiritual issue that he's remembered which I cannot recall, even after finding proof I havendone't anything I know he wouldn't return, and honestly it doesn't matter that he doesn't, once I die I'll just have to wait for him
When we die there's an other world, a better one, at least for some people, a place their spirit belonged to, until we die we are stuck here, but I'll return there once Im gone, hopefully
And once I'm gone all that's left is waiting for my beloved to die, and once he's gone here, tell him "I told you so" and keep being together forever

 

[Lamentice]

Severe abuse, being kicked out as a minor resulting in compounding trauma thereafter from desperate, panicked circumstances, disowned and estranged, failed by government systems, failed by the MH industry, dehumanized and rejected by my own "community", and now of course I am an unrelatable weirdo who can't connect with people because it all fundamentally rewired my brain.

I'm talking about abuse where I was made to eat my own vomit, I....

Nobody knows really, and nobody wants to, I've carried it all independently cause--of course--the damage & the aftermath is all my sole responsibility. The most anyone can ever say is "Get therapy," (don't burden me with your shit). I'm grateful to myself, I am the first and last person to extend and show myself real, pure, gentle, unconditional love and affection and care. My last expression of that will be to put myself to rest.

and what do you believe happens after death?

I kind of believe in reincarnation, but not all the way.

 

[tiramisu]

i hate being mentally and physically ill.

 

[TheEndof]

My biggest problem that probably has caused directly or indirectly most of my issues is my upbringing and childhood trauma. Beyond that, just living my entire life feeling like I'm not good enough. Not good enough for friends, close relationships, the people I love, my own parents. I don't have any talents, I'm not particularly funny or clever. I'm not very beautiful or articulate. On top of that, I make really awful decisions that just make all of these problems so much worse.

 

[ilovecats1]

the uncertainty of the country where i was born in regards of everything. i could be made illegal overnight, i could lose access to my hormones or surgeries that actually make me think i can give life a chance. and these arent some far away possiblities they are currently being talked about.

my ability to get that surgery also depends on one exam in my life that is in a few months that only happens every two years which means failing it would mean i have to live five more years with no possiblity of getting it and in the meantime it will probably get illegal.

i am lazy and do nothing. i am a parasite to my sisters. i am a bad friend that forgets to even talk to some of her friends. i have no qualifications i dont have a single thing im good at (this isnt that major of a problem but i still think about it at my lowest).

and again i hate both my body and mind and i dont even think im a full person. ive always hated what i was most of my life i think.

 

[FF777]

How did you cause yourself to have a stroke?

i got depressed from my crappy life and snapped and started beating the heck out of my heart like 20-30 times and it caused it to beat irregularly for a while and couldn't get enough bloodflow (and thus oxygen) to my brain.. it is the worst mistake of my life and i have to live with all these problems it caused for the rest of my life.. i can't read fast any more, i make typoes all the time (i correct them usually before i send things out), i can't concentrate very well, and it is hard to do coding/programming now, and lot of other things it caused like dyslexia etc..

 

[1000memoryleaks]

i've had to endure living with some of the worst family members my entire life long. especially the past few years i was physically unable to sleep without playing some sort of white noise at max volume through my earbuds and covering the glass in my room with ducttape to prevent light from seeping through past midnight (sometimes until 7am). i don't want to go into too much detail, but after all the hardships and whatnot, i managed to better my situation and live normally now. however part of me feels like the damage has been done already. those memories will never go away and they've taken a toll on my body and mental state. i really feel like in a normal life i would've been able to live greatly and achieve my goals. i'd love to hear what other people might think of my take on this

i got depressed from my crappy life and snapped and started beating the heck out of my heart like 20-30 times and it caused it to beat irregularly for a while and couldn't get enough bloodflow (and thus oxygen) to my brain.. it is the worst mistake of my life and i have to live with all these problems it caused for the rest of my life.. i can't read fast any more, i make typoes all the time (i correct them usually before i send things out), i can't concentrate very well, and it is hard to do coding/programming now, and lot of other things it caused like dyslexia etc..

is there really no way at all to heal this? i assume you have looked into it, but i just can't imagine there being no solution :(

My biggest problem that probably has caused directly or indirectly most of my issues is my upbringing and childhood trauma. Beyond that, just living my entire life feeling like I'm not good enough. Not good enough for friends, close relationships, the people I love, my own parents. I don't have any talents, I'm not particularly funny or clever. I'm not very beautiful or articulate. On top of that, I make really awful decisions that just make all of these problems so much worse.

i'm really sorry to hear that. have you at least managed to find something you enjoyed doing? anything at all? you don't have to be great or special in any way with how modern life has become tbh, i wish you can at least enjoy doing something for the remainder of your life

and what do you believe happens after death?

i used to think that nothing much would happen; you'd essentially be asleep forever after without any dreams. but after i've had so many of my best friends die over the years i started to believe more in heaven and hell because part of me refused to believe that my friends would go out without any sort of compensation for what they've been through. i started to wish for an afterlife sincerely just for their sake. and everyday that passes i want to see them again, even if it costs my life

 

[limenlux]

I arrived at this point after becoming physically disabled due to a neurological issue while lacking the necessary support structure to survive.

I expect absolutely nothing to occur upon death, but if there's an afterlife I hope it matches my melancholy, so to speak.

 

[Pluto]

 

[annointed_towers]

disability and extreme pain, grief

 

[wakeawake]

As far as reasons, Mostly physical stuff - some major problems with my spine and overall chronic pain that limits my mobility alot, including from making my art much now, which is also my livelihood.

As far as death - my stance is I think fairly rational and simple.

It sounds like a lot of core religious things but really I'm not claiming anything 'spiritual' at all really.

Something I suppose very in line with 'the perennial wisdom'

I feel positive that everything about 'me' that makes me how I am different from others, that dies.
In no way do I believe in personal continuity of any sort.

However when you realize that the same basic sense of 'consciousness' that sense of 'I AM' is identical for everyone, you also realize that in a certain sense - anyone is basically anyone else, underneath the differences.

So while yes those unique things DO cease experientially on death, to think of 'dead' as a 'state' of some everlasting 'nothing' makes no sense to me.

I mean that only BEING is, NON-BEING is not.

It doesn't mean 'you' become some 'next life' you.
There are infinite incarnations, and NO re-incarnations.
But 'Consciousness' already always is everyone.

The ocean and the wave analogy is a pretty good one I think.
There will always be infinite waves.
Coming 'in and out' of existence.

 

[Die.A.Ria]

My medical condition and it led to a kot of bullying for years by teachers , family ,students ,strangers etc and also my family are just toxic and i would have to cut them off which would be hard because i love my dad and sisters so much and i dont think i can deal with that