Venting - speaking my dream out loud

[darkenmydoorstep]

I think next year (can't go this year as would look too suspicious having had a holiday) I will go to Peru, get some pentobarbital and just give myself the ultimate option. I get massively inspired by the posts on here from people who have managed to get it.

Just to sit with it, knowing I could end it painlessly if I wanted, would feel like a 'do it or stfu' moment. I'd be able to to put the idea of death to rest one way or the other - either by ending it or knowing I had it in front of me but made a true active choice one way or the other. Making an active choice is everything isn't it? Instead of the passivity most of us exist in.

And if I booked it months in advance, I could give myself those months as a final shot to try and get my head together, see if there was any way possible of making life worth living again.

I'd be proper fucked off if I spent all that money on a flight and the suppliers had dried up though. Imagine how pissed you'd be!

Hmm……

 

[rozeske]

Having it on hand first i think would be better before giving yourself those final months. I would imagine the disappointment would be high otherwise :)

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Having it on hand first i think would be better before giving yourself those final months. I would imagine the disappointment would be high otherwise :)

But then I 'd have to smuggle it back in to the UK. May prove hard.

 

[rozeske]

But then I 'd have to smuggle it back in to the UK. May prove hard.

True but you also would need the assurance you will find it in that specific time?