Venting frustrated with the mental health system

[punyama]

i'm so tired of being tossed around from place to place like nobody knows what to do with me. I feel like there's no hope for me and i only get more and more discouraged and depressed every time i get back up and try. All trying to get help for my depression and anxiety has shown me is that there was never any hope or chance of me getting better and it's put me into the deepest depression of my life.

I'm tired of being asked over and over again what my reason for living is when i don't have one, being alive still isn't a choice for me but a lack of a choice, i'm still here because i haven't made a choice, because i can't make a choice about anything evidently.
People keep telling me that i have to want to get help for myself and do it for me, but i don't want to for me, i hate myself, why would i want to do it for me? So then what? It's like it's over before i even started.
those types of questions like "why are you still alive" make me want to answer like "alright do you want me to go kill myself right now"
i also can't even get therapy it seems like there's no avenue for me to get it more than once a month and that's just not going to help me. i can't afford it and there are no free options besides going to crisis centres.
i'm really tired of all of this.

going to the hospital settings is so depressing too. i signed up for a day program at the hospital but it was just horrific. depressing gray walls and floors and depressing people and they just throw you to the wolves there like there's nobody around and they don't tell you what the hell you're supposed to do. And staff treat me in such a condescending way like i'm a toddler, it feels like a human zoo.

I don't know what to do anymore or why i'm trying because it seems like there's no point and i'm just doomed to end up ctb.

 

[tree.sn]

Havent seen anyone for MH treatment but for medical healthcare I have. At first I actually had hope in medical healthcare but after you start seeing doctors you realize they're dumber than chatgpt and they're only useful for surgeries and prescribing meds.

 

[Set Real Goul]

In my country, psychology is a field that almost anyone can get into. Because of that, I don't really trust psychologists. It's also difficult to "get treatment" when you know psychological techniques better than your own therapist. I completely understand why people become disappointed in them. On top of that, the prices for therapy sessions are often absurdly high.

 

[MessyNonsense]

Havent seen anyone for MH treatment but for medical healthcare I have. At first I actually had hope in medical healthcare but after you start seeing doctors you realize they're dumber than chatgpt and they're only useful for surgeries and prescribing meds.

Fucking real

i'm so tired of being tossed around from place to place like nobody knows what to do with me. I feel like there's no hope for me and i only get more and more discouraged and depressed every time i get back up and try. All trying to get help for my depression and anxiety has shown me is that there was never any hope or chance of me getting better and it's put me into the deepest depression of my life.

I'm tired of being asked over and over again what my reason for living is when i don't have one, being alive still isn't a choice for me but a lack of a choice, i'm still here because i haven't made a choice, because i can't make a choice about anything evidently.
People keep telling me that i have to want to get help for myself and do it for me, but i don't want to for me, i hate myself, why would i want to do it for me? So then what? It's like it's over before i even started.
those types of questions like "why are you still alive" make me want to answer like "alright do you want me to go kill myself right now"
i also can't even get therapy it seems like there's no avenue for me to get it more than once a month and that's just not going to help me. i can't afford it and there are no free options besides going to crisis centres.
i'm really tired of all of this.

going to the hospital settings is so depressing too. i signed up for a day program at the hospital but it was just horrific. depressing gray walls and floors and depressing people and they just throw you to the wolves there like there's nobody around and they don't tell you what the hell you're supposed to do. And staff treat me in such a condescending way like i'm a toddler, it feels like a human zoo.

I don't know what to do anymore or why i'm trying because it seems like there's no point and i'm just doomed to end up ctb.

The whole mental health system should be burned to the ground and everyone involved in it rounded up and publicly executed. There are a tiny amount of genuinely good people in it but they can't do shit because they're locked in a system that is basically designed to NOT help people. And the other 99% i consider to be one of the few examples of genuine evil that exists on this earth. Evil doesn't have to be a dictator massacring people. Evil can be the ghetto-ass fat loud-mouthed bitch of a psych ward nurse who cares more about eating chips and gossiping with the other staff while you're having the worst day of your life and crying begging for someone to help you and she just gives you an annoyed look like you're causing her an inconvenience by asking her to do her job.

THESE PEOPLE DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT US.

The mental healthcare system literally attracts a certain type of person to the job, and that type of person is someone who wants power over helpless people. The tiny amount of people who enter the job with good intentions eventually get so desensitized by how shitty the job is that they end up as lifeless robot zombies who only carry out their training with no humanity or ability to discern what's actually helpful in that particular moment. I understand that the job is hard and it breaks people down psychologically, but if then sorry you don't get to be in a position of power over vulnerable people.