Tomorrow Is Today
don’t get any big ideas
- May 16, 2026
- 84
I've always been a dreamer, and by some miracle of luck, for my first 21 years of life I had not experienced (or given attention to) the clash between my romanticised ideas and the harsh reality of the world. After a particularly bad breakup, I was put in a situation where I had to reassess how I saw life.
I notice that I tend to be very black-and-white, all-or-nothing in the way I perceive things. Although I acknowledge it is conventionally seen as an unhealthy way of operating, I can't deny that part of myself that I see as the most true, pure or uncorrupted. That idealist in me refuses to adhere to the realities of life.
Because of my refusal to abandon romanticised dreamscapes for a functional and liveable yet imperfect existence, it has backfired spectacularly and I've become a depressed wreck that thinks nothing has any real meaning.
And yet, I'm a hypocrite, because I've let many dreams pass as well, because of societal pressure, common thinking or simply due to sloth. I won some junior game-making competitions at the national level before, but I never really developed it further because I saw that path as impractical. For the same reasons I never took my artistic talents further, despite starting many hobbies like shoe painting and photography.
I think crossed the point of no return, at least from the perspective of a competitive country such as mine. I've skipped a full academic year due to depression and I've already applied to take another year off. I think about dreams that I left on the shelf but I don't have the energy to pursue something that more likely than not amount to nothing of note anyways. I am a prideful, conceited individual and I don't want to auto-pilot through things to just be mediocre.
Perhaps this is why the lure of a nihilistic outlook has been so tempting. If nothing matters, then all the potential I squandered, all the relationships I destroyed, and all the pain from not fulfilling my dreams won't matter as well. They will all disappear in the blink of an eye when my life ends.
I notice that I tend to be very black-and-white, all-or-nothing in the way I perceive things. Although I acknowledge it is conventionally seen as an unhealthy way of operating, I can't deny that part of myself that I see as the most true, pure or uncorrupted. That idealist in me refuses to adhere to the realities of life.
Because of my refusal to abandon romanticised dreamscapes for a functional and liveable yet imperfect existence, it has backfired spectacularly and I've become a depressed wreck that thinks nothing has any real meaning.
And yet, I'm a hypocrite, because I've let many dreams pass as well, because of societal pressure, common thinking or simply due to sloth. I won some junior game-making competitions at the national level before, but I never really developed it further because I saw that path as impractical. For the same reasons I never took my artistic talents further, despite starting many hobbies like shoe painting and photography.
I think crossed the point of no return, at least from the perspective of a competitive country such as mine. I've skipped a full academic year due to depression and I've already applied to take another year off. I think about dreams that I left on the shelf but I don't have the energy to pursue something that more likely than not amount to nothing of note anyways. I am a prideful, conceited individual and I don't want to auto-pilot through things to just be mediocre.
Perhaps this is why the lure of a nihilistic outlook has been so tempting. If nothing matters, then all the potential I squandered, all the relationships I destroyed, and all the pain from not fulfilling my dreams won't matter as well. They will all disappear in the blink of an eye when my life ends.
