NSFW [TW: SA] I sexually assalted a 7y old when i was 13 and now my mom knows about it

[Kta1994]

Im now 29, always felt guilty for it and asked for forgiviness to God, now his mom told my mom what happened. I showed him my penis and showed him gay porn and his mother said that he had to went therapy for it, and blamed my mom for letting this happened and now she is sad and probably horrified by me.
He probbaly hates me and with a good reason. A year before a similar thing happened to me when a older guy (17y) that worked in my house had sex to me, i ended up liking it after a few times. I feel like this is thr nail on the coffin for me that i need to leavr this place asap, i dont deserve to be here, i shouldve known better.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

recognition is the first step towards change and/or forgiveness. there is nothing you can do about it but learn from your mistakes.

 

[theboy]

It was a mistake but you have to accept it and repair the pain it left you in order to move forward.

 

[The Schizoid]

l personally see no benefit in your telling everyone here. I'd keep it to yourself and just avoid children.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

l personally see no benefit in your telling everyone here. I'd keep it to yourself and just avoid children.

i think this site is open to anyone who wants to vent or talk with an open mind. sometimes its better to get things off of our chests.

 

[Kta1994]

l personally see no benefit in your telling everyone here. I'd keep it to yourself and just avoid children.

I was 13, i no longer have this problem.

recognition is the first step towards change and/or forgiveness. there is nothing you can do about it but learn from your mistakes.

Thank you

 

[Linda]

These things happen. Stop beating yourself up over it, and move on.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

the way the users on here get themselves into a tizzy over FuneralCry's posts & when some1 posted a thread referring to homicidal users, but are silent + supportive every time some1 gets on here & openly admits to pedophilia, is insane

 

[EvisceratedJester]

the way the users on here get themselves into a tizzy over FuneralCry's posts & when some1 posted a thread referring to homicidal users, but are silent + supportive every time some1 gets on here & openly admits to pedophilia, is insane

I think it's because FC posts so much that it can kind of be annoying at times and her threads do unintentionally further the view that outsiders have of this site being a death cult. By comparison, this is just one post made by a person who did something that, while unforgivable, was clearly in some way influenced by their own prior trauma. Along with that, the OP was pretty young at the time, which is important to acknowledge. I doubt that your average 13-year-old is going to have the self-awareness needed to reflect on and undersrand the trauma they went through and how to properly deal with it. As a result, it's hard to hold them to the same standards that we'd typically hold an adult who has done something like this. To add on to this, it's clear that they feel incredibly guilty for what they had done, now that they are old enough to understand the full ramifications of their past actions.

This isn't me trying to excuse their actions, btw. What they did was horrible and I feel incredibly sorry for that child they traumatized, however, they aren't a pedophile. They were a traumatized child acting out what happened to them on to someone else. The situation they described is one that is complex and should be reduced down to them just being a creep. Hence why people are not responding super angrily towards them, unlike with that other case from a few months back, where someone admitted to sexting a 16-year-old despite being around 25-years-old.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

I think it's because FC posts so much that it can kind of be annoying at times and her threads do unintentionally further the view that outsiders have of this site being a death cult. By comparison, this is just one post made by a person who did something that, while unforgivable, was clearly in some way influenced by their own prior trauma. Along with that, the OP was pretty young at the time, which is important to acknowledge. I doubt that your average 13-year-old is going to have the self-awareness needed to reflect on and undersrand the trauma they went through and how to properly deal with it. As a result, it's hard to hold them to the same standards that we'd typically hold an adult who has done something like this. To add on to this, it's clear that they feel incredibly guilty for what they had done, now that they are old enough to understand the full ramifications of their past actions.

This isn't me trying to excuse their actions, btw. What they did was horrible and I feel incredibly sorry for that child they traumatized, however, they aren't a pedophile. They were a traumatized child acting out what happened to them on to someone else. The situation they described is one that is complex and should be reduced down to them just being a creep. Hence why people are not responding super angrily towards them, unlike with that other case from a few months back, where someone admitted to sexting a 16-year-old despite being around 25-years-old.

u say you're not making excuses, yet that's exactly what this wall of text isparagraphs excusing any accountability. how does this show that 'they're incredibly guilty'? it shows they're mortified they were caught. they're 29 now & were silent abt it for 16 years, the entirety of that victims childhood. 'they aren't a pedophile', the DSM-5 requires u have to be @ least 5 yrs older than ur victim to be considered pedophilic, he was 13 & the child was 7, that qualifies. i was also a victim of child SA, & didn't abuse any1 else as a result of it, so that's another pathetic excuse. it's not a complex situation actually. they were sexually abused & chose to sexually abuse some1 else. it's v straightforward. i'm sure OP's honored u came to his defense though. too bad there's no1 to defend his 7 yr old victim. except me i guess.

i can imagine the way you'd excuse my abuser for their pedophilic actions. 'he was under the influence so he wasn't fully aware of & in control of his actions, which is important to acknowledge', 'he's pretty old, he already gets easily confused & that was worsened by the alc'. the replies to this child abuser's post are honestly nauseating.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

u say you're not making excuses, yet that's exactly what this wall of text reads likehow does this show that 'they're incredibly guilty'? it shows they're mortified they were caught. they're 29 now & were silent abt it for 16 years, basically the entirety of that victims life. 'they aren't a pedophile', the DSM-5 requires u have to be @ least 5 yrs older than ur victim to be considered pedophilic, he was 13 & the child was 7, that qualifies. i was also a victim of child SA, & didn't abuse any1 else as a result of it, so that's another pathetic excuse. it's not a complex situation actually. they were abused & abused some1 else. it's v straightforward. i'm sure OP's honored u came to his defense though. too bad there's no1 to defend his 7 yr old victim. except me i guess.

there is no black or white in this situation. it is not "straightforward". OP was sexually assaulted when they were 12, and went onto do that to another child a year later. however, there could be many things left out in this 'simple' situation. they were clearly not mentally well, and they were a traumatized child who did not have the mental capacity to know what was wrong or right at the time. they absolutely should've taken responsibility, to which they were forced to do since their mother found out.

there's been studies showing that there are connections between being assaulted and becoming an assaulter. specifically more-so in males (which OP is.) https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11731348/ <- here is one of those studies. it's not an excuse, it's a proven statistic.

it's an overall shitty situation, but it should not be labelled one way or another. it's complex and should be thought and talked about with nuance. i find it distasteful that you would compare your own experience to another person who you know very little about. i could say that same example for multiple things, and it would prove nothing. for example, i could say "i was assaulted, but i didn't commit suicide." it proves nothing and is a bad argument to make in general.

if you were actually reading the DSM-5, you would have also read that you must be 16+ to be labelled a pedophile. It's interesting that you left that information out of your comment.

edit: i did not read the last bit. i suggest not taking it as personally guessing what someone would say about your own trauma.

 

[winamp]

+ supportive every time some1 gets on here & openly admits to pedophilia, is insane

in the past, as in the last year, there have been a few instances of sex offenders minimizing their actions on this site along with people making vents being weird towards minors

and they were quickly rejected by other users instead of users supporting their actions or minimizing their actions and disregarding the years of trauma the victim of such actions and abuse will live with

if someone is being supportive or advocating for the abuse of minors I encourage anyone to report or ignore said user(s)

I am unsure if these users in the past who I am referring to are on this site anymore

but now I am curious as to how moderators here would react to such reports and threads due to freedom of speech although social media platforms do not have to comply to that / are not bound to the first amendment

although in the past I have observed these things going under the radar when I first joined which was disturbing and upsetting

 

[hikikomorizombie]

and they were quickly rejected by other users instead of users supporting their actions or minimizing their actions and disregarding the years of trauma the victim of such actions and abuse will live with

if someone is being supportive or advocating for the abuse of minors I encourage anyone to report or ignore said user(s)

although in the past I have observed these things going under the radar when I first joined which was disturbing and upsetting

not supportive as in encouraging abuse...supportive like the replies in this thread, saying him sexually abusing a 7 yr old is a mistake he needs to stop beating himself up over & move on from. it's actually sickening. when i 1st joined, i reported a pedo's vent post, & a mod notified me that it wasn't against the rules bc the OP suffered too from his OCD & pedophilic urges.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

u say you're not making excuses, yet that's exactly what this wall of text reads likehow does this show that they're incredibly guilty? they're 29 now & were silent abt it for years, basically the entirety of that victims life. 'they aren't a pedophile', the DSM-5 requires u have to be @ least 5 yrs older than ur victim to be considered pedophilic, he was 13 & the child was 7, that qualifies. i was also a victim of child SA, & didn't abuse any1 else as a result of it, so that's another pathetic excuse. it's not a complex situation actually. they were abused & abused some1 else. it's v straightforward. i'm sure OP's honored u came to his defense though. too bad there's no1 to defend his 7 yr old victim. except me i guess.

There's a difference between excuses and an explanation. I'm explaining why people aren't acting incredibly mad and hostile towards the OP. You can acknowledge the fact that someone did something bad while also acknowleding the complexities of the situation. Also, I'm pretty sure them talking about feeling guilty for it is kind of a sign that they might be feel guilty for it. This isn't some thread they created to excuse their actions or ask how they can get out of trouble for it, it's them admitting to what they did and talking about their concerns over how they're may have impacted someone. You can acknowledge the fact that what they did was horrible while also acknowledging the fact that it was likely done as a result to similar things happening to them prior, along with the fact that they were also a child when they did this.

This type of black and white thinking when it comes to abuse and crimes worsens these issues. It keeps people from having proper disscussions on why people end up doing these things and what can be done in order to prevent anyone from getting to the point of engaging in these harmful behaviours. When looking at cases like these, it is important to keep these key pieces of information in mind.

The OP isn't some evil pedophile. I doubt they'd even meet DSM-5 criteria for it. There are specific age requirements in regards to onset of symptoms, along with them having to display signs of intense recurring sexual arousal towards preubesent children over a 6 month period. They also have to be at least 16-years-old to be diagnosed with that disorder. You aren't a psychologist, I'm not a psychologist, and neither of us know enough about the OP to say anything in regards to them.

Also, just because you didn't abuse anyone as a result of your own trauma doesn't mean anything. We aren't talking about you. Children who were sexually abused growing up are at an increased risk of committing crimes, including sex crimes. Just becasue your trauma didn't result in you engaging in certain abhorrent actions doesn't mean that's the case for everyone. It's still important to take note of OP's age and their own SA when discussing their actions. You can acknowledge someone having done something horrific in the past while still taking into consideration certain important key details before responding to them.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

There's a difference between excuses and an explanation. I'm explaining why people aren't acting incredibly mad and hostile towards the OP. You can acknowledge the fact that someone did something bad while also acknowleding the complexities of the situation. Also, I'm pretty sure them talking about feeling guilty for it is kind of a sign that they might be feel guilty for it. This isn't some thread they created to excuse their actions or ask how they can get out of trouble for it, it's them admitting to what they did and talking about their concerns over how they're may have impacted someone. You can acknowledge the fact that what they did was horrible while also acknowledging the fact that it was likely done as a result to similar things happening to them prior, along with the fact that they were also a child when they did this.

This type of black and white thinking when it comes to abuse and crimes worsens these issues. It keeps people from having proper disscussions on why people end up doing these things and what can be done in order to prevent anyone from getting to the point of engaging in these harmful behaviours. When looking at cases like these, it is important to keep these key pieces of information in mind.

The OP isn't some evil pedophile. I doubt they'd even meet DSM-5 criteria for it. There are specific age requirements in regards to onset of symptoms, along with them having to display signs of intense recurring sexual arousal towards preubesent children over a 6 month period. They also have to be at least 16-years-old to be diagnosed with that disorder. You aren't a psychologist, I'm not a psychologist, and neither of us know enough about the OP to say anything in regards to them.

Also, just because you didn't abuse anyone as a result of your own trauma doesn't mean anything. We aren't talking about you. Children who were sexually abused growing up are at an increased risk of committing crimes, including sex crimes. Just becasue your trauma didn't result in you engaging in certain abhorrent actions doesn't mean that's the case for everyone. It's still important to take note of OP's age and their own SA when discussing their actions. You can acknowledge someone having done something horrific in the past while still taking into consideration certain important key details before responding to them.

no, you're also excusing him of accountability. the replies to this post & u, are all absolving OP of accountability. it's maddening. this is why some ppl scoff at the mentally ill, bc a huge portion use it as a scapegoat for their behavior. 'i'm a douchebag bc i have unhealed trauma from being bullied as a kid', 'i hit my gf bc i saw my dad hit my mom.' okay?? u still made the choice to be an asshole/abuser.

OP didn't receive any punishment, & their victim isn't going to get any justice. on top of that, u & every1 else are telling him it's okay bc x, y, & z. believe it or not, sexually abusing a child isn't something ppl should be able to just file under as a 'mistake' to move on from. & yes, we aren't talking abt me, im glad u can stay on topic. can u also connect the dots to how i used that to demonstrate how that was a pathetic thing for u to mention, as if it justified or excused it in any way?? most vics don't become abusers. & this post isn't some valiant thread of them owning up to their actions, again, it shows they're guilty they were caught.

 

[UKscotty]

All I will say is I hope you make it to the other side and your SI doesn't kick in for you.

Good luck.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

no, you're also excusing him of accountability. the replies to this post & u, are all absolving OP of accountability. it's maddening. this is why some ppl scoff at the mentally ill, bc a huge majority use it as a scapegoat for disgusting behavior. OP didn't receive any punishment, & their victim isn't going to get any justice. on top of that, u & every1 else are telling him it's okay bc x, y, & z. believe it or not, sexually abusing a child isn't something ppl should just file under as a 'mistake' to move on from. & yes, we aren't talking abt me, im glad u can stay on topic. can u also connect the dots to how i used that to demonstrate how that was a pathetic thing for u to mention, as if it justified or excused it in any way?? most vics don't become abusers. & this post isn't some valiant thread of them owning up to their actions, again, it shows they're guilty they were caught.

At this point, it feels like you are just projecting your feelings on to the situation. No one is excusing them, however not much can be done at this point. Also, nobody is going to hold them to the same standard that an adult would be held to in this situation, due to them also having been a child at time who was likely acting out as a result of their own SA a year prior. None of us like what the OP did. None of us think what they've done can ever be excused. However, we also cannot respond to what they've done without taking into consideration how old they were when it happened, why it likely happened, their feelings on what they've done today, and the fact that they'll probably never be able to face any actual punishment for what they've done. Responding by getting mad at them and calling them a pedophile isn't going to do much in this particular situation.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

At this point, it feels like you are just projecting your feelings on to the situation. No one is excusing them, however not much can be done at this point. Also, nobody is going to hold them to the same standard that an adult would be held to in this situation, due to them also having been a child at time who was likely acting out as a result of their own SA a year prior. None of us like what the OP did. None of us think what they've done can ever be excused. However, we also cannot respond to what they've done without taking into consideration how old they were when it happened, why it likely happened, their feelings on what they've done today, and the fact that they'll probably never be able to face any actual punishment for what they've done. Responding by getting mad at them and calling them a pedophile isn't going to do much in this particular situation.

....are u serious???no1's excusing them? 'It was a mistake but you have to accept it and repair the pain it left you in order to move forward.' 'These things happen. Stop beating yourself up over it, and move on.' ur paragraphs excusing him bc of his age or his own abuse or him not being self aware enough or being guilty. like.....are u serious?? u, along w these ppl, are watering down the sexual abuse of a child to a mistake or a trauma response. as if it wasn't a conscious choice he made, & another conscious choice he made to be silent abt it for 16 yrs. again, he's guilty he was caught. but i mean, @ least u guys are standing 10 toes down on itproud child SA forgivers/defenders, if they check the right boxes.

 

[The Schizoid]

i think this site is open to anyone who wants to vent or talk with an open mind. sometimes its better to get things off of our chests.

Yes it is, just like it's open to me advising people that some things are better left unsaid. Him admitting that he's a child rapist does not benefit him. It's wreckless and puts him in danger. It also probably triggers victims of child abuse on here as well.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

Yes it is, just like it's open to me advising people that some things are better left unsaid. Him admitting that he's a child rapist does not benefit him. It's wreckless and puts him in danger. It also probably triggers victims of child abuse on here as well.

that's a fair point. i would imagine there's not many places that OP could properly find the courage to talk about this. as for the triggers, there were trigger warnings put into place for that exact reason. Plus, this is a site discussing suicide. i'd imagine people on here would expect dark and traumatizing subjects.

i agree with your point that this just puts him in danger, though.

 

[Morte]

At that age everyone did things they regret today, you were also a child after all. There's no point in torturing yourself over this.

 

[DreamEnd]

Yes it is, just like it's open to me advising people that some things are better left unsaid. Him admitting that he's a child rapist does not benefit him. It's wreckless and puts him in danger. It also probably triggers victims of child abuse on here as well.

Am I missing something? The guy supposedly exposed himself to a 7 year old as a 13 year old. How does that qualify as being a child rapist? Would it even qualify as a sexual assault? It's probably indecent exposure which is gross and disgusting but not in any way something that would qualify someone as a child rapist

 

[Imprisoned]

not supportive as in encouraging abuse...supportive like the replies in this thread, saying him sexually abusing a 7 yr old is a mistake he needs to stop beating himself up over & move on from. it's actually sickening. when i 1st joined, i reported a pedo's vent post, & a mod notified me that it wasn't against the rules bc the OP suffered too from his OCD & pedophilic urges.

What do you think OP should do/should be done to them? I'm just curious.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

What do you think OP should do/should be done to them? I'm just curious.

drawn & quartered would be nice. same for the ppl replying to him saying him sexually abusing a child is a mistake he should move on from, or 'every1 did things they regret @ that age'. like showing a 7 yr old his penis & porn is the same as stealing or smthg. bc they cannot be real ppl, & the fact that they are is dishearteningly infuriating. every day i think i can't be astounded by the stupidity of others any more, yet i always am.

 

[Imprisoned]

drawn & quartered would be nice. same for the ppl replying to him saying him sexually abusing a child is a mistake he should move on from, or 'every1 did things they regret @ that age'. like showing a 7 yr old his penis & porn is the same as vandalizing a bathroom or smthg. bc they cannot be real ppl, & the fact that they are is dishearteningly infuriating. every day i think i can't be astounded by the stupidity of others any more, yet i always am.

I see. Thank you for taking the time to reply to me.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

It's something of a gray area, but I think 13 is old enough to fully know right from wrong. I mean I remember being that age, and would be horrified if I'd done that to someone much younger than me.

On the other hand, to me it's a different ballgame, a 13 year old perpetrator versus an adult one. But it's clear OP should've faced some serious repercussions from this, even as a child. Plus you can never know someone's heart. It's possible he still has fucked up urges and won't cop to them, for example. Either way, I think this points to being deeply disturbed on a deeper level. OP needed help himself, but never got it. And spreading pain is sort of the circle of life in its own twisted way.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

drawn & quartered would be nice. same for the ppl replying to him saying him sexually abusing a child is a mistake he should move on from, or 'every1 did things they regret @ that age'. bc they cannot be real ppl, & the fact that they are is dishearteningly infuriating. every day i think i can't be astounded by the stupidity of others any more, yet i always am.

i'm sorry you can't seem to understand that this situation is complex. i'm not sorry for saying wishing a brutal death on anyone is immature as all hell, especially on a site about MENTAL ILLNESS. people are going to be fucked up. you seem to be taking this a lot more personally than you should, even comparing your own trauma to OPs.

Like said more eloquently above by EvisceratedJester, this type of black and white thinking is why people are scared of reaching out for help. your inability to hold a civil conversation about a topic such as this is only contributing to why these issues of mental health stigma are becoming worse in our time. people are getting more extremist, unable to see ways other than their own.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Am I missing something? The guy supposedly exposed himself to a 7 year old as a 13 year old. How does that qualify as being a child rapist? Would it even qualify as a sexual assault? It's probably indecent exposure which is gross and disgusting but not in any way something that would qualify someone as a child rapist

This is a good point to take, from what OP described he exposed himself and shared porn with the child. Horrible but isn't the same as raping the child.

OP, in my view you have two choices, you either let this consume you and you go with your plans to ctb, or you acknowledge that what happened is horrible and will have to learn to live with yourself. I imagine you could surrender yourself to the police, explain what you did when you were a minor and ask to receive appropriate punishment. That could bring justice to the child and some relief for yourself. You can also do other things besides going the law route, like financially compensate the child for what you've done, paying a sum every month during X amount of time.

I think there are ways where you can try and repent yourself while at the same time bringing justice to the child. I don't think it should be as simple as moving on because you now know the magnitude of what you did, and you suffered something similar, you should get appropriate punishment for your acts, taking into account your age at the time, and the child should receive justice.

 

[Againstthewind]

Locking this thread, as these type of conversations go nowhere, and all end in multiple arguments, with reports flying everywhere.

I appreciate your honesty @Kta1994 but your confession may not always be welcomed, due to the nature of it. It would be wise to talk to a professional about this.

Everybody else, walk away from this.