SN has literally fallen into my lap

[tgifryday]

I work night desk at an extended stay hotel. One of our longer term guests CTB probably a few days ago and we just found his body today bc his mom was calling asking if we had seen him. The last time he was seen on the cameras was 4/6 and there was a RANK ass smell in the hall around the night of 4/8 but nobody fucking believed me that it smelled like dead but whatever. -__-

Anyway. I noticed there was a package for him at the front desk. I just had a feeling something illicit was inside, so I opened it, tbh hoping I'd find some dark web fentanyl or some shit bc I'm just trying to party ok. Well my initial feeling was right, and it's a plastic-sealed package of SN.

Which is FUCKING WILD because where was this when I was looking for it 2 years ago?? Now that I'm in a really good spot mentally for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, it quite literally just shows up at my fucking doorstep. My hands were shaking when I realized what was in the padded envelope. I haven't thought about CTB for so long, I haven't even SH'd since I got off fentanyl. It's just weird. I sealed the envelope back up bc I don't want anyone knowing I committed a felony by opening his mail. But I'm also like... Maybe I should keep it... just in case? Save it for a rainy day?

 

[Wineeverynight]

Bloody hell, I dont mean to lol but you painted an image. I'd struggle not to keep it but definitely not worth losing your job over as that could knock you back mentally if you're doing well atm.

 

[tgifryday]

Bloody hell, I dont mean to lol but you painted an image. I'd struggle not to keep it but definitely not worth losing your job over as that could knock you back mentally if you're doing well atm.

Oh, I'm definitely not worried about losing my job. I'd stick a notepad in the envelope or something so it didn't look like anything went missing. I've already resealed and then reopened and then REresealed the envelope and it doesn't even look like it's been opened at all.

I mean... I might be doing the right thing by taking it? Bc they're probably going to give this package to his mom. She's going to open it and not know wtf it is. What if she leaves it somewhere and the dude's little brother finds it and eats it. Or the family dog. I might be saving lives by taking it home. It should go into the hands of someone who knows what it is, shouldn't it??



I toootally have not been thinking about this package all freaking night lol.

 

[INTJme]

Keep it... as long as you're sure nobody will look for it.

 

[Wineeverynight]

Oh, I'm definitely not worried about losing my job. I'd stick a notepad in the envelope or something so it didn't look like anything went missing. I've already resealed and then reopened and then REresealed the envelope and it doesn't even look like it's been opened at all.

I mean... I might be doing the right thing by taking it? Bc they're probably going to give this package to his mom. She's going to open it and not know wtf it is. What if she leaves it somewhere and the dude's little brother finds it and eats it. Or the family dog. I might be saving lives by taking it home. It should go into the hands of someone who knows what it is, shouldn't it??



I toootally have not been thinking about this package all freaking night lol.

You're talking to the wrong person then lol, because if I wouldnt lose my job I'd take it but I can be a little scavenger. The good citizen in me has to ask if you're bargaining with yourself by saying you'd potentially be saving lives lol, but I can actually see and believe the argument. Also, if the mum did find out what it was it might be hard on her to know it was preplanned like that. She doesnt need to know.

Take it and destroy it if you can. I think part of the thing with all this, at least for me, would be if I had it - even if I was in a good place - you don't know when that's gonna change and it being hard to get is usually what buys us time to rethink if we want to end it.

I think you'll have some satisfaction in taking it, but deffo bloody get rid of it!

 

[rozeske]

I say you should take it. Deciding whether you want to keep it or bin it would ultimately be your decision, but don't let anyone else who gets their hand on it miss use it. They may not know how to handle it or dispose of it properly. You could involve the police and have them deal with it but you might get in trouble. Or if you decide not to take it you could print out a caution Instruction and stick it on the SN package if it doesn't already got one.

 

[Ash]

In a book or on TV, I'd be saying to take it. But that's not real life. Would possessing it be too much of a temptation? Can you bring yourself to dispose of it safely?

 

[yeh it's all gucci]

How did he die?

 

[tgifryday]

How did he die?

I'm honestly not sure... All I know is that he had been in there for almost a week until anyone was checking on him. /: My manager is who went into the room, she said it didn't LOOK messy in there, so no blood or anything. I'm kind of thinking it could have been an intentional overdose... fentanyl is really easy to come by around here and it's so fucking easy to OD on it omg even addicts with giant tolerances accidentally fucking kill themselves ALL the time. My theory is that the SN was a backup plan if he couldn't source some blues fast enough, but I obviously don't know for sure, that's just what I personally would plan.

The MOST ABSOLUTELY FUCKED UP part of the whole thing, is when his mom called she LITERALLY SAID "Can you please check on room 315, my son is staying there and I haven't heard from him. He told me a week ago that he wasn't feeling himself and was contemplating suicide, but I haven't talked to him since then and now he's not answering my calls." HE TOLD HER A WEEK AGO THAT HE NEEDED HELP AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO CHECK IN ON HIM FOR A WHOLE WEEEEKKKKKKKK. It's just so fucking sad and I can't even fucking believe her. If I was at the point of letting my own mother know that I was going to DIE SOON and she didn't do anything about it?? That'd 100% be the sign I needed to just finally do it.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Weird. He probably browsed this site!

 

[rozeske]

Weird. He probably browsed this site!

He does sound like a member. Hope he is at peace.

The MOST ABSOLUTELY FUCKED UP part of the whole thing, is when his mom called she LITERALLY SAID "Can you please check on room 315, my son is staying there and I haven't heard from him. He told me a week ago that he wasn't feeling himself and was contemplating suicide, but I haven't talked to him since then and now he's not answering my calls." HE TOLD HER A WEEK AGO THAT HE NEEDED HELP AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO CHECK IN ON HIM FOR A WHOLE WEEEEKKKKKKKK. It's just so fucking sad and I can't even fucking believe her. If I was at the point of letting my own mother know that I was going to DIE SOON and she didn't do anything about it?? That'd 100% be the sign I needed to just finally do it.

It's sad he even had to resort to suicide, especially after disclosing his suffering and not getting the help he was seeking. But imagine having a peaceful method on hand and another one on the way! Am glad he atleast had that, a peaceful exit.

 

[yeh it's all gucci]

@tgifryday How do the staff cope after finding people who suicide in hotels? Do your co-workers talk about it much? Do they get counselling or is it just a part of the job and move on with it kind of thing?

 

[ijustwishtodie]

What the hell... I have so much envy. I wish something like that could happen to me but unfortunately I don't think it ever will

 

[Little_Suzy]

I'm honestly not sure... All I know is that he had been in there for almost a week until anyone was checking on him. /: My manager is who went into the room, she said it didn't LOOK messy in there, so no blood or anything. I'm kind of thinking it could have been an intentional overdose... fentanyl is really easy to come by around here and it's so fucking easy to OD on it omg even addicts with giant tolerances accidentally fucking kill themselves ALL the time. My theory is that the SN was a backup plan if he couldn't source some blues fast enough, but I obviously don't know for sure, that's just what I personally would plan.

The MOST ABSOLUTELY FUCKED UP part of the whole thing, is when his mom called she LITERALLY SAID "Can you please check on room 315, my son is staying there and I haven't heard from him. He told me a week ago that he wasn't feeling himself and was contemplating suicide, but I haven't talked to him since then and now he's not answering my calls." HE TOLD HER A WEEK AGO THAT HE NEEDED HELP AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO CHECK IN ON HIM FOR A WHOLE WEEEEKKKKKKKK. It's just so fucking sad and I can't even fucking believe her. If I was at the point of letting my own mother know that I was going to DIE SOON and she didn't do anything about it?? That'd 100% be the sign I needed to just finally do it.

There's nothing she can do. He will end up in an involuntary psych ward, hating her guts. Once he has left, grab the fenny or SN.

If he wanted help, he could have called EMS himself. RIP, 315.

You enjoy his SN. Finders, keepers. lol

 

[C_F]

I'm honestly not sure... All I know is that he had been in there for almost a week until anyone was checking on him. /: My manager is who went into the room, she said it didn't LOOK messy in there, so no blood or anything. I'm kind of thinking it could have been an intentional overdose... fentanyl is really easy to come by around here and it's so fucking easy to OD on it omg even addicts with giant tolerances accidentally fucking kill themselves ALL the time. My theory is that the SN was a backup plan if he couldn't source some blues fast enough, but I obviously don't know for sure, that's just what I personally would plan.

The MOST ABSOLUTELY FUCKED UP part of the whole thing, is when his mom called she LITERALLY SAID "Can you please check on room 315, my son is staying there and I haven't heard from him. He told me a week ago that he wasn't feeling himself and was contemplating suicide, but I haven't talked to him since then and now he's not answering my calls." HE TOLD HER A WEEK AGO THAT HE NEEDED HELP AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO CHECK IN ON HIM FOR A WHOLE WEEEEKKKKKKKK. It's just so fucking sad and I can't even fucking believe her. If I was at the point of letting my own mother know that I was going to DIE SOON and she didn't do anything about it?? That'd 100% be the sign I needed to just finally do it.

". If I was at the point of letting my own mother know that I was going to DIE SOON and she didn't do anything about it?? That'd 100% be the sign I needed to just finally do it."

Funny - this is my situation and what has me CTBing soon. It hurts insanely when you ask for help from your parent and they do nothing.

 

[J&L383]

Keep the envelope, I would, unless there's cameras that would disclose what you're doing. The sender or the receiver isn't going to say anything.

 

[Dusk till dawn]

Seems like you got the holy grain, save it, as someone who's been searching for SN tirelessly for months, you might never get this chance again, if i was you i'd risk being jailed than wasting this chance, you might be feeling good now but you never know when life becomes rainy, not saying you should ctb but there could be a time when you'll need it and you'll regret wasting this chance