Trying not to relapse into DPH

[burninghill]

I was using DPH (sleeping medication) weekly at the beginning of this year and I cut myself off from using it, especially because I didn't want to be perceived as a addict to my boyfriend haha, especially because he has lost 2 members of his immediate family to addiction.

I'm also trying not to buy more nicotine pouches. I want them bad but they're expensive and honestly I can't really afford to sustain it.

I'm just so bored and I feel miserable. I enjoy DPH so fucking much. It's my favourite thing in the world but I really don't want to use it again. It causes me a lot of anxiety, not because of the trip itself but the thought of having to go to hospital because I took too much or something.

I just feel miserable. It's the only word for it. I've been ordering monster and noodles and coffee to my house so I don't have to leave. I need something to do with myself. I want to occupy myself but I also don't really, you know?

 

[burninghill]

There's just no way I'm not going to get high soon. I've been up so late every night and all I want to do is sleep but I don't have any herbal sleeping aid right now. This means that all I have access to is DPH and whenever I think about potentially taking it for its intended purpose I just get fixated on wanting to get high again. It's so fucking difficult. It's right here. I know I should get rid of it but I just can't.
There's just no way I'm not going to get high soon. I've been up so late every night and all I want to do is sleep but I don't have any herbal sleeping aid right now. This means that all I have access to is DPH and whenever I think about potentially taking it for its intended purpose I just get fixated on wanting to get high again. It's so fucking difficult. It's right here. I know I should get rid of it but I just can't.


It just spirals. I have 25mg tablets but I should take 50mg (reasonable dose) to make sure I'm really asleep. But if I'm taking 50 then I might aswell take 100 for a little buzz. But if I'm taking 100 then I'm already overdosing, so I might aswell take 200. But I don't trip as well on 200 as I would on 400, so I might aswell just take 400. I can't do it. I really need help. I dont want to use again.

 

[june]

Hello burning hill. I am wishing you well. It sounds like you're struggling. Do you have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep?Both?

 

[DignifiedGrave]

Hey. How are you doing? Id really like to hear about how you're doing rn, ive seen you active on here a lot. I dont mean to be icky in any way or to act insufferable but know im rooting for you and I hope you kick yoor dph addiction. I just want you know that whenever you choose to let it go and refrain your brain literally prunes the pathways that connect to it. You need to build new neural pathways that'll compete with the old ones. Im sure you can do it!

 

[burninghill]

Hello burning hill. I am wishing you well. It sounds like you're struggling. Do you have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep?Both?

Both, I've always been a bad sleeper in terms of staying asleep, I'd wake up roughly hourly. For maybe the past 4 months though I haven't been able to sleep before around 6am, it's really frustrating.

Right now I sleep at around 6-8am and wake up at 3-4pm, so I miss lunch and a lot of other things. I've tried herbal sleeping aid, music, asmr (which used to help) but nothing works.

Hey. How are you doing? Id really like to hear about how you're doing rn, ive seen you active on here a lot. I dont mean to be icky in any way or to act insufferable but know im rooting for you and I hope you kick yoor dph addiction. I just want you know that whenever you choose to let it go and refrain your brain literally prunes the pathways that connect to it. You need to build new neural pathways that'll compete with the old ones. Im sure you can do it!

Hiii :•) I'm okay, I'm exhausted and still thinking about getting high but I haven't yet… so!

I'm pretty lonely at the minute, just trying to keep myself entertained because boredom is definitely my biggest trigger.

How have you been recently? Been up to anything notable?