Everything is falling apart

[burninghill]

Relapsing into dph has ruined everything. I went outside today and just felt doomed. I only get that feeling when things are close to being over.

I haven't stopped watching gore since either. That was an addiction of mine for a long time and I haven't stopped watching it regularly since I relapsed.

I haven't been playing the games I normally would to entertain myself so I've just been laying in bed miserable hoping this will all be over soon. I've really fucked everything up. I can't wait to trip again.

I've tried to connect with people on these forums and they're all creeps. Some guy here told me his dying wish was to see my feet and men from other forums are all the same. I wish part of me didn't like that attention.