wylcel
mimi
- Oct 25, 2024
- 13
i just feel so pathetic, i used to at least have drive and strong emotions and feelings, but now i've become a husk.
i can't handle anything in my life anymore, university or my relationships or even my hobbies, because everything has slowly been deteriorating these past few months
whenever i manage to feel alright it never lasts, my mind drifts to how everything around me is changing and i'm getting left behind, the two most important people to me in my life are growing closer and im drifting away, they ignore my texts now, my girlfriend is using terms of endearment that were very personal to us with her other girlfriend, she bought two tickets to a concert to go with my sister and not me (they're there together right now), etc.
i want to start going to the psychiatrist again and try to get my meds fixed but i don't think it'll accomplish much because i know i have genuine problems going on with my life, not just the bpd fucking me up. plus, i've gotten hooked on nicotine and xanax, and now im starting to also need weed just to cope with existing.
i don't know what i'd do if my girlfriend finds out, she hates stoners nearly more than anything else in the world because of experiences she's had with them, and i thought i'd never become one, but all i've done these past few weeks is get high and watch garbage on my computer.
i have this album i really want to finish before i turn 19 but it's less than two weeks away and in my current state i basically can't do anything at all. making music is the most important thing to me, at this point what i've based my identity around. plus i have tests coming up this same week and i haven't studied at all.
i feel like subhuman trash. i used to be interested in my philosophy and studying, i used to make music and be driven by intense love and yearing. now i just get high and vape while watching ted
i can't handle anything in my life anymore, university or my relationships or even my hobbies, because everything has slowly been deteriorating these past few months
whenever i manage to feel alright it never lasts, my mind drifts to how everything around me is changing and i'm getting left behind, the two most important people to me in my life are growing closer and im drifting away, they ignore my texts now, my girlfriend is using terms of endearment that were very personal to us with her other girlfriend, she bought two tickets to a concert to go with my sister and not me (they're there together right now), etc.
i want to start going to the psychiatrist again and try to get my meds fixed but i don't think it'll accomplish much because i know i have genuine problems going on with my life, not just the bpd fucking me up. plus, i've gotten hooked on nicotine and xanax, and now im starting to also need weed just to cope with existing.
i don't know what i'd do if my girlfriend finds out, she hates stoners nearly more than anything else in the world because of experiences she's had with them, and i thought i'd never become one, but all i've done these past few weeks is get high and watch garbage on my computer.
i have this album i really want to finish before i turn 19 but it's less than two weeks away and in my current state i basically can't do anything at all. making music is the most important thing to me, at this point what i've based my identity around. plus i have tests coming up this same week and i haven't studied at all.
i feel like subhuman trash. i used to be interested in my philosophy and studying, i used to make music and be driven by intense love and yearing. now i just get high and vape while watching ted
