My life feels empty when I’m not high

[burninghill]

I used DPH recreationally for a few months after trying to commit suicide. DPH is just that shit you get in sleep medication, bennys, makes you feel fuzzy, have difficulty walking and hallucinate.

I've realised that my life just feels so fucking empty because I know how good I could feel if I was getting high more often, but it's slippery.

You get high one night and it's great, so you wanna do it again but your tolerance has built (it's quick with DPH) so you have to take twice the dose if you want to go again within the week, which you shouldn't.

I just really want to feel good again, I don't care if my organs fail or if I have to go to hospital. It's the only thing I want more than anything else.

Everyone could leave me, every single last person. My boyfriend could break up with me, my mum could die, my friends could decide they want nothing to do with me and I'd be fine if it meant I could get high without physical consequence.

 

[SASU-KE]

just really want to feel good again, I don't care if my organs fail or if I have to go to hospital. It's the only thing I want more than anything else.

Everyone could leave me, every single last person. My boyfriend could break up with me, my mum could die, my friends could decide they want nothing to do with me and I'd be fine if it meant I could get high without physical consequence.

I would do drugs if there wasn't any physical consequence. That's actually the first thing I thought of when I watched this very famous sci-fi show called Altered Carbon(well the book is famous). People can basically jump from one artificial body to another by just transferring their memories on a chip.

If such a thing was possible, you could basically do a ton of things that wrecked your health and still jump your way out of it.

 

[iguazo falls]

i understand life feels so meaningless and empty without drugs. idgaf if it doesn't feel good anymore and i spend two hours curled up trying to puke my lunch on dxm; the two hours after with the absence of anhedonia and meaninglessness makes it worth it.

 

[burninghill]

i understand life feels so meaningless and empty without drugs. idgaf if it doesn't feel good anymore and i spend two hours curled up trying to puke my lunch on dxm; the two hours after with the absence of anhedonia and meaninglessness makes it worth it.

I was going to try DXM but I heard the nausea on the come up is awful and I already struggle with nausea day to day.

I'm thinking about doing a 2nd plat trip and taking some DPH to combat the nausea soon.