Transgender Support Megathread

[SorryForThePain]

I think I'm in such a bad place right now that I honestly sometimes wish my attempt to leave this world had not failed so miserably. I love my partner/wife with everything I have but I don't think I can stand myself or the fighting any longer. I know she has an account here and is probably going to see this but honestly I don't know how I feel anymore about me and her. We have let the room become a mess, we stopped taking estrogen and I started cutting again. I constantly snap at her and constantly direct my anger towards her when I shouldn't. I know I'm a subpar girlfriend and I hate it. Id hoped that would change with time but it hasn't changed more than an inch. Idk anymore. I just want to be happy. I want to feel like real me and I want to stop feeling so empty but no matter what I do or say it all fails. I just want to be happy but I don't think I can achieve it anymore I think I'm just a void now

 

[dogbreath]

Im wishy washy between being a trans man and being nonbinary...wish I could transition but I'm so scared too,,,I'm scared of getting disgusted glances from strangers and peers....I once bought a binder....was extremely happy....but it didn't remove my curves and I felt defeated... it just feels like I should give up and do my best to accept being seen as a girl. Everyday I have to pretend that I'm someone else. I have to roleplay as a girl.... even If I do transition, I don't think I can ever be who I really want to be. I want people to look at me and think "I can't tell what that is. Don't know the right pronouns" but no I'm stuck as being a girl

 

[fwompie]

I thought thzt i was trans and dug myself into a biiiig hole.

i haven't "transitioned" as much as surgery but, even just the social aspect, amd my name and stuff.
my family and what not

I feel like I made a mistake- however I'm not taking away from, the real trans people, I just thought I'd tell you my take since you asked.

New to this forum, hi.

It's actually not uncommon at all for people struggling with mental health to think that they are trans. Perhaps the thought "if I was just someone else" belongs to that, I'm not sure. If you were ftm also know it's not uncommon for young girls to get body dysphoria when they start growing curves, some grow out of it, some think they're trans and some do change their bodies to make themselves comfortable.
I can imagine it'll be just as hard to come out as it is to tell them you were wrong, but imo it would be good. Just like if you're trans but in the closet, you can't live a lie, it's exhausting and depressing. Wishing you the best

Im wishy washy between being a trans man and being nonbinary...wish I could transition but I'm so scared too,,,I'm scared of getting disgusted glances from strangers and peers....I once bought a binder....was extremely happy....but it didn't remove my curves and I felt defeated... it just feels like I should give up and do my best to accept being seen as a girl. Everyday I have to pretend that I'm someone else. I have to roleplay as a girl.... even If I do transition, I don't think I can ever be who I really want to be. I want people to look at me and think "I can't tell what that is. Don't know the right pronouns" but no I'm stuck as being a girl

Being trans and out is definitely a struggle, but hiding who you really are is even harder. I'd say, don't knock it till you try it, you'd be surprised how quickly people get confused, especially once you're able to get your hands on testosterone. I'm personally on a giant waiting list for any treatment but when I tell people I'm a guy they usually just assume I look a little feminine and have an oddly high voice. People will often take your word for it. The coming out with it is hard, you'll always have to defend yourself and it's exhausting. Definitely worth a try though.

 

[bitofftoomuch]

Internalized phobia is going to be my cause of death. Not because it's made me hate myself, but because it's made me blow up relationships with the other trans people who showed me love.

I had a friend who made life worth living. I pushed her away -- I made a million excuses but I know deep down it was about believing she wasn't pretty enough and girly enough and that I needed to distance myself from her so I could fit in with cis women. Because I'm horrible.

I deserve the crippling loneliness that I've experienced as a result of this. I had my chance to fix things with her and blew it. There's nothing left in this world for me now besides stressors and regret; I just want to leave so I can stop thinking about all of it.

It's funny too, I'm actually pretty happy with my body's results. Goes to show everyone needs people to thrive.

 

[DysphoriaDrug]

im preoccupied with thinking about my own death lately. im a closeted trans woman. i feel deeply uncomfortable in my life, particularly in social situations. I feel like people are constantly projecting this man onto me and I feel helpless to escape it. I have taken hrt for 7 years but didnt really have any luck with that. I always held out hope growing up that i would figure out what was wrong with me and my life could get better. When I finally came to terms with being trans in my early 20's, it was the first time i'd had hope in my life since I was a little kid.

It was only years into transition that it started to sink in that yes, I may have finally figured out what the problem was, but it turns out that the solution was impossible.

i wake up every morning and for a brief moment i don't remember who i am or what my life is, and it feels like anything is possible.

Then it all comes flooding back. There's something wrong. I'm uncomfortable. I think about how i can make the discomfort go away. No, I already tried all of that. I get dressed and go to work. I try to keep my mind occupied with voices in my headphones but sometimes i have to go to the bathroom and squat against the wall and sometimes i cry and sometimes i can't.

When i get home, i stare at the tv or my phone and just hope the time passes quickly until it's time to go to bed. Lying in bed: with no distractions the thoughts creep back in. I used to soothe myself to sleep by imagining a life where things are different, where life feels good. I can no longer imagine things being different, so now most of the time i just cry myself to sleep.

I really don't want to die. I want to live. Sometimes it makes me feel a little better to know that I never had a chance anyway.