floop
sadboi
- Jan 29, 2025
- 81
hey all, here's a story about one of my suicide attempts and what i experienced and it is a little long. no worries if you don't feel like reading it <3
been a part of this community for a little while now and i love reading what everyone has to say and their experiences. i guess i wanted to ask if any of you had a near death experience and what was it like for you. for me i have been in 5 comas and/or on life support due to suicide attempts starting at 12yo (i'm 24 now) and each one was unique but i've only had two "experiences." the most "serious" one being in 2022, i was in an extremely unhealthy relationship. my friends and family all approached and said that i didn't have to stay with him and that they knew what was really going on. i was adamant that i was fine and that they were just pushing themselves into my business needlessly, however looking back i am so grateful they were there and in the end supported me over everything. well one day there was an argument and i was at an extremely low point, i had absolutely hated where i was in life. it was just the two of us in our apartment and after he was done yelling, i just stayed in the kitchen and took my clonazepam and gabapentin i was prescribed and i had a whole bottle of tequila in the freezer that i poured into a big plastic cup and i chugged it chasing it with a bud light soda (yuck lmao) and i finished the whole bottle of tequila that way. the last thing i remember that night i was standing in front of the dishwasher in the kitchen and that's it. now i guess my friend came over and her and my bf found me on the living room floor and nothing they could do would wake me up or even rouse me. but i was "snoring" so they thought i was somewhat fine, long story short she called an ambulance. they get there and immediately start doing their thing, and it turns out i was not snoring. it was agonal breathing and they had no idea how long i had been no pulse no breathing, so they try cpr and when that didn't work they used those paddles they stick to your chest and side to shock your heart to beating again. i guess they had shocked me 6-7 times before somehow, i came back (yay...) turns out alcohol, klonopin, and gabapentin all increase gaba in the brain and it sent me into respiratory failure. basically i was so relaxed that my body didn't even know how to breathe. but what i personally experienced while all of this happened was interesting. you're not going to hear me say i saw the pearly gates or saw my ancestors, in fact i saw no one. nothing. it wasn't just black, it was devoid of literally everything. while that may sound scary, it wasn't at all. it was sooo serene and calm and i think i knew somehow who i was and that now i just had to sit in the "void" but i was fine with it. i experienced absolutely nothing negative or felt "bad" feelings. might be boring but this is what i went through, now i have 0% fear of death it's just the doing it part and risking being "saved." i do wish ALL the time i wasn't resuscitated bc i did it all so peacefully that if i went that night, it would've meant absolutely no physical suffering. but i digress, lol. i ended up waking up in the ICU a little over 3 days later and surprisingly i had nothing seriously wrong with me (physically) and i think about this experience quite often. i left my partner not even two weeks later.
but thank you so much for reading my story and if you feel comfortable, i would love to hear your story/experience if you have one. i wish you all peace and love <3
ETA: here is a link if you like reading other people's experiences - nderf.org
been a part of this community for a little while now and i love reading what everyone has to say and their experiences. i guess i wanted to ask if any of you had a near death experience and what was it like for you. for me i have been in 5 comas and/or on life support due to suicide attempts starting at 12yo (i'm 24 now) and each one was unique but i've only had two "experiences." the most "serious" one being in 2022, i was in an extremely unhealthy relationship. my friends and family all approached and said that i didn't have to stay with him and that they knew what was really going on. i was adamant that i was fine and that they were just pushing themselves into my business needlessly, however looking back i am so grateful they were there and in the end supported me over everything. well one day there was an argument and i was at an extremely low point, i had absolutely hated where i was in life. it was just the two of us in our apartment and after he was done yelling, i just stayed in the kitchen and took my clonazepam and gabapentin i was prescribed and i had a whole bottle of tequila in the freezer that i poured into a big plastic cup and i chugged it chasing it with a bud light soda (yuck lmao) and i finished the whole bottle of tequila that way. the last thing i remember that night i was standing in front of the dishwasher in the kitchen and that's it. now i guess my friend came over and her and my bf found me on the living room floor and nothing they could do would wake me up or even rouse me. but i was "snoring" so they thought i was somewhat fine, long story short she called an ambulance. they get there and immediately start doing their thing, and it turns out i was not snoring. it was agonal breathing and they had no idea how long i had been no pulse no breathing, so they try cpr and when that didn't work they used those paddles they stick to your chest and side to shock your heart to beating again. i guess they had shocked me 6-7 times before somehow, i came back (yay...) turns out alcohol, klonopin, and gabapentin all increase gaba in the brain and it sent me into respiratory failure. basically i was so relaxed that my body didn't even know how to breathe. but what i personally experienced while all of this happened was interesting. you're not going to hear me say i saw the pearly gates or saw my ancestors, in fact i saw no one. nothing. it wasn't just black, it was devoid of literally everything. while that may sound scary, it wasn't at all. it was sooo serene and calm and i think i knew somehow who i was and that now i just had to sit in the "void" but i was fine with it. i experienced absolutely nothing negative or felt "bad" feelings. might be boring but this is what i went through, now i have 0% fear of death it's just the doing it part and risking being "saved." i do wish ALL the time i wasn't resuscitated bc i did it all so peacefully that if i went that night, it would've meant absolutely no physical suffering. but i digress, lol. i ended up waking up in the ICU a little over 3 days later and surprisingly i had nothing seriously wrong with me (physically) and i think about this experience quite often. i left my partner not even two weeks later.
but thank you so much for reading my story and if you feel comfortable, i would love to hear your story/experience if you have one. i wish you all peace and love <3
ETA: here is a link if you like reading other people's experiences - nderf.org
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