Venting Told my friend that I wanted to ctb

[RestlessTaiga]

I'm very conflicted about this, I thought that telling him about my feelings would make me feel better, But now, I just feel worst.

He visited me to do a wellness check, We ended up walking around and talking about it, I know he had good intentions doing that, he try to talked me out of it, but he was just convincing me more.

I still want to Ctb, But now I feel guilty just thinking about it, even knowing that I really shouldn't.

 

[StupidCat]

You have friend who care. Telling them about it also shows you care.
However the decision is yours. You don't really have to feel guilty about what you do as long as you know it's the right choice.

 

[eggsausagerice]

He visited me to do a wellness check, We ended up walking around and talking about it, I know he had good intentions doing that, he try to talked me out of it, but he was just convincing me more.

i ghosted my bud because i feel so guilty knowing that i want to kill myself but he'll try to call the cops again because there's nothing he can do. it makes me feel bad that i'm his friend. it's nice that you have a friend who cares, but anything they say won't really convince you. sometimes i think that i should pretend to be happier or like i actually want to live so that he feels peaceful, but he knows i'm going to do it soon. it feels easier to stop talking entirely so that i stop burdening their normal life. i'm sick of talking about my depression. breaking down every day makes me sound annoying.

 

[RestlessTaiga]

i ghosted my bud because i feel so guilty knowing that i want to kill myself but he'll try to call the cops again because there's nothing he can do. it makes me feel bad that i'm his friend. it's nice that you have a friend who cares, but anything they say won't really convince you. sometimes i think that i should pretend to be happier or like i actually want to live so that he feels peaceful, but he knows i'm going to do it soon. it feels easier to stop talking entirely so that i stop burdening their normal life. i'm sick of talking about my depression. breaking down every day makes me sound annoying.

I always feel like I'm a burden to him, even more know, I saw on his face how much I was hurting him, Sometimes I wish I could just disappear without anyone noticing, that way I wouldn't cause so much pain for him and my friends.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's good to open up but as long the one we're opening up to is a pro-lifer then ultimately it becomes difficult - whether the circumstances that make you suicidal can be eliminated (healed) or not. And whether you will receive the support you need from your bf.

I always feel like I'm a burden to him

If it's true love you're not a burden!

I'm sorry you have to go through this.


What makes you suicidal? Why r u suicidal? If I may ask that.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

Don't feel guilty for telling him. But I would explore why you feel the need for ctb if you have social support. Worse comes to worse, you can find a way to make him part of it. Obviously not the assisting suicide part, but maybe arrange for some sort of "aftercare."

 

[RestlessTaiga]

What makes you suicidal? Why r u suicidal? If I may ask that.

Basically, I don't see a point in me staying here for too long, I don't have any hope for the future, don't any ambition or dream that I can realistically accomplish, and various other things.

 

[snooperdooper]

The unfortunate truth is the only experience that mentally well people have with CTB is what they've been told. If you open up to a mentally healthy person about your desire to CTB they are inevitably going to talk you out of it because they simply do not know better. They can never truly experience what you are going through, and I don't think you want them to. It's a horrible, horrible situation, not being able to talk to anybody about something that is eating you alive because it would end up making things so much worse. You can only hope that, in the event you succeed in CTB, that they will find some type of understanding about why you did it and not beat themselves up about it.