MaggotMuncher202
Enduring it unwillingly.
- Jul 25, 2026
- 6
I have ruined a 7 year relationship by worsening into depression and suicidal thoughts. I attempted 2 times while I was with him. My ex finally left forever and ghosted me when I told him how bad it had gotten and how I craved death again. He just called the cops on me and left without a word. He never cared, and just ignored it. I remember one time crying on the ground begging him to just talk to me about it because I had no one else in my life and he only stared at me before walking out the door. Didn't come back for hours. Even though I remember him as apathetic I miss him in such a fucked up way. I took care of him the whole time because he had his issues and it gave me a sense of purpose. But when mine popped up he never wanted to deal with it. That was at the start of this year.
I've been seeing a new guy for a few months now. We used to date like fucking 13 years ago and he contacted me randomly to meet up again. I always wanted to be with him again, so the fact that he contacted me again made me feel so wanted. It gave me some motivation for a while to better myself, but now it's all crumbling down in such a bad way. My bf has been hardcore avoiding me now, and whenever I try to talk to him about anything it's just a "Yeah?" and that's the end of the conversation. He's even going to college to be an adolescent psychiatrist, so I thought maybe he'd know how to handle mental shit like this. I know I should be trying harder to be a good gf but with how bad I've been feeling I thought he might want to help me. Maybe I'm just super selfish in thinking I deserved a tiny bit of care. I can feel this relationship falling apart already and without him, I will have literally NO ONE in my life anymore. Not family (they don't want to think about me), not friends (all ghosted me and left with other friends), not even my cat since he died.
I just don't know what to do. My fear of pushing him away with my negativity is actively pushing him away and all I want is him to stay. I've been seriously planning my CTB date and trying to seem normal so no one will suspect it, even though I don't have anyone who would even give a shit lmao. Anyways anyone else fuck up their relationships through being suicidal???
I've been seeing a new guy for a few months now. We used to date like fucking 13 years ago and he contacted me randomly to meet up again. I always wanted to be with him again, so the fact that he contacted me again made me feel so wanted. It gave me some motivation for a while to better myself, but now it's all crumbling down in such a bad way. My bf has been hardcore avoiding me now, and whenever I try to talk to him about anything it's just a "Yeah?" and that's the end of the conversation. He's even going to college to be an adolescent psychiatrist, so I thought maybe he'd know how to handle mental shit like this. I know I should be trying harder to be a good gf but with how bad I've been feeling I thought he might want to help me. Maybe I'm just super selfish in thinking I deserved a tiny bit of care. I can feel this relationship falling apart already and without him, I will have literally NO ONE in my life anymore. Not family (they don't want to think about me), not friends (all ghosted me and left with other friends), not even my cat since he died.
I just don't know what to do. My fear of pushing him away with my negativity is actively pushing him away and all I want is him to stay. I've been seriously planning my CTB date and trying to seem normal so no one will suspect it, even though I don't have anyone who would even give a shit lmao. Anyways anyone else fuck up their relationships through being suicidal???
