Venting Fucking up my relationships.

[MaggotMuncher202]

I have ruined a 7 year relationship by worsening into depression and suicidal thoughts. I attempted 2 times while I was with him. My ex finally left forever and ghosted me when I told him how bad it had gotten and how I craved death again. He just called the cops on me and left without a word. He never cared, and just ignored it. I remember one time crying on the ground begging him to just talk to me about it because I had no one else in my life and he only stared at me before walking out the door. Didn't come back for hours. Even though I remember him as apathetic I miss him in such a fucked up way. I took care of him the whole time because he had his issues and it gave me a sense of purpose. But when mine popped up he never wanted to deal with it. That was at the start of this year.

I've been seeing a new guy for a few months now. We used to date like fucking 13 years ago and he contacted me randomly to meet up again. I always wanted to be with him again, so the fact that he contacted me again made me feel so wanted. It gave me some motivation for a while to better myself, but now it's all crumbling down in such a bad way. My bf has been hardcore avoiding me now, and whenever I try to talk to him about anything it's just a "Yeah?" and that's the end of the conversation. He's even going to college to be an adolescent psychiatrist, so I thought maybe he'd know how to handle mental shit like this. I know I should be trying harder to be a good gf but with how bad I've been feeling I thought he might want to help me. Maybe I'm just super selfish in thinking I deserved a tiny bit of care. I can feel this relationship falling apart already and without him, I will have literally NO ONE in my life anymore. Not family (they don't want to think about me), not friends (all ghosted me and left with other friends), not even my cat since he died.

I just don't know what to do. My fear of pushing him away with my negativity is actively pushing him away and all I want is him to stay. I've been seriously planning my CTB date and trying to seem normal so no one will suspect it, even though I don't have anyone who would even give a shit lmao. Anyways anyone else fuck up their relationships through being suicidal???

 

[Cepheuss]

I think you gotta give life a go while being single have some time to yourself. Obviously not my life not my say but these men just dont seem worth it i know your suicidalness is separate i just hope without these negative influences around you you can learn to separate and be free from them you know? Maybe get a new outlook. Either way i wish the best for you

Ive lost and fucked so many relationships due to being suicidal too much to even get into

 

[Manfrotto99]

Is there anything you really want from him or is there anything he can do to help you? If so and his not doing those things then maybe he is only making it worse for you. Otherwise if there is nothing he can do, other than empathise and feel depressed along with you, I'm not sure.... because if he can't help you he will proberbly feel like a failure or your taking him for granted and resent it and/ or he may believe that you would be better of with someone else who could help. It's hard and I get were you are coming from

 

[SheenaMimi]

Some people are simply not prepared for these kinds of scenarios, and we can't blame them.
I'm going through the same thing and I completely understand. I don't even know what to do myself, but I genuinely hope things get better. Wish you all the best