Discussion To all you lonely hearts out there- Why are you single?

[Forever Sleep]

So, the last thing I want to do is provoke a battle of the sexes. Or- to upset anyone by leaving them out. Also bear in mind that this poll will reveal your gender and sexuality- which not everyone might want to reveal.

That said, the other day I ran a poll on how many of us were single. It seems likely that many of us are suffering from loneliness and lack of support, so I was curious about statistics. A few people suggested a poll asking people why they were single to see whether there are any patterns according to gender.

We are all aware I think of the incel population. People, (mostly men) who feel they are forced into abstinence because of how they feel women are prejudiced against them. But- do we have female incels here too? Or- are you single by choice? Or, is it because former bad relationships have put you off?

It's not like this is going to be some comprehensive study but- it would be interesting to see. Like I say, the last thing I want to do is offend people. Seeing as these polls have a limit to 10 options, I'm afraid I can't cover much in the way of LGBTQ relationships. It would be fascinating to see if the results mirror gender patterns in straight relationships but I didn't have enough options. Sorry- I hope I haven't offended anyone. Feel free to add your personal experiences- if you want to bellow.

 

[Dead Ghost]

I am a 45 year old man but I have not made any choice. My level of commitment would not make a sustained relationship viable over time, as there would be a strong imbalance between what I can contribute and what the other person can contribute...I am sick and it would not be fair the effort and sacrifice my partner would have to make.

//

Sóc un home de 45 anys però no he escollit cap opció. El meu nivell de compromís no faría viable una relació sostinguda en el temps, ja que hi hauría un fort desequilibri entre el que puc aportar jo i el que por aportar l'altre persona.. estic malalt i no sería just l'esforç i el sacrifici que hauría de fer la meva parella.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I am a 45 year old man but I have not made any choice. My level of commitment would not make a sustained relationship viable over time, as there would be a strong imbalance between what I can contribute and what the other person can contribute...I am sick and it would not be fair the effort and sacrifice my partner would have to make.

//

Sóc un home de 45 anys però no he escollit cap opció. El meu nivell de compromís no faría viable una relació sostinguda en el temps, ja que hi hauría un fort desequilibri entre el que puc aportar jo i el que por aportar l'altre persona.. estic malalt i no sería just l'esforç i el sacrifici que hauría de fer la meva parella.

It's really considerate that you recognise that and don't want to hurt anyone.

 

[Unattainable666]

I think relationships are pretty worthless. I've had two serious relationships with narcs (if that doesn't teach you to stay away nothing will) and some fly by night relationships. People are so fucked up - all they want is what they can get out of you and then they discard you. Not worth my time or effort. I'd much rather be alone by myself without all the drama.

 

[Ruma]

I'm female,straight and have been single for the last four years,completely by choice. I prefer being on my own,like Unattainable666 has already said,relationships bring too much drama,I can do without it.

 

[winamp]

I don't understand why relationships exist and I don't think I'm missing out on anything

and love, romance, and sex makes me a bit uncomfortable so that may also be another reason why I choose to be alone

I am female, I don't know what my sexuality is

Spoiler: rambling

also romance and sex is a commodity now so who would want it anyway or desire it

sexuality, romance, and sensuality doesn't exist anymore well at least to me/in my opinion

but also I don't know since I am a sexually repressed person and because I have no experience what so ever but from what I've seen everyone looks miserable and love is just transactional and dramatic now or relies on aesthetics and arousal

also it's very hard for me to be attracted to people because I am focused on my interests and hobbies and things that I have to do

looks and aesthetics and sexual attraction are nothing to me

engagement/intelligence/and the ability to teach and learn and communicate interests is everything to me which is a bit rare to find in my opinion

overall I don't know but I think everyone is wasting their time

 

[trashprincess]

I want to, but I can't get over my negative self worth. Every time I think about it, I just get overwhelmed with how much I hate myself.

Specifically I've wanted to try making a dating profile, but I literally can't accept the way I look. Every picture I see of myself makes me feel TERRIBLE. Its one of the things that makes me want to cbt the most.

I really wish I could get over this. I'm so lonely. I just want someone in my life...

 

[purple_keeper]

For me it's just that I am super uncharismatic lol.

 

[carac]

46 year old straight male, Single by choice really, I think I just don't really know if I want a relationship or not and I wouldn't want to mess anybody about, wouldn't be fair on them

 

[PyramidHead]

I can't really talk with anyone due to my intense social anxiety. I can't even make proper friends unless I'm approached first, so relationships are out of the question.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Because I'm hopelessly mentally ill

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

Male, straight, and single by choice.

I don't have much to offer. My mental is a wreck, I got no job nor am I promising academically.
If I can at least hold a job I'd be willing to date again.
Mental would hold me back in nerves to talking to new people too.

ALSO, I do like a woman, that I am FWBs with, but she's more on the aromantic spectrum

I'm not desperate. I have friends. I learned with another woman that going after someone because they're "hot" is pretty dumb.
Men often get characterized as chasing anyone in a ten-mile radius but I really learned the value of compatibility.
I'd rather not get invested in a relationship that isn't good for me. I got off easy.
Even my sister was telling me to "not stick dick in crazy".

 

[Aesthetic guy]

work => house => game,movie=> sleep = therefore i dont even see anyone to approach

 

[Arachne]

im unlikeable i guess ive been in "relationships" before but they were all online

 

[Brown-Jacket Revy]

Femcel here, homo-romantic.

Single because I'm unattractive, likely on the autist spectrum and therefore unable to establish strong social bonds with others outside of family, and broke as fuck with no career.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i put other. i would say single by choice, but i do actually long for a deep connection with someone. whether thats a relationship or friendship i dont know. im just too afraid of people, commitment, being vulnerable, risking everything just to find out they despise me like everyone else etc. i hate myself and im a terrible person i would feel evil putting someone through being with me or getting to know me that well. thats if i could even find someone willing to lol. and apart from mental illness theres nothing to get to know about me, im painfully boring and have no personality. im also ugly and awkward and i feel like everyone just feels uncomfortable around me so having to rely on someone else to initiate anything bc of social anxiety is pointless lol.

 

[mizumono]

i'm a homo romantic female but honestly, i had a date last night and i got in my car and just wondered why i was still trying to form a connection. i'm autistic and it just never clicks with anyone, no one's even remotely like me, no one ever seems to understand me or my interests or my sense of humor or my desperation and tragic life i guess… i think i might be aromantic but all my life i've longed for romantic love, just having someone who would see you for whi you are, all that you are, and understand and love that. but it's pointless, there's nothing left for me

 

[AloeGarten]

I'm 20, 0 experience with women. I'm half decent looking, it's because of avpd and bad social anxiety. I could potentially lose it with a 1 night thing if I got lucky but I could never maintain a relationship

 

[Ambivalent1]

Because women have cooties from sexual liberation

 

[outatime_85]

1: I was not properly socialized as a child, so all the skills needed to build lasting bonds are missing.

2: Even though I knew those skills were missing, I gave building bonds a go anyway (how hard could it be?), and as expected, I failed miserably.

3: Having tried to give it a go, and as time has progressed, I have come to realize that not only do I not have the ability to build strong bonds, but that my genes should never go forward.

That said, would I have liked to have had a long-lasting bond with someone? Sure, but I am too broken with too many pieces missing, and I do not think I should be someone's project to fix.

 

[nerve]

1. im in poor mental health and dont think it would be fair to drag other people into it lol.

2. i should focus on improving myself and getting my own life in order before moving onto more 'advanced' stuff like dating or being in a relationship.

3. gross body :( i dont want to deal with peoples comments/disappointment/anger over how i look below the neck.

4. i kinda like it!

i dont think ill ever get over those first 3 hurdles but even if i did, i cant see myself ever like...using a dating app or a website or actively looking for someone. im way too fragile and sensitive for that whole culture. itd be a 'if the right person comes along' sort of thing.

 

[sammiechzxv]

(Bisexual female) I lost my soulmate. I'm not interested in anyone else.

 

[vitbar]

I'm a single man. My partner died, it was a miracle I met her with me being almost a shut-in. Mental health has got worse overall and can't see myself meeting anyone. How can I?

At the same time I don't really see myself as involuntary celibate. I've turned down a few offers since my ex died. Bad matches.

 

[Zegers]

I can't have sex because of my condition, lower body didn't develop, penis is not functional basically so i guess i was doomed not to know sex. When i met someone sometime it could not come to anything more than friendship so it discourages to even try.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

My condition causes me to have trouble holding down a job which means no woman wants me

 

[Wehmut]

Male, 20 years old and I am mostly single because I am rarely interested in anyone and I have a hard time trusting people, so it would be hard to form an intimate relationship with anyone. I kinda gave up on "finding the right person" and I dont want to waste my time searching for people that I end up not liking in the end anyways. I am also not interested in having sex, because I am asexual, which i think makes things a bit easier. But often I find myself longing for someone I deeply connect with. Someone that loves me unconditionally and someone that really cares for me. Im planning to talk to girls, if I can find one that I am attracted to.

 

[Gaga786]

Male 20 years old, Gay and can't have a relationship due to living in a homophobic society. I also feel like im useless and don't have anything to offer in a relationship so I doubt anyone would even want me. Im also very ugly so thats there as well

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

Im 23 man straight, i don't know what to vote, i loved only one girl but its unrequited love

I installed tinder and stuff and got lot of matches but honestly i only wanted that girl so i don't know if im single for choise or not

 

[theslasher]

Relationships as a man in America are so expensive, I'm just trying to make it on my own, next thing I know this girl wants to go out every night and make me pay for almost everything, fuck that. It's a waste of time for right now, I'd rather spend all my time learning a high income skill and move the hell out of here.

I can't have sex because of my condition, lower body didn't develop, penis is not functional basically so i guess i was doomed not to know sex. When i met someone sometime it could not come to anything more than friendship so it discourages to even try.

on the bright side, you save a lot of time on meaningless sex and pornography that many men get addicted to

 

[Alltheywanted]

18 straight male
I'm single because of my social inabilities