Story Thoughts for next time (about the death of SpentStardust)

[nir]

I wonder if he knows that his YouTube video is the reason why a lot of of us found this website in the first place? I had no idea this website existed until his video popped up in my "recommended" tab. Kinda ironic...

 

[Blurry_Buildings]

Sorry for digging up this topic, but I re-watched Tantacrul's video, and I wonder if he would make the video if the person who committed suicide were mid 30 man who were not on his Discord and has mental problems, because this forum is helping such people. Today everyone is trying to help kids, teen what is good, but they forgot about adult, and when forums which help such people starts to exist, helping people who want to die do this from the one side and recover from the other side they are chastised because kids could see this.

Also I see media were crying that kids could watch this, what about adults and young adults who are in crisis?

Its the same for the mentally and physically disabled. Society pretends to care when they are still children. When someone is no longer an adorable child but a gown adult, their empathy turns to indifference or disgust. The same people who place extra emphasis on "the children" are the kinds of people who will see no problem ditching them when they reach adulthood. Their compassion is shallow, and it runs out fast when the person doesn't fit into their preferred demographic.

The sad truth is that there would be no video or news article for a mid 30 year old, or anyone over 20 really. People just would not care enough.

 

[nembutaldream]

I mean... you did just let a minor die.

he might've gotten all the "help" this world has to offer and still committed suicide later, after having gone through even more suffering and misery. He might've started doubting himself due to the "help" and made attempts that left him permanently physically harmed.

Correlation does not equal causation, *especially* in this case with so few posts. You have no way of predicting what might've happened or knowing how certain he was about his decision and/or how receptive he would've been to "help" even if such "help" were of any use.

 

[Fangarina]

I actually find the OPs statement baffling.

I found this site through a different site. There are open forums who openly discuss methods, in depth without the requirement to join.
I lurked for months, created an account and was adamant that a few weeks ago I was going to CTB.
This site has actually given me so much peace mentally, talking to people who understand how I feel, mostly on the same level as I am. And guess what? My plans have slowed. I will still CTB, I have got what I need ordered/ hidden away and in place, but the desperation has subsided dramatically.
Why? Because I am here and I feel heard, I feel understood and I don't feel so alone in this heavy mindset of mine.

So no, this site is not a place that encourages people, it is a supportive and welcoming place that give you choice on how and when you say your goodbyes. And until that day, there is a phenomenal community who pick each other up and listen when it's needed the most.
And when I do CTB, are you all to blame? Absolutely not. But I will be at peace with my decision as it's not longer an impulsive one but a proper planned out way.

Would I prefer the suicide discussion tab to be private away from non members? Yes. But only because I hate the thought of people seeing what I write and potentially knowing who I am (they can't, I'm aware of this but hello para brain)…

 

[Emeralds]

he might've gotten all the "help" this world has to offer and still committed suicide later, after having gone through even more suffering and misery. He might've started doubting himself due to the "help" and made attempts that left him permanently physically harmed.

Correlation does not equal causation, *especially* in this case with so few posts. You have no way of predicting what might've happened or knowing how certain he was about his decision and/or how receptive he would've been to "help" even if such "help" were of any use.

He also might have gotten help for his problems and went on to lead a happy life. No one knows what problems he had that caused him to ctb. He said himself that he never told anyone that he was suicidal. If he had been encouraged to talk to someone, he very likely would have been able to get help. Most suicidal people do recover and go on to lead happy lives. I have a hard time believing that a 17 year old tried everything and got all of the help that the world has to offer.

Correlation does not equal causation, *especially* in this case with so few posts. You have no way of predicting what might've happened.

Exactly. No one here knew him personally. They don't know what his problems were. They don't know what would have happened if he tried to get help. So they shouldn't assume the worst and say that that he wouldn't be able to get the help he needed and would most likely ctb later. No one knows that. He was only 17 and was very talented. The chances are good that could have received help.

 

[RCan]

just wanted to thank the OP for posting this… I think you've raised a really really important and valid point and sad to see it's recieved so many defensive replies!

I've also seen posts from people who are in actively abusive situations on many occasions and been worried if this is really a good forum for them to be posting considering that there is not a moderated response or much thinking being put into how the community responds to people in crisis.

 

[ctb2soble]

I actually find the OPs statement baffling.

I found this site through a different site. There are open forums who openly discuss methods, in depth without the requirement to join.
I lurked for months, created an account and was adamant that a few weeks ago I was going to CTB.
This site has actually given me so much peace mentally, talking to people who understand how I feel, mostly on the same level as I am. And guess what? My plans have slowed. I will still CTB, I have got what I need ordered/ hidden away and in place, but the desperation has subsided dramatically.
Why? Because I am here and I feel heard, I feel understood and I don't feel so alone in this heavy mindset of mine.

So no, this site is not a place that encourages people, it is a supportive and welcoming place that give you choice on how and when you say your goodbyes. And until that day, there is a phenomenal community who pick each other up and listen when it's needed the most.
And when I do CTB, are you all to blame? Absolutely not. But I will be at peace with my decision as it's not longer an impulsive one but a proper planned out way.

Would I prefer the suicide discussion tab to be private away from non members? Yes. But only because I hate the thought of people seeing what I write and potentially knowing who I am (they can't, I'm aware of this but hello para brain)…

I feel the same way, although I do not have a method picked out or supplies stashed to CTB. But this site is the first time I've spoken to others and felt like someone actually heard and understood what I'm going through.

I've done therapy and gave up after I got the usual "it gets better" platitudes and instant offers for medication. I just don't like being alive on Earth and have felt that way pretty much my entire life. I don't need empty phrases filled with faux empathy. I need to talk to people who actually understand if I leave this world early I'm doing it because I have the right to die when and how I want to, and that it doesn't always "get better" for everyone.

 

[imsotired35]

There are many times me and others have read peoples posts and asked them if that's what they truly want, or if there's anything they can do to reconsider. A lot of people here already made their minds up but some are impulsive. Personally I look out for those impulsive ones and see if my words can make a difference. I know this is a pro choice site but I never tell anybody to do it or encourage them. However if somebody's mind is made up already I will wish them a peaceful journey. I feel it's the best I can do.

Saying 'the forum is only for 18 year olds', don't blame us is a pretty pathetic excuse. But more than that - even if he was 19, my point still stands. Everyone on this forum should always consider that they are speaking to a potentially underage person and should not use a paper thin, unenforced forum policy as justification for doing nothing.

Moreover, saying 'we didn't actively encourage him' isn't the point either. No one actively sought to delve into his problem and no one gave a moments thought to his very clear statement that he had never spoken to anyone about suicide. Saying 'there's a document somewhere he should have read' is as pathetic as a telephone call centre saying 'that's just company policy'.

What an amazingly pathetic excuse with amazingly appalling consequences.

Please do not forward me documents and policies to try and explain this. Actually engage with my point that perhaps there could be better protocols on this site.

I mean... you did just let a minor die.

There are so many posts every single day on this site. How do you expect us to reply to every single one encouraging them to seek help? People don't come to this site to be told to seek help, they come here to say their true feelings they can't say to anybody else where they know they will be understood and validated. If we told everybody to seek help nobody would come here anybody to talk about how they feel because they know they'd get the same basic response. There is the recovery section, if they are looking for something more.