D

diyCTB

Mage
Oct 28, 2018
573
At the end of the day, it is not this forum's responsibility to 'save lives'. We aren't therapists. We aren't trained professionals. To insinuate that everyone who comes across a 'goodbye' post and doesn't say xyz is now responsible for that person's death is absurd.
Typical behavior of society complaining about unfair politics, healthcare, education, work, prices, yet continuing sitting and watching political clowns laughing all their way to the bank and how world keeps going downhill. Then they go back to their routine i.e. work, beers, laughs, sex, chores, challenges and other normie activities until things in this world worsen again. Instead of trying to find the root cause, looking at government and businesses they instead point fingers at each other and nothing gets done in this world that keeps getting worse.

It is not this community's job to do the parenting and undo what cannot be undone. This is parents' job while society's job is to reflect the values cultivated by parents to ensure normal and safe society for its members where nobody gets hurt mentally, emotionally and physically and gets left behind to the point of thinking about depression and suicide. Government's job is to have interest of its people first to build a normally functioning society and make regulations to keep it normal and safe for society to living in. Not resting on their laurels being in bed with ultra rich filth and ignore society.

Normies come here expecting this place to be another forum on the internet with normally functioning people that is liable for everything like other forums. Here's a reality check for you. This community is unlike others and you can't talk to the manager. It has no money, no funding, employs nobody to monitor all the content, has nobody legally interested to protect its right to exist and has no obligation of accountability like normal forums because moderation here is done by people that went through suffering/are suffering/having no hope left. How can you expect from these people a healthy cognitive functioning and scrutinize discussion if they get to choose between resolving forum conflicts and doing chores like taking shower they didn't for some time because they have no energy for the rest?
 
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Per Ardua Ad Astra

Per Ardua Ad Astra

Malpractice: NeuroDystrophy-Paralysis-Meds-Injured
Sep 27, 2022
3,640
OP Thread title aimed to absolve *YouTube / OP / Musescore — of missing obvious "RED FLAGS" — of a "Minor" — *known to OP / YouTube et al — as "System64"

"Thoughts for next time (about the death of *System64 / SpentStardust ) "

💔
 
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W

Winterreise

I wanna be a baby and cry and be held forever
Jun 27, 2022
151
Another otto mahler :(
 
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H

H0110W

Member
Sep 22, 2021
71
I just found out about this story, the user Spent Stardust committed suicide pretty close to my workplace. I heard people talking about it IRL and I was a bit shocked when I found the same story here. I think committing suicide at such a young age is a mistake, because pretty much everything can be solved when you're young. Makes me wonder what made him do it, I looked through his posts but couldn't find one where he told his reasons. You'd have to be in an incredible amount of pain to do even consider getting decapitated by a train a solution to your problems at just seventeen years old.
 
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Ashu

Ashu

novelist, sanskritist, Canadian living in India
Nov 13, 2021
713
Also, lets just tally up the harm here:

Me: zero minors killed themselves
SS: At least one minor killed themselves
You came here to hate people like him. Today, people like him who come here to find refuge and brotherhood, have found your hate. Zero minors killed themselves? Don't be so sure. Not that you give a shit.
 
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Apathy79

Apathy79

Arcanist
Oct 13, 2019
486
I haven't followed all of this thread but as I was linked to it, read the opening post and read Spent Stardust's posts, I thought I'd comment:

I agree with most of the sentiment of the first post. There are subsets of people on the site to which it applies. But I think the site as a whole gets it. Even in this case. One of the first posts directed to him after he opened up said "If there's even a tiny bit of you that wants to seek help, seek it. Don't make a permanent decision like this if you're not entirely sure."

That's pretty much the post you're asking to see to a tee isn't it?
 
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hamvil

hamvil

Wizard
Aug 29, 2022
652
In a place like this, you need to assume that an adult is a person that is responsible for his/her actions. Is this easy? No, it is not. In our society, we come up with an arbitrary threshold, e.g. in my country, if you are above 18yo you are an adult (there are other points about the age of consent but it is beyond the topic of this discussion). However, there are people below 18yo that are mature enough to be considered adults and people above 18yo that are not. The problem is not easy and we will not solve it here. So I really do not see how we could go beyond the self-certification that somebody is above 18yo without ending up collecting too much personal data.

That said if a person is an adult he/she should be respected and should be able to take decisions about his/her life as long as such decisions do not affect other people. No, hurting the feeling of a person because you kill yourself is not a valid point. I should not endure a painful life because otherwise another person will feel hurt. If this person care about me he/she should get my point.

To the statement that say that "dying is beautiful" is a controversial statement I would encourage the poster to consider how controversial is to live when you are in constant pain (even mental) every day.

Yes, in several post I see reason for CTB that are likely to go away with time. Most of such reasons are put forward by people below 30 (usually around 25yo). From time to time I do point out that such reason are likely to go away. That said if the person in question belives that it is not enough he/she should be respected.

Finally, tbh I did not find so far much support from friends/family/institutions on the matters of suicide. More like canned statement and reverting the blame on me because I do not want to help myself.
 
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letmebreathe

letmebreathe

Member
Nov 5, 2022
37
It's quite depressing to read the majority of the comments on this thread. I knew there were quite a few people here who held pro suicide beliefs, but I wasn't aware these views were officially sanctioned as well. Thank you to everyone who took the high road and empathised with OP. By any chance if you're reading this Jonels, I'm really fucking sorry for your loss and the way you were treated. May S64 rest in peace.
 
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Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
772
I'm surprised people are still kicking this thing up. OP's been banned, more details have come out, and pretty well the entire spectrum of possible responses have already been posted (mostly in multiples). I guess someone might want to "mark" the thing but take a look through the several pages of the thread; I don't know if there's been another with such a wide representation of the user base either - members new and old, known and obscure, eloquent and sputtering.
 
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WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,407
It's quite depressing to read the majority of the comments on this thread. I knew there were quite a few people here who held pro suicide beliefs, but I wasn't aware these views were officially sanctioned as well. Thank you to everyone who took the high road and empathised with OP. By any chance if you're reading this Jonels, I'm really fucking sorry for your loss and the way you were treated. May S64 rest in peace.
How can you be apologetic for him when he attacked this forum and tried to blame us? The initial post was someone tame, but then he just goes off the deep end in the comments and doesn't even refute any tame post with cohesive arguments?

Also, how do we even know he gives a rats ass about spent stardust? This could be a case of someone using another's death and making it all about them, which happens a lot more often than you may think.
 
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A

AnonymousS

Specialist
Sep 11, 2021
303
How can you be apologetic for him when he attacked this forum and tried to blame us? The initial post was someone tame, but then he just goes off the deep end in the comments and doesn't even refute any tame post with cohesive arguments?

Also, how do we even know he gives a rats ass about spent stardust? This could be a case of someone using another's death and making it all about them, which happens a lot more often than you may think.
Yes i agree, and sadly the more he commented it led me to believe that the latter is exactly what it was about. At the end of the day no one on here that i'm aware of did anything wrong. It was in my opinion extremely harsh, continuing into hateful, and offensive comments. The majority of us on here are deeply unwell, i don't think he would like just a day in our shoes.
 
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letmebreathe

letmebreathe

Member
Nov 5, 2022
37
How can you be apologetic for him when he attacked this forum and tried to blame us? The initial post was someone tame, but then he just goes off the deep end in the comments and doesn't even refute any tame post with cohesive arguments?

Also, how do we even know he gives a rats ass about spent stardust? This could be a case of someone using another's death and making it all about them, which happens a lot more often than you may think.
I don't condone their behaviour but I understand it, they're trying to cope with the loss of a loved one. Lashing out in anger is a pretty common reaction in those bereaved by suicide. They could've handled the conversation much better, I agree. Blaming the entire forum for 'letting a minor die' and the keeping score bit was especially distasteful.

On the other hand, people doubling down on stardust's decision to ctb with pro death philosophies and claiming the OP had ulterior motives for writing this post is equally problematic behaviour, if not worse.

As for your second point, I guess we cannot truly know, but shouldn't we give people the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming the worst in them?
 
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WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,407
I don't condone their behaviour but I understand it, they're trying to cope with the loss of a loved one. Lashing out in anger is a pretty common reaction in those bereaved by suicide. They could've handled the conversation much better, I agree. Blaming the entire forum for 'letting a minor die' and the keeping score bit was especially distasteful.
Loved one? They barely knew them. Spentstardust was at best a subscriber to them. They didn't have hour long discord calls, phone calls or any of that. At best they were just another number to them on YouTube, nothing more.
 
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letmebreathe

letmebreathe

Member
Nov 5, 2022
37
Loved one? They barely knew them. Spentstardust was at best a subscriber to them. They didn't have hour long discord calls, phone calls or any of that. At best they were just another number to them on YouTube, nothing more.
This might just be me, but I've met people online that I have known very briefly but still I grieve their passing as if they were close family. I presume lot of people on this forum might share this experience.

Regardless, I don't think it's in good taste to downplay OP and Stardust's relationship like that, I'm no one to judge the authenticity of a person's grief.

In any case, I'd like to respectfully move on from this conversation. Thank for you replying.
 
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justwanasleep

justwanasleep

Student
Nov 8, 2022
100
The op is a greif thief, I've seen it plenty of times just think about when a celeb dies and people jump on it and pretend to care. I cannot believe people are saying sorry for your loss how tf is it his loss? Your doing his family and the people that really knew him a massive disservice. It's their loss not some random that may have spoke to him once. I need to stop checking this thread it's doing me no good.
 
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B

BlueLeaf

New Member
Dec 24, 2022
4
I came across this thread by googling Computer Science with site:sanctioned-suicide.net

I googled it because of my depression and that fact because my studies have been interrupted by my depression. This community is for depression etc (I've only just joined, don't get upset if I've defined this site's purpose wrongly) I was wondering if there was any resource listed groups online regarding special interests/hobbies for people with depression.

So I know it the real world there are art groups for mental health. Men's sheds re woodwork metalwork etc for Men at least in Australia..

Like I came across in recovery on SS (this site) people asking for advice regarding going back to study....Like I wish for instance there was a somewhere online with a forum where people could help people for instance help out people returning to study only if they were helpful. Like it would be good to help out but what if weren't able to help as efficiently as someone not depressed or made situation worst...

So back to searching Computer Science and getting on this thread...

There doesn't seem to be any online safe space for instance for people who do IT, programming with depression like who are in this situation with the uni studies being interrupted and concentration being affected who could perhaps do a collaborative programmming thing like from scratch. Yes, I know of github, gitlab etc...

In real life for instance, there are programming groups for beginners - but I'm not a beginner... there are meetups for women in programming, language specific meetups.... People also get together for Hackathons (yeah, stress, pressure and interrupted studies with self confidence and potential concentration problems) sounds really great NOT (Oh and turning up for things during a prolonged study period is actually affecting future job prospects) Feel so alone.

So there are also hackerspaces and makerspaces and they cost money per month to join and I'm reliant on my parents.....

So I had thought of emailing the OP (probably had enough feedback by now) mentioning above stuff and.... Saying you can't always get help regarding depression... For instance, regarding study... I wanted to get a guiding hand regarding what do I remember or not... So with my depression revising stuff without enrolled in units is hard because what is the most important subject area... over revising a topic or not feeling like accomplishing anything due to depression. And I tried to get help contacting people offering tutoring services and 90% of the time "What's the Assignment?" despite mentioning I wasn't enrolled in anything. We live in a mark driven society and only worthwhile as person if currently enrolled in a unit or in workforce. You can't strive to get better in something unless enrolled in a unit.

Anyway, I noticed the OP's organisation re music program did sponsor people for Summer of Code... But that's for people who are well and really on top of their game...

Sorry for rambling... First post... Googling can find things...

I think I read in guide that people shouldn't share online resources etc. So I guess this is classified as a rant then :(

EDIT: Clarified a statement
 
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The Mute Viking

The Mute Viking

α †⊕r†⊕urεd p⊕ε†
Oct 10, 2018
202
What an incredible biased, close-minded, one-dimensional assortment of half-baked idealogy that this man has.
The absolute gull he has to come here and act as if he's some savior for the down-trodden youth that he never knew, never will.
This man is absolutely careless in both his collection of "data" and his obvious ploy for clout that he's going to places like this as some sort of social-justice warrior.

This man embodies everything wrong with modern society and how delusional they are.
What this man has done is incredibly toxic, misinformed and harmful to said community.

But it wouldn't be the first time that a dreg of society and social media dare raise their head under the surface of our skin in order to poke and jab around.

He may have, at the start, had genuine intentions [that which I sorely doubt] and made a few strong points.
But he is out of his league and an absolute trog of a human to behave in such a defamatory and viscious manner.

Just weather the storm. Let him chase his sympathy clout from Normies and those who have been handed a life on a silver platter.

It'll pass, just like any sense of dignity he will accrue from said brief notoriety.

/appaled and disguisted.
 
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J

JealousOfTheElderly

Everything's gonna be OK
Aug 28, 2020
194
I want to tell a little story and then make a non-judgmental appeal at the end.

My online persona is Tantacrul. I have a reasonably large YouTube following and I also run an open source music program called MuseScore. On Friday evening, a colleague of mine alerted me to a user called System64, who had posted some music on his YouTube channel (using the application that my team develops), which was intended to be his 'last piece'. Along with this was a video he posted where he informed us that he was intending on ending his life.

You people know this user as SpentStardust.

The moment we read this, we started searching around to figure out who this kid was and whether we had any information about him. Long story short, we found his final post here, which gave us a few more clues - and a few hours later, we discovered that we were too late. He had already taken his own life in an incredibly shocking and violent way (via train).

After this, I began searching to see whether there had been any direct interactions between myself and System 64 / SpentStardust, because his nickname rang a bell. Sure enough, he had commented a lot on posts of mine on Twitter, and had also been a member of my Discord server. I then realised that I had actually spoken to him directly one time, when he played his compositions during a listening session on my server, which we do every two weeks. My impression of him? Lovely. Sweet. Super clued-in to technology and composition. A very smart 17 year old kid who seemed really grateful whenever anyone complemented him. I also searched through his comment history in forums where I have also been present. My findings? He has never once said anything pessimistic, indicative of depression or even vaguely negative. He just seemed chirpy, generally excitable and a little bit quiet.

Obviously, if there's one audience on the planet where I don't feel I need to go into detail about the difference between outward public behaviour and internal thought processes, it's this one. So I'll spare you that info.

However:

There is one thing that really does bother me. In a previous conversation on this forum a month or two ago, System 64 / SpentStardust began posting about his intentions to kill himself. Along they way, he let one thing slip that no one seemed to pick up on.

He said that he had never told anyone about his intentions to commit suicide and was afraid that if he did, that person might try to stop him. Since I come from a family with plenty of mental health specialists and psychologists, this is the the reddest of red flags.

A 17 year old kid, who has never discussed suicide with anyone decides he is going to kill himself. The only people he tells are on this forum. And the advice he is given is.... nothing. It is assumed that because he has had the idea to kill himself, it is definitely legitimate. The echo chamber has reflected their own feelings back to him. No one has thought to say 'perhaps speak to a suicide hotline anonymously - that way they are unable to stop you'. No one considers whether he is having a psychological breakdown due to stress, or loss or any other reason. Everyone assumes it he is of sound mind.

When I read this discussion, what I saw was a single moment in time where System 64 / SpentStardust - who was a very talented kid - a kid with a computer science scholarship, a player and a composer, who had a wide network of friends online who he played games with and created videos with - finally making his inner thoughts known to a group of people - letting them know that he had not sought out any advice from anyone who might have given him another perspective - and that group of people said 'yeah, do it'.

I think you can probably figure out my appeal. It's not harsh. It's about as simple as it could be:

Because I've read many times on this forum over the last few days that this is not a 'pro death' site, I think there should be a protocol for determining a few things when new people announce they want to kill themselves:

1. Is the person under age?
2. Has the person ever taken steps to try and receive treatment?
3. Had the person ever spoken to a professional?

Asking these questions, and providing basic advice to the effect of "you should really consider this carefully. At least speak to someone anonymously" could have made all the difference.

As much as I imagine people on this forum will hate me saying this - it is actually possible for some people to overcome suicidal ideation and lead a relatively peaceful life. I'm not saying you will. But, statistically speaking, some other people on this forum definitely will.

There is no good reason on an anonymous forum why a few basic questions can't be asked to determine whether someone is a full grown adult and to find out whether this person has exhausted their options or not. A kid may not be aware of what their options are.

To put it simply: just because you are certain that you want to die doesn't mean you should be certain that others should die too.

I may or may not come back here to read replies. My guess is one of you will feel this is 'off topic' and ask a mod to take it down because you don't like being challenged. Hey, maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps you can suck up constructive criticism.

Best,
Tantacrul

By the way, my mail is [email protected]

You ever want to talk. Even to tell me I'm a total fool. You are most welcome to do so and I won't give you any grief for it.
Oh please. Go away. Go hang out with your family of mental health specialists patting yourselves on the back.
 
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Shu

Shu

As above, So Below.
Jan 21, 2022
2,487
Saying 'the forum is only for 18 year olds', don't blame us is a pretty pathetic excuse. But more than that - even if he was 19, my point still stands. Everyone on this forum should always consider that they are speaking to a potentially underage person and should not use a paper thin, unenforced forum policy as justification for doing nothing.

Moreover, saying 'we didn't actively encourage him' isn't the point either. No one actively sought to delve into his problem and no one gave a moments thought to his very clear statement that he had never spoken to anyone about suicide. Saying 'there's a document somewhere he should have read' is as pathetic as a telephone call centre saying 'that's just company policy'.

What an amazingly pathetic excuse with amazingly appalling consequences.

Please do not forward me documents and policies to try and explain this. Actually engage with my point that perhaps there could be better protocols on this site.

I mean... you did just let a minor die.
Nobody let a minor die. Shut the fuck up. I'm starting to get pretty irritated of hearing you. Stop sitting here and blaming a bunch of innocent people for something that had no control over. Stick to what you're supposed to be good at. Music.
 
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Pluto

Pluto

Meowing to go out
Dec 27, 2020
3,956
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R

randy

Student
Jan 6, 2023
155
Saying 'the forum is only for 18 year olds', don't blame us is a pretty pathetic excuse. But more than that - even if he was 19, my point still stands. Everyone on this forum should always consider that they are speaking to a potentially underage person and should not use a paper thin, unenforced forum policy as justification for doing nothing.

Moreover, saying 'we didn't actively encourage him' isn't the point either. No one actively sought to delve into his problem and no one gave a moments thought to his very clear statement that he had never spoken to anyone about suicide. Saying 'there's a document somewhere he should have read' is as pathetic as a telephone call centre saying 'that's just company policy'.

What an amazingly pathetic excuse with amazingly appalling consequences.

Please do not forward me documents and policies to try and explain this. Actually engage with my point that perhaps there could be better protocols on this site.

I mean... you did just let a minor die.
Shame on you for trying to destroy a site that helps marginalized and ignored people who are suffering unimaginable pain find some peace. Everyone should have the right to end their suffering no matter their age. The "go get help" options quite frankly make things worse for more people.

I have been suffering my entire life. I first wanted to die when I was 16. Now I'm in my 40s. I wish I was allowed to die when I was 16.

You pro-suffering idiots think you're helping but you're making things much worse. You're a monster
 
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The Mute Viking

The Mute Viking

α †⊕r†⊕urεd p⊕ε†
Oct 10, 2018
202
People like this do not deserve the beautiful life they flaunt.

"What a detestable state of man, is he who lifts his silken foot to walk upon both skull and back of those he deems to be of great monstrosity.
Does he know not that all monsters were once beautiful and whole?
Naye, there is no greater tradgey than the ones that self-appointed angels bring"
 
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apple2myeye!

apple2myeye!

it/its
Jun 3, 2022
74
I want to tell a little story and then make a non-judgmental appeal at the end.

My online persona is Tantacrul. I have a reasonably large YouTube following and I also run an open source music program called MuseScore. On Friday evening, a colleague of mine alerted me to a user called System64, who had posted some music on his YouTube channel (using the application that my team develops), which was intended to be his 'last piece'. Along with this was a video he posted where he informed us that he was intending on ending his life.

You people know this user as SpentStardust.

The moment we read this, we started searching around to figure out who this kid was and whether we had any information about him. Long story short, we found his final post here, which gave us a few more clues - and a few hours later, we discovered that we were too late. He had already taken his own life in an incredibly shocking and violent way (via train).

After this, I began searching to see whether there had been any direct interactions between myself and System 64 / SpentStardust, because his nickname rang a bell. Sure enough, he had commented a lot on posts of mine on Twitter, and had also been a member of my Discord server. I then realised that I had actually spoken to him directly one time, when he played his compositions during a listening session on my server, which we do every two weeks. My impression of him? Lovely. Sweet. Super clued-in to technology and composition. A very smart 17 year old kid who seemed really grateful whenever anyone complemented him. I also searched through his comment history in forums where I have also been present. My findings? He has never once said anything pessimistic, indicative of depression or even vaguely negative. He just seemed chirpy, generally excitable and a little bit quiet.

Obviously, if there's one audience on the planet where I don't feel I need to go into detail about the difference between outward public behaviour and internal thought processes, it's this one. So I'll spare you that info.

However:

There is one thing that really does bother me. In a previous conversation on this forum a month or two ago, System 64 / SpentStardust began posting about his intentions to kill himself. Along they way, he let one thing slip that no one seemed to pick up on.

He said that he had never told anyone about his intentions to commit suicide and was afraid that if he did, that person might try to stop him. Since I come from a family with plenty of mental health specialists and psychologists, this is the the reddest of red flags.

A 17 year old kid, who has never discussed suicide with anyone decides he is going to kill himself. The only people he tells are on this forum. And the advice he is given is.... nothing. It is assumed that because he has had the idea to kill himself, it is definitely legitimate. The echo chamber has reflected their own feelings back to him. No one has thought to say 'perhaps speak to a suicide hotline anonymously - that way they are unable to stop you'. No one considers whether he is having a psychological breakdown due to stress, or loss or any other reason. Everyone assumes it he is of sound mind.

When I read this discussion, what I saw was a single moment in time where System 64 / SpentStardust - who was a very talented kid - a kid with a computer science scholarship, a player and a composer, who had a wide network of friends online who he played games with and created videos with - finally making his inner thoughts known to a group of people - letting them know that he had not sought out any advice from anyone who might have given him another perspective - and that group of people said 'yeah, do it'.

I think you can probably figure out my appeal. It's not harsh. It's about as simple as it could be:

Because I've read many times on this forum over the last few days that this is not a 'pro death' site, I think there should be a protocol for determining a few things when new people announce they want to kill themselves:

1. Is the person under age?
2. Has the person ever taken steps to try and receive treatment?
3. Had the person ever spoken to a professional?

Asking these questions, and providing basic advice to the effect of "you should really consider this carefully. At least speak to someone anonymously" could have made all the difference.

As much as I imagine people on this forum will hate me saying this - it is actually possible for some people to overcome suicidal ideation and lead a relatively peaceful life. I'm not saying you will. But, statistically speaking, some other people on this forum definitely will.

There is no good reason on an anonymous forum why a few basic questions can't be asked to determine whether someone is a full grown adult and to find out whether this person has exhausted their options or not. A kid may not be aware of what their options are.

To put it simply: just because you are certain that you want to die doesn't mean you should be certain that others should die too.

I may or may not come back here to read replies. My guess is one of you will feel this is 'off topic' and ask a mod to take it down because you don't like being challenged. Hey, maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps you can suck up constructive criticism.

Best,
Tantacrul

By the way, my mail is [email protected]

You ever want to talk. Even to tell me I'm a total fool. You are most welcome to do so and I won't give you any grief for it.
my ass itches
 
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Fulminare

Fulminare

Read Thomas Szasz!
Feb 20, 2022
231
Ah, yes. ✨YouTubers✨
This about sums up the experience I've had with them in private. Absolutely lovely.
 
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Cathy Ames

Cathy Ames

Cautionary Tale
Mar 11, 2022
2,105
I came across this thread by googling Computer Science with site:sanctioned-suicide.net

I googled it because of my depression and that fact because my studies have been interrupted by my depression. This community is for depression etc (I've only just joined, don't get upset if I've defined this site's purpose wrongly) I was wondering if there was any resource listed groups online regarding special interests/hobbies for people with depression.

So I know it the real world there are art groups for mental health. Men's sheds re woodwork metalwork etc for Men at least in Australia..

Like I came across in recovery on SS (this site) people asking for advice regarding going back to study....Like I wish for instance there was a somewhere online with a forum where people could help people for instance help out people returning to study only if they were helpful. Like it would be good to help out but what if weren't able to help as efficiently as someone not depressed or made situation worst...

So back to searching Computer Science and getting on this thread...

There doesn't seem to be any online safe space for instance for people who do IT, programming with depression like who are in this situation with the uni studies being interrupted and concentration being affected who could perhaps do a collaborative programmming thing like from scratch. Yes, I know of github, gitlab etc...

In real life for instance, there are programming groups for beginners - but I'm not a beginner... there are meetups for women in programming, language specific meetups.... People also get together for Hackathons (yeah, stress, pressure and interrupted studies with self confidence and potential concentration problems) sounds really great NOT (Oh and turning up for things during a prolonged study period is actually affecting future job prospects) Feel so alone.

So there are also hackerspaces and makerspaces and they cost money per month to join and I'm reliant on my parents.....

So I had thought of emailing the OP (probably had enough feedback by now) mentioning above stuff and.... Saying you can't always get help regarding depression... For instance, regarding study... I wanted to get a guiding hand regarding what do I remember or not... So with my depression revising stuff without enrolled in units is hard because what is the most important subject area... over revising a topic or not feeling like accomplishing anything due to depression. And I tried to get help contacting people offering tutoring services and 90% of the time "What's the Assignment?" despite mentioning I wasn't enrolled in anything. We live in a mark driven society and only worthwhile as person if currently enrolled in a unit or in workforce. You can't strive to get better in something unless enrolled in a unit.

Anyway, I noticed the OP's organisation re music program did sponsor people for Summer of Code... But that's for people who are well and really on top of their game...

Sorry for rambling... First post... Googling can find things...

I think I read in guide that people shouldn't share online resources etc. So I guess this is classified as a rant then :(

EDIT: Clarified a statement
Hi! Start a new post with an appropriate subject line in the off topic section. There is no problem at all with people sharing this type of resource, but a change of topic in this thread would definitely get overlooked. I don't know if there are any, or whether this forum is the best place to look, but maybe! It definitely wouldn't hurt to try.

P.S. The OP is no longer on the forum to get this message. [If you wish to contact him, I suggest using the email he gave.]
.

People like this do not deserve the beautiful life they flaunt.

"What a detestable state of man, is he who lifts his silken foot to walk upon both skull and back of those he deems to be of great monstrosity.
Does he know not that all monsters were once beautiful and whole?
Naye, there is no greater tradgey than the ones that self-appointed angels bring"
Where does this quote come from? I tried to google it but my skills were not up to the task.
 
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C

cloperti3345

New Member
Dec 9, 2022
4
I want to tell a little story and then make a non-judgmental appeal at the end.

My online persona is Tantacrul. I have a reasonably large YouTube following and I also run an open source music program called MuseScore. On Friday evening, a colleague of mine alerted me to a user called System64, who had posted some music on his YouTube channel (using the application that my team develops), which was intended to be his 'last piece'. Along with this was a video he posted where he informed us that he was intending on ending his life.

You people know this user as SpentStardust.

The moment we read this, we started searching around to figure out who this kid was and whether we had any information about him. Long story short, we found his final post here, which gave us a few more clues - and a few hours later, we discovered that we were too late. He had already taken his own life in an incredibly shocking and violent way (via train).

After this, I began searching to see whether there had been any direct interactions between myself and System 64 / SpentStardust, because his nickname rang a bell. Sure enough, he had commented a lot on posts of mine on Twitter, and had also been a member of my Discord server. I then realised that I had actually spoken to him directly one time, when he played his compositions during a listening session on my server, which we do every two weeks. My impression of him? Lovely. Sweet. Super clued-in to technology and composition. A very smart 17 year old kid who seemed really grateful whenever anyone complemented him. I also searched through his comment history in forums where I have also been present. My findings? He has never once said anything pessimistic, indicative of depression or even vaguely negative. He just seemed chirpy, generally excitable and a little bit quiet.

Obviously, if there's one audience on the planet where I don't feel I need to go into detail about the difference between outward public behaviour and internal thought processes, it's this one. So I'll spare you that info.

However:

There is one thing that really does bother me. In a previous conversation on this forum a month or two ago, System 64 / SpentStardust began posting about his intentions to kill himself. Along they way, he let one thing slip that no one seemed to pick up on.

He said that he had never told anyone about his intentions to commit suicide and was afraid that if he did, that person might try to stop him. Since I come from a family with plenty of mental health specialists and psychologists, this is the the reddest of red flags.

A 17 year old kid, who has never discussed suicide with anyone decides he is going to kill himself. The only people he tells are on this forum. And the advice he is given is.... nothing. It is assumed that because he has had the idea to kill himself, it is definitely legitimate. The echo chamber has reflected their own feelings back to him. No one has thought to say 'perhaps speak to a suicide hotline anonymously - that way they are unable to stop you'. No one considers whether he is having a psychological breakdown due to stress, or loss or any other reason. Everyone assumes it he is of sound mind.

When I read this discussion, what I saw was a single moment in time where System 64 / SpentStardust - who was a very talented kid - a kid with a computer science scholarship, a player and a composer, who had a wide network of friends online who he played games with and created videos with - finally making his inner thoughts known to a group of people - letting them know that he had not sought out any advice from anyone who might have given him another perspective - and that group of people said 'yeah, do it'.

I think you can probably figure out my appeal. It's not harsh. It's about as simple as it could be:

Because I've read many times on this forum over the last few days that this is not a 'pro death' site, I think there should be a protocol for determining a few things when new people announce they want to kill themselves:

1. Is the person under age?
2. Has the person ever taken steps to try and receive treatment?
3. Had the person ever spoken to a professional?

Asking these questions, and providing basic advice to the effect of "you should really consider this carefully. At least speak to someone anonymously" could have made all the difference.

As much as I imagine people on this forum will hate me saying this - it is actually possible for some people to overcome suicidal ideation and lead a relatively peaceful life. I'm not saying you will. But, statistically speaking, some other people on this forum definitely will.

There is no good reason on an anonymous forum why a few basic questions can't be asked to determine whether someone is a full grown adult and to find out whether this person has exhausted their options or not. A kid may not be aware of what their options are.

To put it simply: just because you are certain that you want to die doesn't mean you should be certain that others should die too.

I may or may not come back here to read replies. My guess is one of you will feel this is 'off topic' and ask a mod to take it down because you don't like being challenged. Hey, maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps you can suck up constructive criticism.

Best,
Tantacrul

By the way, my mail is [email protected]

You ever want to talk. Even to tell me I'm a total fool. You are most welcome to do so and I won't give you any grief for it.
What good would it do him if people spam commented various form of "don't do it, there's treatment"? That is already the prevailing advice given to suicidal people, and yet he came here because he didn't want it. If this place didn't exist, he probably would have gone somewhere else. Besides, the purpose of the forum is to learn how to die with the least pain to self and others. We all know instinctively how to die. The main purpose this place serves is to minimize the pain, and the secondary purpose is no bullshit community.
 
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The Mute Viking

The Mute Viking

α †⊕r†⊕urεd p⊕ε†
Oct 10, 2018
202
Hi! Start a new post with an appropriate subject line in the off topic section. There is no problem at all with people sharing this type of resource, but a change of topic in this thread would definitely get overlooked. I don't know if there are any, or whether this forum is the best place to look, but maybe! It definitely wouldn't hurt to try.

P.S. The OP is no longer on the forum to get this message. [If you wish to contact him, I suggest using the email he gave.]
.


Where does this quote come from? I tried to google it but my skills were not up to the task.
From my novel.
I unashamedly qoute my poetic blurbs and excerpts from pieces I've composed.
Cheers! :)
 
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Cathy Ames

Cathy Ames

Cautionary Tale
Mar 11, 2022
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