Discussion Those who survived their last attempt, what was your method and what went wrong?

[thefinalfavour]

Are you still sticking with the same method or have you moved on to another one?

 

[anhedonic_moron]

tried to mindlessly hang myself again this morning in the washroom, used a thick electrical extension chord connected to the heater as my "rope" but it was really uncomfortable to since the thickness pushed my larynx in, might do it again might not

 

[l1ablemistakes]

OD'd on Valium. Took about 25 before I chickened out and stashed the rest. Called an ambulance. Sat in a corridor in a hallway for 8 hours. They didn't even put me on a hold, I got out the same day. Next time I'm hanging myself. It won't fail.

 

[tsykoais]

pills, multiple times over the past few years i kinda figured they would never work but i kept hoping bc back then i didn't have access to anything else. always the same outcome i would pass out and wake up covered in my own vomit.

 

[Samira_Hura]

I tried fentanyl, but it saved me. For two weeks I couldn't walk or even wash myself. Now I walk with difficulty, but I can. The speech therapist is helping me with language because I'm having trouble speaking, but they've already told me that it won't go away.

 

[nitrogenous]

This was prior to me being on the forum so I was naive, but my last attempt was out of impulsivity. It was overdosing and I think as I've overdosed with the same meds just 3 months prior, my body already knew that something was wrong so I started throwing up before I could swallow everything. Plus, my social worker sensed that I was going to end my life when I met her just hours prior, so apparently she called the ambulance already even before I attempted and they came shortly after I took the pills… I did go to the emergency but they just took my blood test, found out it was still somewhat okay and sent me home straight after with no treatment…

This was prior to me being on the forum so I was naive, but my last attempt was out of impulsivity. It was overdosing and I think as I've overdosed with the same meds just 3 months prior, my body already knew that something was wrong so I started throwing up before I could swallow everything. Plus, my social worker sensed that I was going to end my life when I met her just hours prior, so apparently she called the ambulance already even before I attempted and they came shortly after I took the pills… I did go to the emergency but they just took my blood test, found out it was still somewhat okay and sent me home straight after with no treatment…

Oh and I'm not going with the same method anymore. I'm doing SN next. I already have the SN with me and it was a really close call to me doing it just on Thursday night, but I ended up ordering some prescription meds as part of the protocol instead. I'm waiting for the meds to make the attempt more peaceful next time, but I think if I'm that desperate, I would still ctb without having to wait for the pills to arrive.

 

[Kayla]

My method was SN. But I didn't have it planned for the day I did it. So I didn't follow any "protocol" but I actually didn't need it. Long story short, I took 7g of SN in front of the police, I got airlifted to the hospital, where I then had a cardiac arrest. It took them 25 minutes to get my heart going again, and I was in a coma for a while. When I finally woke up, I had to learn how to walk again. As soon as I was discharged home, I ended up buying the SN again, so I have it when I need it.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

My "attempts" feel more like rehearsal or suicide theater. I never made the choice to die and accept the pain of hanging as the price.

I've tied the rope and stood on the chair 5-10x. The closest I've come is hanging for a moment with my hands on the rope. I bloodied up my thumbs doing that.

My SN got intercepted. I could theoretically buy a gun but cowardice and ignorance keep stopping me. Hanging is what I have at my disposal. I might try again tonight/tomorrow morning under cover of darkness with more neck padding but a smart gambler would not put money on me dying.

 

[TomTom]

I wanted to CTB using SN and I backed out after only taking a few tiny sips, but I still almost died. I would choose the same method again, but I probably won't try again in the near future

 

[Untoten_]

Are you still sticking with the same method or have you moved on to another one?

OD'ing on SSRI's and beta blockers. I got close, like if I wasn't found close.

But yes I was found.

 

[spiders.in.my.head]

Ligature strangulation. I couldnt pull the ligature tight enough, didnt pass out. Some capillaries around my eyes burst, at least thats what i think the little purple-red dots probably were.
I don't think I will stick with this method, since i think i have enough time to plan for a better one, but if things get worse again and i haven't secured another method, I'll probably try it again.

 

[Arvayn]

Malnutrition. Not VSED, but selectively eating only garbage foods that are filling and yet extremely unnourishing. I did this for a very long time, entire months. Eventually, I became so malnourished that my immune system became dangerously deficient. I caught a bacterial disease of some sort and it put me in a life-threatening condition after successfully making its way to my blood. I survived because I was rushed to the hospital after I was seen collapsing to the floor on my way to the bathroom. I would have rather peacefully slipped away otherwise, given enough time-- which I had more than enough patience for.

 

[kouna]

Jumped from the 3rd floor.
Didn't work because it was done on impulse after a panic attack.
Spent a few weeks at the hospital and a few months recovering.

 

[T22222222]

Jumped from the 3rd floor.
Didn't work because it was done on impulse after a panic attack.
Spent a few weeks at the hospital and a few months recovering.

do you remember what you were thinking while jumping/ if it hurt when you hit the ground?

 

[dontwakemeup]

I've had a few attempts, always pills. My last attempt were pills but each attempt is different pills. I fell asleep and woke up grossly sick. I was miserable. I would've called 911 but didn't want an attempt on my record and a psych hold so I endured yhe agony. The next 3 days felt like my throat was swollen so I couldn't eat, just barely swallow my sleeping pills to stay sleep. That was my last attempt and just waiting for my natural death. I will always have SI's, but I won't act on them anymore.

 

[kouna]

do you remember what you were thinking while jumping/ if it hurt when you hit the ground?

I just ran and jumped over the balcony rail, not much thought, just wanted it to get over quickly. Didn't stop to hesitate or think about it.

I think my brain protected me by losing consciousness mid-air, opened my eyes and my right leg and arm were messed up and also had a cut over my right eyebrow from my glasses.I don't have any recollection of the impact.

 

[Ixio]

Are you still sticking with the same method or have you moved on to another one?

I tried the "night-night" method with the cornsacks and an endless ratchet, I couldn't get the straps on properly and the cornsacks didn't apply enough pressure on the carotid arteries. Jumping will probably be the method I go with, at least Ill get to know how it feels like to fly for a few seconds.

 

[Wakawaka]

last method was sn, was drinking alcohol and sipping the mixture, i didnt care how long it took since I was outside, i think by the time i got to half the bottle i wasnt feeling it anymore. made myself throw up, hung around a bit more than urbered home. i stepped out the car and immediately feel on my back. i was in and out of consciousnesses. eventually made it in the house and slept it off lol. felt a bit weak but besides that nothing else not even a hang over. i would stick with sn

 

[dreamofnofuture]

took a bunch of benadryl and 3 10 mg of oxy just because. no pain, nor did i throw up. i was incredibly shaky and passed out several times. and my heart was beating pretty fast.

was hallucinating but didn't really know i was hallucinating. it wasn't scary (probably because of the oxy but i wasn't in my right mind anyway so idk?).

my mom found me. but maybe i wouldn't have died either way. idk.

the next time i try to kill myself, i will make sure it's successful so that i don't have to experience how i was treated in the hospital.

 

[Surek]

It was a drotaverine OD. I don't remember how much I wanted to take, but I remember I drank half of it, and then I panicked and tried to throw it all up. It didn't hurt; I just felt my body getting weaker, and it became harder for me to stand on my feet. Ultimately, mother picked me up and took me home, after which I went to sleep and felt fine the next day, as if nothing had happened

If answering the question "What went wrong?", I suppose it was the panic, due to which not the whole dose got into my system. But I also can't claim that the full dose would have been enough. At least, what managed to be absorbed had a strong effect on me
---
Right now I have Azide and Nitrite. For a long time I was planning to use Nitrite, but eventually I decided that Azide is preferable

 

[angel164]

ibuprofen OD. one of the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life. coupled with my bulimic history, many ODs of all things, now my stomach is fucked
so now I cannot swallow more than any one pill, two makes me gag. so no OD for me anymore, because I literally cant.
my current planned method is hanging, or jumping.

 

[Sphene]

This was all a few months ago now, but I ingested somewhere between 5–10g of SN along with an overdose of Venlafaxine on a whim.

It turned into a complete mess of a combination. I was treated with methylene blue, which likely worsened the serotonin syndrome, and I ended up in a medically induced coma for nearly a week.

When I finally woke up, I couldn't even walk on my own and needed help with basically everything. I couldn't sleep for nearly 72 hours and kept hallucinating - the nurses even had to cover the TV because I was seeing a Wendigo with giant antlers trying to crawl out of the screen and get to me.

Somehow I seem to have recovered without any obvious lasting physical or neurological damage, and I'm mostly back to functioning like I did before

I've gone through therapy and multiple ECT sessions since then, but I'm still struggling with severe suicidal thoughts.

I do wish I still had some SN lying around, even just as a comfort thing.

 

[Kali06]

Took a whole bunch of ketamine and started slashing away, sadly i bought kinda weak knifes so they didnt do that much damage :/ my mom found my later that night cause dinner was ready.

Wont try that method again i think, thinking of ODing next time. Probably benzos+opioids

 

[l1ablemistakes]

Back to this thread… I don't think you can consider my partial or full suspension adventures 'attempts', since I only ever intended to desensitise myself to the sensation so when I do hang myself I won't be scared, but I have done both. In my partial attempts I've managed to black out and started convulsing until the noose came a bit loose, and when I tried full I couldn't get myself to kick the chair so I kinda ended up dangling there with my legs still on it, bruised my neck up a little. Neither method ever led to any sort of capillaries bursting or severe bruising like others have described maybe I'm lucky.

In my teens I also 'attempted' by self-ceasing my thyroid medication (for reference I had to have it removed due to chronic illness). This would theoretically work if I did it for long enough, like months to a year probably, but people would probably notice me gradually getting sicker. Eventually I gave up because I wasn't even getting any affects of hypothyroidism. I'm doing a similar thing now by taking half my prescribed dose to hopefully kill my SI.

 

[overusedusername]

Last time I OD'd on oxy + partial hanging. I was thought the oxy would make me pass out for a long time (that's what happened the previous attempt when I OD'd on benzos). I've tried partial hanging before as well but couldn't get enough pressure, so I was hoping the combo would be enough. Unfortunately I woke up nauseous as hell and with vomit all over my bed.

I'm looking at SN next.

 

[l1ablemistakes]

Last time I OD'd on oxy + partial hanging. I was thought the oxy would make me pass out for a long time (that's what happened the previous attempt when I OD'd on benzos). I've tried partial hanging before as well but couldn't get enough pressure, so I was hoping the combo would be enough. Unfortunately I woke up nauseous as hell and with vomit all over my bed.

I'm looking at SN next.

Do you think the nausea was from the hanging or OD?

 

[flowersforalgernons]

when i was 18, i took like a bottle and a half of tylenol with a smoothie. got dizzy, heart felt weird, threw up a lot, got taken to the hospital, had to drink charcoal and throw it up. they said my liver was in rly bad shape and they almost had to airlift me to another hospital for a transplant. i was in the ICU for a while.

not recommended. i suffered little long term physical damage from it, but the consequences to my life were catastrophic. i also felt like sh*t.

before that, i was 16 and took a random assortment of pills. like, handfuls of dayquil and motrin and whatever i could get. i was at a hotel with my marching band. i took them at night. the next day, i could barely stay awake. i couldn't eat or drink, i was totally out of it, i'm surprised they didn't take me to the hospital, they just dragged me along the event. (i hadn't told them what i'd done) i felt awful. no real damage, except socially lol.

just like don't OD on OTC meds. i was a dumb teenager tho. i haven't really attempted since, since i decided, i didn't want to fail anymore, and there doesn't seem to be such thing as a 100% foolproof method. i'm working on it tho.

 

[overusedusername]

Do you think the nausea was from the hanging or OD?

I attribute it mostly to the OD. I guess it could have been the hanging because I did pass out for some time.

 

[pop_panic]

I attempted to hang using an anchor point with a shoelace in a slipknot & a sock wrapped around inside & had a pillow at bottom. Later I tried stepping off pillow & remember feeling smth intense since my mouth was wide open & I was trying to claw my noose out with my hands likely shaking my legs too. It felt like I cud barely think but with pain. I likely passed out later coz when I woke up I was kneeling on floor & suddenly got a huge shot of throbbing in neck & head - my anchor point broke. It wud likely have been fatal if it didn't loosen after. I removed the sock & with multiple tries snipped off the tight noose with blood.

I'll keep hanging in mind but wud likely try jumping or drowning etc.

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

I tried fentanyl, but it saved me. For two weeks I couldn't walk or even wash myself. Now I walk with difficulty, but I can. The speech therapist is helping me with language because I'm having trouble speaking, but they've already told me that it won't go away.

How much fentanyl did you take? What happened?