This are probably my last hours.

[lixt]

I have made a plan to depart soon. Unfortunately, I'm unable to ctb by any method besides train. That was my least favorite method for all the ethics implied, but I have my hands tied. I can't buy any drugs such as N or SN, and because I live with my parents, I can't kill myself at home. I have no way out besides catching a train ride that takes me far away. I'm ashamed I have to choose this method. I really am. But I don't have any other available.

On the other hand, I believe every suicide method has its impact on mental health, not just for us but for those who find us. Those who watch us die, those who are going to our rescue, and those who will try to make us live or clean the mess we made will get traumatized.

For some reason, I like the mental pain I suffer. I like losing control in a "safe" way. I like the feeling I get (maybe because I deserve it). The voices, somehow, comfort me. It's strange, like being in peace while in hell. From what I understood, it isn't normal.

During my life, I've realized most people prefer to keep a distance from me. Most hate me, and the others have a bad image of me. I've also failed in almost every aspect of life, from my relationships to academic life. I usually hurt people - maybe that's why they are distant. I also cringe, tho.

I have made my plans, and according to my calculations, I have approximately a 35-40% chance of success. Courage is my biggest issue here. Any tips?

I would also like to get some chit-chat for those last hours. I hope I do not fail. I'm really scared of failing again.

 

[Unattainable666]

I have made a plan to depart soon. Unfortunately, I'm unable to ctb by any method besides train. That was my least favorite method for all the ethics implied, but I have my hands tied. I can't buy any drugs such as N or SN, and because I live with my parents, I can't kill myself at home. I have no way out besides catching a train ride that takes me far away. I'm ashamed I have to choose this method. I really am. But I don't have any other available.

On the other hand, I believe every suicide method has its impact on mental health, not just for us but for those who find us. Those who watch us die, those who are going to our rescue, and those who will try to make us live or clean the mess we made will get traumatized.

For some reason, I like the mental pain I suffer. I like losing control in a "safe" way. I like the feeling I get (maybe because I deserve it). The voices, somehow, comfort me. It's strange, like being in peace while in hell. From what I understood, it isn't normal.

During my life, I've realized most people prefer to keep a distance from me. Most hate me, and the others have a bad image of me. I've also failed in almost every aspect of life, from my relationships to academic life. I usually hurt people - maybe that's why they are distant. I also cringe, tho.

I have made my plans, and according to my calculations, I have approximately a 35-40% chance of success. Courage is my biggest issue here. Any tips?

I would also like to get some chit-chat for those last hours. I hope I do not fail. I'm really scared of failing again.

I'm sorry life has been so difficult that it has brought you to this decision. CTB by train will be very difficult as I believe SI will kick in. I wish you all the peace you so rightly deserve.

 

[Ovid]

I'm really sorry. If you go through with it, I wish you luck. But if not, I hope you stay on here and maybe talk to me sometime.

 

[dementedpsycho]

I hurt a lot if not most the people in my life, don't know what went wrong with me or why I am of this nature. So I feel I can relate a bit. I'm sorry about all of it, I hope you find peace in whatever form may be. Sorry to hear how hard everything is, many of us relate though.

 

[lixt]

Thank you everyone!

 

[26mmmm]

I don't want to advice on anything but are you sure you have exhausted all other options? There are a few methods that don't require anything special and you could probably do away from home, without leaving as big of a mess.
Maybe those methods aren't pain free and might be scary but you should look into it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Good luck with your plan. I hope you find peace!

 

[lixt]

I don't want to advice on anything but are you sure you have exhausted all other options? There are a few methods that don't require anything special and you could probably do away from home, without leaving as big of a mess.
Maybe those methods aren't pain free and might be scary but you should look into it.

I've failed the night night method because my parents found out

Are you going for decapitation or impact? I personally would recommend the former. Doing a battle cry at the moment of truth could help with SI.
I hope you find peace. Good luck <3

Impact

 

[26mmmm]

I've failed the night night method because my parents found out

There are many other methods that wont leave such a mess

 

[lixt]

There are many other methods that wont leave such a mess

What methods are there that are quick enough so my parents won't find out and have a success rate higher than 70%? I can't buy anything, tho.

 

[Ludivinicus]

What methods are there that are quick enough so my parents won't find out and have a success rate higher than 70%? I can't buy anything, tho.

Have you ever thought that there's a possibility you may survive? You don't wanna end up in a wheelchair or similars, think very well what u are doing or u may end up regretting it

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck in your plans, I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

 

[lixt]

I'm here. I'm so scared. Wish me luck.

 

[SillyGirl>_<]

Good luck OP! I'm sorry you had to suffer with us.

View attachment 130197
I'm here. I'm so scared. Wish me luck.

 

[Dliena]

Hope you found or soon find eternal peace and no more pains ever again.

 

[lixt]

What is the ideal speed? Some of them are passing really slow. Around 30-40km

 

[vak]

Best of luck considering your calculations, I wish a happy and painless ending for you. If you need a friendly ear regardless of the outcome, PM me, I will listen 🕊

 

[lixt]

Fuck, I got removed from the track.
They are demanding I get out of the station or they are going to call the emergency services. I was 10 seconds from fucking get it.
I have to return to my normal life, ig. Bye, ttyl
I thought today was the day.