a.n.kirillov

a.n.kirillov

velle non discitur
Nov 17, 2019
1,831
It's 3 methods and all of the antiemetics, scales, measuring cups, and benzos you could dream of! I'm surely leaving a bit out tho but not intentionally.


Kit includes: 3x Loudwolf SN, 1x Loudwolf SA, 1x 100ml 2M2B, 3x Tagamet box, 1x Metoclopramide box, 1x Domperidone box, 1x Zofran bottle, 10x Xanax pills, 6x Headache powders, Digital Scales, Holy Bible, 1 Table Spoon, 4 Extra batteries for Scales, 2 Pens, 2 Sheets of paper. 2 measured drinking glass.
Damn you could make a suicide kit out of this and sell it on amazon
.
Just have to offer an atheist and a Muslim option
 
  • Like
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer, Deleted member 1465 and Brick In The Wall
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,158
Damn you could make a suicide kit out of this and sell it on amazon
.
Just have to offer an atheist and a Muslim option
That's my main kit, I have firearms, rope, and a few other options.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer
D

Deleted member 1768

Enlightened
Aug 15, 2018
1,107
and if you happen to hear any flattering comments, but aren't sure where they're coming from, then don't be alarmed.
It will be from the peanuts.....
THEY'RE COMPLIMENTARY !!!!! [ I'll get my coat..... ]

For anyone wishing to CTB whilst in the lounge, our guest chef @Jean4 can rustle up one of her lovingly prepared meals for you, but be warned, the peacefulness rating is zero according to a sneak preview of the next PPH release... (But reliability is 10, so if you can endure the agony.....)
Quite the introduction to the 'lounge', thank you. :haha: , and hello.
 
  • Love
Reactions: jgm63
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,158
I was waking up last night every 10 minutes with anxiety so bad I was dizzy and nauseous. Now I'm sitting here weeping like a little girl. What a fucking mess I am.
 
  • Hugs
  • Aww..
  • Love
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer, Quarky00, Deleted member 1465 and 3 others
Soulless_Angel

Soulless_Angel

existence is futile
Jul 10, 2019
2,225
I was waking up last night every 10 minutes with anxiety so bad I was dizzy and nauseous. Now I'm sitting here weeping like a little girl. What a fucking mess I am.

Just catching up, fucking hell, I am just glad you are still here with us, Know I don't know you like that, and sounds strange but worried about you with what you have written
 
  • Love
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer and Brick In The Wall
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,158
Just catching up, fucking hell, I am just glad you are still here with us, Know I don't know you like that, and sounds strange but worried about you with what you have written
Thank you Soulless, you've been a good friend.
 
RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
2,202
My panic attacks stopped after I went on meds, but became 10 times worse after I ran out by gaining a whole new set of symptoms. Were the meds good or bad for me?
Are any of you in the discord server?
I've considered joining for a while now, but haven't gotten around to it. Someday, I guess...
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Brick In The Wall, not-2-b-the-answer and GoBack
GoBack

GoBack

Paragon
Apr 25, 2020
997
All my pain went away when I was on nerve pain med. But it nearly killed me so I can't take it again.

All my pain has come back by 100x and my tolerance to any pain at all is gone down to nothin.

Them meds were bad for me
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: TheSoulless, Brick In The Wall, not-2-b-the-answer and 1 other person
RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
2,202
All my pain went away when I was on nerve pain med. But it nearly killed me so I can't take it again.

All my pain has come back by 100x and my tolerance to any pain at all is gone down to nothin.

Them meds were bad for me
That's horrible... I wish doctors wouldn't prescribe stuff with no concern for that.

Before I went on meds, all I would do during attacks was curl up and not move... and sometimes cut myself. These days, all my voluntary muscles spasm uncontrollably when I'm having an attack... I don't know if it can be called a panic attack anymore, it goes on for so goddamn long. Last time, I was kicking and squirming and whimpering uncontrollably for over an hour. Only for it to come back after 20 minutes of relative peace for just about as long.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer
GoBack

GoBack

Paragon
Apr 25, 2020
997
That's horrible... I wish doctors wouldn't prescribe stuff with no concern for that.

Before I went on meds, all I would do during attacks was curl up and not move... and sometimes cut myself. These days, all my voluntary muscles spasm uncontrollably when I'm having an attack... I don't know if it can be called a panic attack anymore, it goes on for so goddamn long. Last time, I was kicking and squirming and whimpering uncontrollably for over an hour. Only for it to come back after 20 minutes of relative peace for just about as long.


It's criminal what they do. Theyre so dismissive and defensive then when you tell them wat the meds have done you might as wel be insulting their mother

I have muscle contraction/ spasm fuckedupness now too. I have to pace around for hours, no sleep or concentration, can't leave the house most the time. My legs are in bits from just walking around
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer and RM5998
RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
2,202
I am not. I don't even know how to access it.
I have a clouded memory of being told about it when they started it and being informed that I could ask the staff members for an invite. I might be wrong though, my memory isn't the most reliable.
 
  • Like
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer and Epsilon0
D

Deleted member 1465

_
Jul 31, 2018
6,914
@Brick In The Wall how you doing today amigo?
 
  • Love
  • Like
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer, Brick In The Wall and Epsilon0
a.n.kirillov

a.n.kirillov

velle non discitur
Nov 17, 2019
1,831
Recently I have been having these sudden moods where I was very eager to and content with the idea of ending it. That's new for me, and it usually doesn't last long. Its like a very strong, sudden pull towards non existence, almost an excitement.

If I could go out like that, that would be great
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer, RM5998 and Brick In The Wall
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,158
How you holding up?
@Brick In The Wall how you doing today amigo?
Still a complete mess. I've been pacing around alot and smoking a shit ton of cigarettes. Plus that weird anxious feeling where you feel restless no matter what you do.

It's starting to calm down a little bit now but I expect to have trouble sleeping tonight. I've managed to stay sober again today so I guess that's one good thing.

Thank you guys for caring enough to ask about me. It means alot to me :heart:
 
  • Love
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer, RM5998, Soulless_Angel and 3 others
Quarky00

Quarky00

Enlightened
Dec 17, 2019
1,956
Glad to hear you are with us. Did not have mental energy to write, but I was worried.

I understand that restless state, had plenty of that in recent days/weeks, very fidgety, just thinking how to get to my SN. Fully understand being a 'nicotine junkie' in these situations, at high doses it's a sedative.. light dizziness.. and always doing something with the hand.. extremely "nervous", super stressed out.. I think this is proper anxiety. That's what my psychiatrist once said. It's just chronic and sustained. I was used to 'panic attacks' (heart pounding) but it's pretty much the same. Deep breaths, some crying okay. (sorry for stupid cliche).

@Brick In The Wall :heart:

* not really a lounge now , is it ;)
 
  • Love
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer and Brick In The Wall
Soulless_Angel

Soulless_Angel

existence is futile
Jul 10, 2019
2,225
Still a complete mess. I've been pacing around alot and smoking a shit ton of cigarettes. Plus that weird anxious feeling where you feel restless no matter what you do.

It's starting to calm down a little bit now but I expect to have trouble sleeping tonight. I've managed to stay sober again today so I guess that's one good thing.

Thank you guys for caring enough to ask about me. It means alot to me :heart:

Are you trying to ease off the drink can i ask or just having a couple days break?
 
  • Like
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer and Brick In The Wall
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,158
Are you trying to ease off the drink can i ask or just having a couple days break?
I was trying to quit and straighten my shit up again. Kinda seems pointless now though.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer
Soulless_Angel

Soulless_Angel

existence is futile
Jul 10, 2019
2,225
I was trying to quit and straighten my shit up again. Kinda seems pointless now though.

eurgh this is a awkward one, I should be saying focus on positive, ignore the drink, focus on recovering, BUT know how much drink blocks out the crap and in a negative way help, I'm inclined to say don't blame you if you start drinking again, BUT if you have managed a few day's sober, then that's a huge start
 
  • Like
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,158
eurgh this is a awkward one, I should be saying focus on positive, ignore the drink, focus on recovering, BUT know how much drink blocks out the crap and in a negative way help, I'm inclined to say don't blame you if you start drinking again, BUT if you have managed a few day's sober, then that's a huge start
Yea I can definitely see both sides to it as well. I'm kinda on that fence right now in general. But anyways, hows your day been?
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer
RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
2,202
I started my day by arguing with my parents at 8 in the morning, and re-realized the uncomfortable truth that my parents have a habit of going off on me, and if I talk back, they tell me how I have been a waste of their time and how I have no right to feel the things I feel. It's 6 PM now, and I don't remember much else that happened today. I feel like throwing up, I want this bullshit with my broken family to stop and I wish my mind wasn't this busted and I wasn't always left questioning whether I have the right to feel what I feel.
 
Last edited:
  • Hugs
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer and Brick In The Wall
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,158
I started my day by arguing with my parents at 8 in the morning, and re-realized the uncomfortable with truth that my parents have a habit of going off on me, and if I talk back, they tell me how I have been a waste of their time and how I have no right to feel the things I feel. It's 6 PM now, and I don't remember much else that happened today. I feel like throwing up, I want this bullshit with my broken family to stop and I wish my mind wasn't this busted and I wasn't always left questioning whether I have the right to feel what I feel.
That's pretty messed up man. Sounds your family is toxic. Mine kinda was too but they're all dead now.

Maybe if you hold out for a little while longer you'll be able to move out and or distance yourself from it all.
 
  • Hugs
  • Aww..
  • Like
Reactions: Quarky00, not-2-b-the-answer and RM5998
RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
2,202
That's pretty messed up man. Sounds your family is toxic. Mine kinda was too but they're all dead now.

Maybe if you hold out for a little while longer you'll be able to move out and or distance yourself from it all.
Some days I think I'll be able to get that when I enter my job, other days I'm convinced that they're going to hound me forever.

I wonder if I'll have a healthy emotional state before I go. I never know if I'm allowed to think, feel and be the way I am, because they'll get mad. And I don't want to give them that kind of power over me.

Fuck, I'm blacking out while typing... My brain is completely shot, I guess.
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: Quarky00, not-2-b-the-answer and Brick In The Wall
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,158
Some days I think I'll be able to get that when I enter my job, other days I'm convinced that they're going to hound me forever.

I wonder if I'll have a healthy emotional state before I go. I never know if I'm allowed to think, feel and be the way I am, because they'll get mad. And I don't want to give them that kind of power over me.

Fuck, I'm blacking out while typing... My brain is completely shot, I guess.
That's some serious helicopter parenting there. Try not to overthink it too much if it's causing you mental distress.

Eventually you'll have a chance to make your own life. You're probably not far off from the opportunity to do so
 
  • Love
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer and RM5998
RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
2,202
That's some serious helicopter parenting there. Try not to overthink it too much if it's causing you mental distress.

Eventually you'll have a chance to make your own life. You're probably not far off from the opportunity to do so
I wish I didn't have BPD, that would probably help have fewer instances of my feelings being dismissed. I guess it's only fair, nobody sane wants to live around someone with BPD. After a while anyone would get sick of the emotionally volatile cunt I am.

I feel so fucking sick right now... And I keep blacking out every now and then.
 
  • Hugs
  • Aww..
Reactions: Quarky00, not-2-b-the-answer and Brick In The Wall
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,158
I wish I didn't have BPD, that would probably help have fewer instances of my feelings being dismissed. I guess it's only fair, nobody sane wants to live around someone with BPD. After a while anyone would get sick of the emotionally volatile cunt I am.

I feel so fucking sick right now... And I keep blacking out every now and then.
That's not necessarily true. My ex girlfriend had BPD and I miss the fuck out of her. She dumped me, probably because I'm an insufferable asshole when I drink.

It's why I've been trying to stop the boozing. That and alcohol has ruined alot of other shit for me.

I do hope you feel better though. Be careful if you're blacking out.
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer and RM5998
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,158
Fuck sobriety atleast for today. I'm going to get smashed and hear some tunes.
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer and GoBack

Similar threads

dqngerous
Replies
0
Views
104
Suicide Discussion
dqngerous
dqngerous
RainAndSadness
Replies
80
Views
4K
Suicide Discussion
mrpeter
mrpeter
heisenberg
Venting vent
Replies
0
Views
96
Suicide Discussion
heisenberg
heisenberg
Hecubaa
Replies
2
Views
156
Recovery
dontwakemeup
D