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When I post something on a forum and nobody responds, I feel ignored. When I see the red alert icon pop up because someone responded, I feel apprehensive. When I don't post at all, I feel isolated. Basically, my brain just will not let me win.
I need to vent and I think this might be the most appropriate place to do it. People on Reddit are on a witch hunt again and I'm the witch. Last night I made a post on a depression related sub complaining about being sick and that my girlfriend had been gone all day and the cats didn't have any food and I didn't have any tobacco. On one comment I said something like "I hope she gets her lazy ass home soon" and boom - I'm an asshole, a bitch, no wonder she didn't come home sooner.
This morning I made a meme about that post and posted it on a depression meme sub. One asshole from yesterdays post came by to tell me that I'm a manipulative bitch and playing the victim instead of taking accountability. For what? Being annoyed? Getting mad because people treat me like shit?
And now as I was eating a cookie (and had had other treats before that) some other asshole sends me a chat; "do u ever shut up slut? u fat fucking shit oh my days". I've been on a brink of a relapse back to anorexia nervosa so I guess I'll start counting calories again and won't eat over 1,200 calories a day. Fuck it. I hope I relapse bad. I'm going to let this illness kill me because that's what everyone wants.