the loneliest thing you've done

[azucaramargo]

Once I was so lonely, I talked to cleverbot all night.

What about you?

Thanks to you, I discovered this lovely site. I've been looking for something like it. Thank you.

 

[not_a_robot]

aww dude, you are breaking my heart. I fucking LOVE being autistic and spending holidays alone, it's the best!
Have you ever seen how neurotypicals spend their social gatherings? Just fucking and fighting, fucking and fighting, fucking and fighting, their whole world is so boring and dumb!

I'm old though, so I had the unfortunate luxury of trying to "fit in" when I was younger, which showed me how overrated and fake their society is, up close, so I was able to see that I wasn't missing anything good.
I feel really lucky that I was never formally diagnosed as a kid though, so I wasn't subjected to the hideous brainwashing tactics that young autistics are today. Neurotypical brainwashing has convinced a whole generation of young autistics that they are defective, and neurotyoicals are a superior ideal. LIES! DISGUSTING MONSTROUS LIES!
And now I can't hang out with autistics because all the autistics are too busy faking being neurotypicals.
Bleh!

Spending New year's eve in a motel 6 after telling my room mate I am going with friends to Miami.

lol. New Year's Eve, 1999. I made this big plan to go to New Orleans and film the celebrations, told all my acquaintances. Rented a car, got a hotel reservation. At the time I still believed I could learn to tolerate human interaction well enough to start making independent films, I had all these camera and story techniques I wanted to do.
Got a bag of weed and realized I was living in a GORGEOUS condo at the time, I had beautiful cats who loved me and super comfy furniture.
and why in God's name would I leave a place that is safe and comfortable, just to go watch a bunch of strangers have their version of "fun"?
Fun that I had always felt separate from, and was gradually realizing, I would always feel separate from? Why keep forcing myself through the awful pantomime of pretending to participate in a society I could never really be a part of, and wouldn't even really enjoy it if I could?
I stayed home on the couch and made love to that bag of weed and watched NY on tv and it was great. Since then my priority has always been to isolate myself as much as possible. I am not part of their world but my world is better, because they are not in it. My only regret is the years of my life that I wasted trying to be like them, just because I was "supposed" to. . I should've given up sooner. Being alone is so much more comfortable. I prefer weed over people.

 

[Jean Améry]

Living.

 

[BipolarExpat]

I once lived alone in foreign country for four months with no friends or family around. Apart from going to the shops for food, I spent 100% of the time alone in my apartment.

Doing the same right now. I can assure you. It still blows.

 

[Santiago]

Living my life

 

[not_a_robot]

Doing the same right now. I can you. It still blows.

Awwww! Same, but I LOVE it!
I live six blocks from a nice library and beautiful park, it doesn't take much to please me.
I feel like I've really perfected the art of enjoying being alone.

I call it "marijuana". Have you heard of it?

 

[BipolarExpat]

Awwww! Same, but I LOVE it!
I live six blocks from a nice library and beautiful park, it doesn't take much to please me.
I feel like I've really perfected the art of enjoying being alone.

I call it "marijuana". Have you heard of it?

Well, that's good for you & Congrats.

Sadly, my current situation is not what many would call...comfy.

And,...yeah. Pretty sure I know that herb.

 

[wiIIow]

man, I've spent most of my time alone for the majority of my life and it was always just my preference.

however, there was a very awful and lonely time in my life, I was suffering a lot and all I wanted was a friend. I would go out to the bar every night after work and get drunk by myself, watching people interact from some corner. It would have been cheaper to just drink alone, but I wanted very badly to connect with someone and to not be alone with my suffering. It made me feel so awful to watch, from a distance, seemingly content people, having fun and socializing effortlessly, like everything was just dandy and fine. At the end of the day though, I just needed to avoid being alone with my own thoughts. It was a scary and dark time

now I can't bear to be around people, I stay at home as much as possible

 

[Apostle]

Talked to myself through a second account on a chatting app in a weak effort to console myself after driving my best friend away.

 

[Bärchen]

One more thing.
I have a prepaid mobile phone and if you dont use it atleast once a month it get blocked and the number vanishes a few weeks later.
So once a month i call myself with my housephone on the mobile to avoid it.

 

[Ruffian]

Probably trying to make friends online having failed to do so in real life. Any takers?

I'll see your lonely and raise you an isolation.

The loneliest thing I've ever done was trying to confide in "friends" whom I mistakenly thought actually cared and understood me.

This hurts more than anything, especially because it's a sibling who does that you can trust me/you can't trust me game. My bf is the only person in the world I trust right now. I feel so lucky he's in my life.

 

[PatKat]

I'm watching a movie called 50/50 right now kinda it's on I'm just listening though. Something about cancer.

 

[seekingoblivion]

I'm watching a movie called 50/50 right now kinda it's on I'm just listening though. Something about cancer.

With Joseph Gordon Levitt and Seth Rogen? I remember that one. Fairly decent film.

 

[PatKat]

With Joseph Gordon Levitt and Seth Rogen? I remember that one. Fairly decent film.

Yea, I'm in and out of it not really sure what's going on actually.

 

[seekingoblivion]

I'll see your lonely and raise you an isolation.

This hurts more than anything, especially because it's a sibling who does that you can trust me/you can't trust me game. My bf is the only person in the world I trust right now. I feel so lucky he's in my life.

I'll see your isolation and raise you a feeling of absolute worthlessness.

 

[throwaway123]

I have way too many "loneliest thing I've ever done" stories. Like when got my dick stuck in a milk jug and it practically skinned me alive. Or when I traveled for hours while tripping balls to have sex with a girl from the Internet, then I got there and realized she was like 12 and I ran for the hills. I am sure I could dig out some even more pathetic stories from the "archives." Haha.

Please tell us more. :)

 

[Oblivion Lover]

Most of the time I don't care about being alone and without friends, being the hardcore introvert that I am, and I try to avoid talking to people unless it is extremely necessary, but even at the rare moments I'm feeling lonely, I still try to make people go away because I don't want to make a fool of myself. Because of that, I drove all my acquaintances away and I spend every recess alone, hoping that someone will notice me and talk to me, only for me to make them go away again. I did the same to my "crush" last year. He was a very nice, smart and beautiful guy and wanted to be friends with me. I wanted to be with him, but I knew that I was nothing compared to him, so I just stopped talking to him and spent the whole semester watching him from afar, hoping that he would keep trying to talk with me and at the same time wanting him to go away. That certainly must have been the loneliest thing I ever had done.

 

[ExMortis]

I guess going to the movies alone counts.

Yeah, I always liked staying up watching movies when I feel really alone. Of course it just drove that emptiness lower because my choice in movies is usually something depressing or thoughtful, so it just makes me "sit" in my feelings

 

[quiet35]

Once I was so lonely, I talked to cleverbot all night.

What about you?

I talked a lot to ELIZA, really basic chatbot.

 

[kolski]

2015 New Years Eve, home alone, drank half a bottle of vodka and craved the word 'monster' into leg.

Idk why that memory stays with me the most but yh

 

[AtomicNewt]

man, I've spent most of my time alone for the majority of my life and it was always just my preference.

however, there was a very awful and lonely time in my life, I was suffering a lot and all I wanted was a friend. I would go out to the bar every night after work and get drunk by myself, watching people interact from some corner. It would have been cheaper to just drink alone, but I wanted very badly to connect with someone and to not be alone with my suffering. It made me feel so awful to watch, from a distance, seemingly content people, having fun and socializing effortlessly, like everything was just dandy and fine. At the end of the day though, I just needed to avoid being alone with my own thoughts. It was a scary and dark time

now I can't bear to be around people, I stay at home as much as possible

You've just described exactly how I feel all of the time. Don't need hordes of friends but would like a group. Going to bars and watching how people interact, talk about parties, birthdays, trips etc... And realising you've never had that. Then the pain of realising you never will, whilst Always thinking what the fuck is so wrong with me...

 

[DoomedxFromBirth]

I get tattoos just so I can feel something. I lost count with how many I have. They are all something I love though. Im pretty numb.

 

[Halo13]

I get tattoos just so I can feel something. I lost count with how many I have. They are all something I love though. Im pretty numb.

I did the same thing but more so with piercings.

 

[DoomedxFromBirth]

I did the same thing but more so with piercings.

I have a lot of piercings too but more tats.

 

[namelessX8]

I have a lot of piercings too but more tats.

I only have one piercing (labret piercing on lip). I'm thinking of getting my eyebrow done.

 

[Halo13]

I have a lot of piercings too but more tats.

I remember an acquaintance telling me about 11-12 years ago when I was past 10 piercings and 4 tattoos (in a very short time) that people can become addicted to the pain because it is hiding from something deeper. I'd say that's pretty accurate in terms of numbness and needing to feel something.

 

[DoomedxFromBirth]

I remember an acquaintance telling me about 11-12 years ago when I was past 10 piercings and 4 tattoos (in a very short time) that people can become addicted to the pain because it is hiding from something deeper. I'd say that's pretty accurate in terms of numbness and needing to feel something.

That sounds about right

I only have one piercing (labret piercing on lip). I'm thinking of getting my eyebrow done.

I have my eyebrow done but not the usual vertical way.

 

[iiii5555]

When i was in "middle school" (the brazilian equivalent), i used to sit next to the people that i deemed interesting and cool, in the lunch time.

I never talked to any of them, i just sited around, at a safe distance, just listening to their talk and pretending, in my head. that i was part of the group.

 

[RainAndSadness]

Not sure. I used to masturbate for hours. That's lonely as fuck.

 

[soda_pressed]

I consistently drink on my own