Venting The age when you first seriously consider CTB.

[ForsakenDial]

I was 11.

 

[Tired_of_myself]

i wrote my first suicidal letter at 13... first attempt at 15... last attempt 32... im 33 try and somedays are so hard....

 

[soulsing]

Around 12 years old. I thought I'd never make it past 18. If only that were true.

 

[oneirataxia]

Maybe 9 or 10, not sure of the exact age... but I remember back when I had access to a firearm (through Dad), I put a gun to my head when I was 10 years old. Wish I pulled that trigger and ended it on a high(er) note while I still could've. I would've saved myself so much upcoming horror. I at least would've died a good person.

 

[Placo]

17

 

[FallFromGrace]

18. I'm now 24-25. Funny how much and yet how little things have changed.

 

[Sarros]

My reasons and thinking have changed and evolved since then but I thought about since I first learned about death in general, so about 6 or 7 years old.
My first thought was that people could die in so many unpleasant, upsetting, or horrible ways, that killing oneself could be a way to avoid that.
The one that followed was born from observing people live unpleasant, upsetting, or horrible lives and that I wouldn't have the courage to live that kind of life and so I would kill myself to avoid it.

 

[world is unfair]

I don't remember exactly, maybe between 18-20. Now 47. If I had left at that time, I wouldn't have had to suffer another 27 years of this BS existence. 27 years of shitty and useless time.

How old were you when you first really wanted CTB?

My first attempt:13
Ctb thought: idk probably 5 6 or 7
Second attempt 13
Third attempt 13

 

[BlockHammer]

Depended on my circumstance, prolly i'd off myself in the age of 25. But if there's a sifnificant change then i'll extend my ctb age

 

[passivethought121]

13. It's been a while. Ideally, I'm going out within 21-23, but 32 is my deadline if I go on autopilot

 

[Nettles]

You have 6 more years. I am 47. I can't imagine live 6 more years.

Yes I will go with propofol but still here bc my mom is still alive. I am prisoner.

Are you her only care giver? I get that must be hard. I lost my purpose when I lost the one I cared for plus horrible menopause symptoms that affect me mentally to the point of being here.

 

[Styrotoast]

I first attempted at 5 but I dont think I truly knew what I was doing so probably around 8-9

 

[The_screaming_dawn]

I don't remember exactly, maybe between 18-20. Now 47. If I had left at that time, I wouldn't have had to suffer another 27 years of this BS existence. 27 years of shitty and useless time.

How old were you when you first really wanted CTB?

I was 11. Now 19.

 

[lovedread]

13 because i was ugly and apparently that issue was unfixable, oh yeah and stupid. Dumb reasons to ctb tbh

 

[Praestat_Mori]

40 / 41 after a big failure in life.

 

[Nettles]

You have 6 more years. I am 47. I can't imagine live 6 more years.

Yes I will go with propofol but still here bc my mom is still alive. I am prisoner.

Oh are you her carer? I know propofol is used to sedate ppl.

Oh are you her carer? I know propofol is used to sedate ppl.

Sorry I forgot I already replied, please ignore. If you need to vent I'm here

 

[Dark Window]

I'm in my 30's now.

I'd say late last year was my first time seriously considering it.

Previously I had suicidal thoughts but never got close to it, it was just something I thought about from time to time.

 

[Nickreading]

10. I'm 39 now

 

[littleinsanity]

9 but the thoughts probably settled in when i was 12/13? In a couple of months I'll be 23.

It's a mixture between life problems which ig could be solved and are somewhat a matter of perspective and simply being aware that i exist and realizing that i don't like it? I've seen some people here explain the feeling it pretty well.

 

[wanttodie12345]

Before age 10. Continued into my 20's, had a decent decade, then increasingly stronger over the past 15 or so years despite meds and therapy.

 

[Jon Arbuckle]

I don't remember, but I think I was around 13-15 the first time I tried
It was over something stupid, and the attempt was laughably ineffective (i think i took like 5 or 6 painkillers) but I still genuinely thought that I would die. would this even count?

 

[AceVendetta7500]

20ish. 31 now.

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

15 or 16. I remember being sure I never wanted to kill myself and then the thought came to me suddenly freshman year of high school that if I wanted to, I could technically just hurt myself out of my window at any given moment and then things escalated from there.

 

[holdmyhand]

13 and it has only gotten worse since then. 19 now.

 

[onbekend]

I believe I was 16 if the times are correct.

 

[BackToLobby]

12

 

[rebelnow111]

about 10

 

[stilhavinightmares]

12. 32 now.

 

[Katasumi4444444444]

15

 

[kyuuketsuki]

about 11.
however, i remember writing a letter to my mom when i was probably 5 or 6 after a fight telling her i would kill myself if she wanted me to since i was such a bad daughter or something. i didn't actually understand the full implications of that, though. but i think that's the first time i felt that i wanted to die, even without intentions to seriously act on it.