Venting scared and running out of time

[rorosbones]

as a teenager, i had promised myself i'd die before i turned 18. i attempted at 17 and clearly it didn't work, because i'm still here and i'm 20 years old. after that attempt i made a second promise that even though i made it to 18, i wouldn't make it to 21. my 21st birthday is in like 3 months and i have nothing planned. no idea what method, date, etc.
plus i'm such a wimp that i might chicken out of even doing anything. my ideal method would be overdose, but i don't have easy access to pills like i did last time. i don't even know how much i'd need to take for it to kill me, i just know last time i didn't take enough.
but i don't even know if i want to die. i know i don't want to be alive, but death is terrifying. i just wish there was an in-between i could stay in somehow.
god i don't even know why i'm writing this. i guess i'm looking for support, or advice, or something??? this feels like the only place i can ask for that without getting sent back to a mental hospital.

 

[Cocomellon]

Don't worry there's not rush. As soon as you're out you're out. You won't have any regrets, it won't matter if you waited a few extra years and lived a bit longer. If you have nothing planned it might be a sign you're not really committed at this time, and you want a few more years of life.
I can sympathize with wishing there was something other than life and death. I'm so sorry your life isn't something you want to continue. I wish there was another option, but that's all we've got.
It's so frustrating that there's no easy or reliable method to check out with. There's always unknown variables to any method and risks of failure.
I'm wishing you peace

 

[passthisnote]

as a teenager, i had promised myself i'd die before i turned 18. i attempted at 17 and clearly it didn't work, because i'm still here and i'm 20 years old. after that attempt i made a second promise that even though i made it to 18, i wouldn't make it to 21. my 21st birthday is in like 3 months and i have nothing planned. no idea what method, date, etc.
plus i'm such a wimp that i might chicken out of even doing anything. my ideal method would be overdose, but i don't have easy access to pills like i did last time. i don't even know how much i'd need to take for it to kill me, i just know last time i didn't take enough.
but i don't even know if i want to die. i know i don't want to be alive, but death is terrifying. i just wish there was an in-between i could stay in somehow.
god i don't even know why i'm writing this. i guess i'm looking for support, or advice, or something??? this feels like the only place i can ask for that without getting sent back to a mental hospital.

i'm in a similar situation i have like 6 months before i turn 20 and i want to go right before but i hate that i basically have to speedrun life now i just wish i could live forever at this age and never worry abt anything again